Monday, December 1, 2008

HAPPY FESTIVUS:



Well kids the holiday season is upon us again. Some of you celebrate Christmas…..some Hanukka….some Kwanzaa. It doesn’t really matter what you celebrate as long as you actually celebrate. Even though I’m Atheist and I don’t celebrate any of these religious holidays I do have my own holiday that I’ve become a big fan of. You guessed it…..FESTIVUS!

What is Festivus you ask? Festivus is celebrated on December 23rd of each year with the traditional ‘Airing of Grievances’. Typically when you perform the ‘Airing of Grievances’ you tell everyone you know how they have disappointed you over the past year. I do it slightly different, since I’m such a kind and warm person I really don’t have grievances against any person I know. My grievances are centered more on the situations I come across on a daily basis.

From now until December 23rd we will post one grievance a day. They will be in no particular order of importance. I know what you are thinking how could I possibly have 23 grievances worth writing down? If you’re asking yourself that then you don’t know me very well. So without further ado……

Grievance #1
Listen up 7-Eleven Cashier Lady! Lets start with the fact I’m not particularly happy that I have to get my first of five 24oz coffees from 7-Eleven. But you’re the only game in town at that time of morning, so I live with it but I don’t have to like it. But do you have to wait until the absolute last second to make fresh coffee? The train arrives at 5:40am which means the commuters come in to get their coffee between 5:25 and 5:30 am. This means you should make fresh coffee at 5:20 am at the latest….not 5:31 am like you currently do.....IT’S LIKE THIS EVERY DAY DAMN IT! Maybe I should approach this from a different angle. If you make me miss my train because I’m waiting for the coffee to brew do you really want me hanging around the store waiting for the next train? I mean think about it…..I’ll be angry that I missed the train…I’ll be angry that I’m drinking your shitty coffee…and I’ll be angry because it’s too cold to stand outside and smoke. Think about it, that’s not a very good combination. Here is visual proof of what I'm talking about. Get your shit together before I haved to take drastic measures.

3 comments:

Cosmo Kraemer said...

uhhhm do you celebrate festivus year round cuz i'm always hearing you whine??

Costanza said...

Ironically I'm pretty sure I could go one year of airing a grievance a day but I'm not willing to commit to that at this time.

Newman said...

Maybe you should make the coffee yourself at 5:20? Looks like they have all the shit there.