Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Game Time......

In a little more then a week it's war time.

War with that little city that never sleeps by the sea, Atlantic City. All of America's vices jammed into a little sliver by the sea. Booze, Gambling, Skeeball, Unchaste Women and Funnel Cake.

I've spent the last month training, the hardest I've ever. Bench. Squat. Cleans. Sprints and Yoga. I haven't touched a carb in weeks. All so I'm not victimized by Atlantic City.

So let's go over my predictions for the Drunknothings crew.

1.) CBR is victimized by Atlantic City.

It's not a matter of if I'll be victimized, but a matter of when and how. If you haven't caught on I'm kind of a scumbag at times. I've also been wildly successful at escaping AC in the black. Add in I haven't drank in 5 months and this has all the trappings of a disaster.

Needless to say I'm sure you'll all be ecstatic when you read the following Monday I was found pants less in a pool area.

2.) Derek wins money

You heard it here. Derek will win money. Nothing crazy but just enough that it's viewed as a win. And you know why? Because that's how life works. Derek has a ball. CBR loses his wallet and ends up in a sand dune being licked by feral cats.

3.) CBR gets into an argument with the Hotel Staff.

Look this is America. As such there is no excuse for crappy service. My first move in any hotel is scan for deficiencies. Why? Because you pocket them for future use. Example.

Hotel Staff: "Sir are you just wearing a towel? Your in a common area."

CBR: "Well queen of England, I'm between outfits right now, bold statement from someone with inadequate shading in their rooms"

Hotel Staff : " good point here's a voucher for lobster"

And scene. Either that or I end up in a fruitless petty argument over a stain in the room. Jumpball really.

4.) Derek flips out over encountering a little person.

Notice I didn't use that hate filled word Derek loves to use. Not much here other then Derek ruining some persons vacation because he can't grow up. Following them around screaming "awesome". Childish really.

****Note: Ya it's Marios Bachelor Party and this trip is all about him. But if you think for two seconds it doesn't mean Me or Derek atlesst hijack 20 or 30 minutes you don't know anything.  Price you pay partying with such dynamic personalities

Monday, July 27, 2015

Lets get this shit done

Fuck you
Fuck you
Fuck you
You're cool
Fuck you!

Now that we have gotten that out of the way ( I know at least one of you read that and was like I am the cool one I know it).

This is what I learned this weekend:

1. Gunnah just killing the fishing game right now:

2. Who knew Eric "Chief Dude" Kjersgard was a huge Ed Head, you know Ed Sheeran fan.
3. CVG loves and lives for Jeffreys Snap chats.
4. Chrissy still killing the Uber game. Kids back in the saddle.
5. Mario is on fire with his scratch ticket game - $600!
6. Guys, if you see Smiddy buy him a beer. The kid is going through a break up. He may be moving out to San Diego.
7. Who is in charge of planning Nickersons coming home party? The Red Parrot on Sunday?
8. I had no idea Kevin Romine's son plays for the Tigers, hell I didn't even know he plays in the MLB.
9. If you have nothing to do this week Jeffreys and Sarah are up at Lake Winnapasauke.
10. Man how can Hulk Hogan be a Real American using the N word like that? And has "Easy Hulk Hogan" ever been used faster when someone says anything slightly racial? Legit I think it took all of 5 minutes from his firing before I heard someone say it.
11. If anyone is around next Thursday, Chrissy is headed down to Hyannis to get his other daughters name tattoo'd on his other arm. Then he is going to Ember in Harwich Port for pizza and wings. If you are down let him know.
12. Do you think Mario is nervous? The wedding of the year is only 33 days away.
13. Calnan refuses to give Guy Fieri a single cent of his hard earn cash. So that place is out for the bachelor party.
14. Speaking of bachelor parties - Jeffrey was 80% in and now I am hearing he may be bailing.
15. Trying to get into the 40/40 club is hard - you know 40 hours of regular pay and 40 hours of overtime in the same week. I have 40/40 from Sunday to Saturday this week but its technically 2 separate work weeks so WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP.
16. Mike Foley thinks he lives in the Melrose Place of North Carolina. Kids always golfing, happy hour-ing or at the pool.
17. Big week for the Welches - closing on their house Friday!
18. When the fuck did 1st generation Broncos get so expensive?
19. What? Yeah I have been working so much that my tan is starting to fade!
20. Why yes either the water pump on my truck went or I blew a head gasket, either way it ain't cheap.

Lets see how I am doing on Sunday but right now it is looking like a beach day...

Friday, July 24, 2015

Orgies still a thing.......

I could easily turn this into a Chip Kelly was right rant. That Lesean McCoy is an awful person, literally a fumble machine and barren waste land of sexual perversion. And it takes a leader of men like Chip to take out trash like Shady McCoy.

Instead I pose a question. Orgies are still a thing?

And if they are why in the name of God do you use Instagram to recruit for it? I mean there has to be an orgy app by now.  I cannot possibly be the first person to be wondering this. Even if it's just an option on an existing app. For example Match.com has to have an orgy option right. Like relationships aren't for everyone. There's probably a few people out there who treat themselves to the occasional Roman orgy. Where's Tinder on this one? Like seriously your supposedly hookup central and your group sex division is so asleep at the fucking wheel, Lesean McCoy has to risk everything just to get enough bodies for an orgy.

It's 2015 and we have professional athletes risking there careers trying to recruit for orgies on Instagram. All because lazy ass Silicon Valley can't throw on an extra pot of coffee and finally hammer out a decent group sex app. It's sad. Can't be that hard. I think the bigger story other then horrible person of the year candidate Lesean McCoy is out throwing Instagram orgies is America's innovation is falling the wayside.

* I'm pretty sure by writing this blog I pretty much kind of sort of have a patent on an orgy app. So if anyone with any computer savvy is reading this (your not) prepared to get sued into the ground if you make one

** I would name the app Pile. Think about it? Pile. Practically bleeds sex. " dude I went to this crazy fuckfest last night I found on Pile"

*** lock of the year King Scum Rex Ryan was at least attending this event had the Internet not ruined it. Probably not participating. Just watching though. Seems like his thing. Just watching

CBR = Mr Worldwide

Now I know you morons are really, really, like really touchy about too many posts (perfection is one post a week of vague comments). So I've decided to streamline CBR hate. Get at me on Twitter @CBRdrunknothing. Ya I know it's missing an S but, there's a 15 character limit. Looking forward to all your well thought out comments with the spelling of a 4th Grader.

Also if your initials are CVG, just block me now. Not really looking forward to the whole drama filled ordeal you'll make this.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Derek the Caveman

In this edition of rebuttal to what Derek learned this weekend:

Is there anything worse then ripping your favorite boxer shorts?

Ah yes Derek actually wearing boxer shorts you Neanderthal.

It's 2015 and your going around wearing boxer shorts? Earth to Derek, nobody wears them anymore other then A.) Psychos and B.) Hipsters just to be different.

Look I'm not saying they don't have a time and a place. They do and it's called Puberty. Ya know that weird time when your all tingly getting boners all the time.

But a man in his 30s? Jesus, you think Mark Wahlberg killed all those terrorists so you can parade around as a grown man in boxer shorts? No. Grow up Derek. 

It's boxer briefs or go home. As an ADULT I value comfort and value playing it tight. All things boxer briefs provide. If you wanna go airing out like some middle schooler have at it. But for us who don't live in the woods, a fresh pair of boxer briefs is second to none in comfort.

Clean it up Derek 

Monday, July 20, 2015

Chip Doesn't Care What You Think....

Alright, let's deal with the 500lb Elephant in the Room.

The Eagles are probably winning the Super Bowl if not atleast taking the NFC.

And it has completely everything to do with Chip Kelly. You know that guy Pats Fans love to hate? Which is funny considering his closeness with Belichick.

You know that guy that brought spread into the NFL and made it work. You know the coach that belts plays out at break neck speed. Whose play calling system is the most mimicked across all levels of the sport.

I've been Team Chip since his UNH days in the early 2000s as an OC. And since then one thing he has always been is exciting. And that's why I don't get the Chip Kelly hate. Does he do things differently? Absolutely.  But a few years ago if you said to any NFL fan "Hey the Eagles are going to start cranking out plays in 20 seconds or less in a college esque spread offense AND it's going to work".  They'd reply "your crazy man". And that right there is what makes Chip so dam interesting the fact that hes always trying things differently.

In the mid 2000's when it first came out Chip blares music at practices to emulate crowd noise and to get played to focus on non verbal communication. Everyone called him a weirdo. Now, EVERYONE does it. NFL practices shorter because guess what Chip runs shorter practices.

Has he won a super bowl? No. Will he? No clue. But Chip has already changed the game. Any surprise he's now tanked the 3rd most influential person in the NFL (sports illustrated)? Not really if you consider one fact that all the Kelly haters refuse to deal with. Chip Kelly ISNT afraid to fail and further doesn't care what you think.

Let that marinate. Chip basically gutted the Eagles this offseason (goodbye Maclin, Mathis and Shady) and before that didn't even blink when Confirmed (sorta) Gang Member Desean Jackson began running his mouth. He's signed Tebow, Bradford and Kiko Alonso. All potentially dangerous moves. And you know what he just doesn't care what you think. Chip is gonna do what Chip wants to create a culture he wants.

So if you like football. Ya know the game? Not just the winning and hats and duck boats. I'd keep an eye on them birds because they are doing something.

PS: Belichick is gonna retire maybe not next season but when he does id bet the house Chip Kelly is the next coach. Football guy from NH with the Kraft hooks already in him. Name a better storyline? 

PPS: if your not fascinated/ borderline aroused by Tebow potentially playing again in the NFL in a run friendly offense. Then you don't have a pulse.

Better Late than never

Ok boys and girls, I am sorry that it is so late in the day but work is busy as fuck - 93 degrees and 72 % humidity will do that.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Heard the Foo Fighters show was awesome and one of the best shows ever.
2. Family drama is for the birds.
3. Eddie Regan got a clean bill of health and is currently cancer free.
4. Mario is huge into getting pedicures but don't insist on a manicure.
5. This golf course in Scotland is something nice!
6. I heard that Hi-Fi Pizza is no more.
7. Chrissy is having swimming lessons down in Pembroke.
8. Speaking of Chrissy he knows lots of stuff about french chemists...not really sure why but yeah its his thing.
9. Is there anything worse than ripping your favorite boxer shorts.
10. Jeffrey may be giving up his Wednesday golf league and just go out every week golfing. He is looking for some mofo's.
11. Is Donald Trump helping himself or hurting himself with his views?
12. Calnan has a fan in one Julie Nickerson, so there is that.
13. If you only buy a 12 pack of beers because you want to not get too drunk but they are 16 oz, is that ok?
14.  Seems like everyone is off the Red Sox again this week.
15. Some blue cheeses are just straight up nasty (don't even get me started with the dressings).
16. Of course I saw Ant Man the day it came out. Funny fucking movie man.

Ok I gotta jet!

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Fat People are Sad People......

Well yesterday was a tough day. After getting up early and getting a ridiculously good trail run in followed by 45 mins of yoga, I prepared myself a chai tea and sat down to read Derek's Weekly Rambling of all things Whitley.

And low and behold, YOU PEOPLE HATE ME!!!!!

And I love it.

and the fact you people text Derek about is the cherry on top. And I get it. I really do. Your use to Derek's everything's just sunshine posts. A review of a burrito and maybe some mention of some inside joke, you know something that maybe puts a smile on your face as you wait for your 4 pop tarts to pop out of the toaster. And you know what I would expect no different from the biggest pack of beta males ever assembled.

But alas here's the rub. You people are falling for my crap hook line and sinker. It's almost like you want me inside your heads.

It's a pretty simple formula to get you guys going, let's take a look.

1.) Attack Derek.  Funny, Pleasant and "Down for Whatever". He's everyone friend. So when I grab the ole hammer and go right for him, it bothers you.

2.) Attack the South Shore. Simple play here. Most of you are from the South Shore. So of course when I attack your village, your going to flip.

3.) Attack your Body Image. It's fucking America, everyone's fat. Odds are at the very least your insecure about that few extra pounds. Calling you fat is gonna enrage you.

4.) Attack Boston Sports. Here's where stuff gets truly sad. A lot of you have attached your self worth to Boston Sports. When I start slamming Patriots nation, it's the equivalent of me calling you worthless.

5.) Attack Your Drinking Habits. Everyone struggles with maybe I have a few too many so when I come out and make a whole bunch of pretentious sober life comments, it eats at you.

And Finally....ACT ELITIST.

This is Boston. What does the average Bostonian hate? Someone who thinks/knows their better then you.

So there you have it. A basic blueprint of how I piss you off. Do with this what you can. But realize this when you let loose hate in the comments for me it's magical for me. it invigorates me. It's like Christmas Day and I just got a N64 AND a puppy. So how do you stop me? You don't. You sit there, grab another beer and read it.YOU READ IT BECAUSE I TOLD YOU SO

Monday, July 13, 2015

Ahhh shit!!!!

Obviously the kid is back!!

This is what I learned while I was away:
1. People really hate Calnan's posts. So much so that I get more texts about his negativity and his attitude than I do about my lack of posts. (How could you hate this face?)

2. Congrats to the Phelps clan on the addition of a healthy baby boy!
3. I hope that you all wished CVG a happy birthday yesterday.
4. Nothing quite like your brother smoking cigars, drinking and loving life in the hot tub.

5. July 3rd, 4th and 5th where like a whirl wind and kind of all blend together.
6. Tried my first oyster ever and let me tell ya, not that bad.
7. I think that the Cape is bomb.com
8. Nothing is worse than fucking heartburn.
9. Does it make you old when you are drinking with you co workers kids?
10. Best 3 burgers I had on the cape:
      1. The Knack
      2. The Red Nun
      3. The Black Sheep Bah and Grill
11. Nothing quite like your pay check being wrong in back to back weeks...whomp whomp whomp.
12. My battery on my phone lasts at the most 5 hours before it is dead, part of the blame lies in all these god damn group texts.
13. Is there anything worse than waking up on a Monday and knowing you have to do something every single day?
14. It is totally normal for someone to ask you to have a party at your house, correct?
15. Jason Foley is looking to get rid of his pool table of you guys know anyone?
16. How do people live without any live television? I mean you can only watch Netflix, Hulu and shit on your Rokku for so long.
17. I hate traffic more than anything else in the world. Like it infuriates me to no end.
18. Mario Longs bachelor party is August 7-9th. If you are interested in going let me know via the text or email.
19. BBQ's without sides are just not the same.
20. I see people are talking about the Red Sox again, only 6 1/2 back.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Things I learned this weekend......

Well everyone's favorite happy go lucky blogger is away (again).... So that means no whine time with Unky D. So looks like your stuck with me CBR. (PS if anyone reading this is around Derek can you ask him maybe to fix this font problem???  This red font is pretty Gothy)

Here's what I learned this weekend.

1.)  You people are fat.

That is all. I can't wrap my head around what you people even consider healthy. This whole blog actually encapsulates what's wrong with America and why we aren't #1 in anything anymore besides pie eating and beer drinking. Look at yourselves I mean do you even try anymore?  When's the last time Derek ever announced to the world one of you did anything even remotely athletic?

Always the same.

(Blank) won a nacho eating competition.....

(Blank) managed to eat 8 baskets of tater tots.....

Or even my personal favorite. Giving you people reviews of places so you can load the family up in the minivan and go jam your arteries together....

(Blank) has some serious burritos

(Blank) in Quincy has hamburgers the size of a dinner plate with all you can eat cheese fries.....

Mouth watering yet? I bet it is.....  fatty.

Let's just go over some nutritional basics together shall we.

1.) Carbs are the Devil.

You heard me. That bagel in the morning you so crave is killing you and making you fat. You might as well go eat a stick of butter which shockingly maybe healthier for you then a bagel or a bowl of cereal.

2.) Breakfast is an Evolutionarily Useless meal.

Remember when your mother told you breakfast is the most important meal of the day as she shoveled pancakes down your throat? Well she was full of it and wanted you fat. Think about this for a second. Do you think our ancestors arose in the morning and had food laying around? No they didn't. So why 40000 years later do you think your different? Your not. Your just emotionally and physically weak and can't tolerate a little tummy rumble.

3.) Try to lump all your calories together at once.......

But CBR my trainer told me I need to stoke my metabolism and eat 6 small meals a day!!!! I got news for you. Your trainer is full of more crap then your mother. Where as your mother wanted you fat to slow you down, your trainer wants you fat so he can drain you of all your money.

Think 40000 years ago our ancestors cut the mammoth up and put him into Tupperware to much on through out the day? No, they gorged closer to the end of the day and then got away from the kill site!!!!!!!!

Don't even know why I bother with you people. You'll probably just switch to Bud Select 55s this weekend as you shovel bacon down your gullets and call that dieting.

(Do I make a good heel or what? Think this came natural? No big ups to the Umass Boston Theater group)

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

I gotz Olympic fever!

I’m not saying your are a bunch of uncultured slobs, I’m telling you
that you, the average Bostonian is an uncultured slob.
Look I’m wrong about a lot. But if you can sit there and tell me “We
don’t need no Olympics”, then your either a crazy person or just
ignorant Smiddy.
Think about this for a second. Does the world care that the Pats
cheated their way to another Superbowl ?  No they don’t. You think
China is in awe of the Bruins 2011 Stanley Cup? No they’re not. You
think Brazil gives a rat’s ass about the 2004 World Series win. No the
answer is freaking NO.
So why is it then everyone is objecting to the Olympics? What the
traffic? Traffic already sucks bro. Blame it on those carpet bagging
South Shorians who clog up our roads everyday coming to civilization
so they can make money for Keno, Xanax and Coors Light. Solution?
Just tell them to stay home! The average South Shore resident looks
for every excuse to not work anyway. I’m sure if you shoot the City of
Quincy an email to stay home they will.
Next, Oh what the T can’t handle it? Well since the entire South Shore
will be at home guess they’ll be nobody to run it. We all know the
collapse of the T is due in part to their corporate structure being
infiltrated by residents of Quincy, Braintree, Randolph and worst of
all Brockton. So with them out of the equation, PRESTO we will get
some people in there who want to work rather then slack off an ogle
attractive cousins all day on Facebook.
“But we can’t have tax money pay for any of it!!!!!!!” Look we waste
tax money everyday. When the average South Shore resident goes to
Market Basket to stock up this weekend for the Big BBQ. Guess whose
footing the bill? Heres a clue rhymes with US. When we commission
studies on childhood obesity, saving lazy whales or any other useless
cause who’s forking the bill. We are. So what’s a few less dollars for
the Atlantic Right Whale? Anyone going to loose sleep because we spent
it on turning Southie into a giant paving lot?
We have an opportunity to be the showcase of the world but, because
you plebeians don’t want to be incoveniced in the slightest I need to
constantly hear of all the ills the Olympics will bring. Give it a
rest.  Maybe just maybe if we all stop focusing on youth hockey and
football cheating the rest of the world will teach us something

Sorry Not Sorry

I am not going to apologize for being on vacation. I am not going to apologize for not blogging. I do not know how many times I have to say this but when I am on vacation I am not going to use a computer. I mean were you not entertained by Paddy "Chief Blog Ruinner" Calnan's  rants?

This is what I learned while being away.
1. We raised $740 for Dana Farber Cancer institute. I have 38 shirts left if anyone wants a second or just wants to contribute.
2. The Stars golf tournament is where it is at - breakfast, golf, lunch at Toscas, prizes and drinks at Stars. Well done.
3. When does Calnan do his pro Olympics to Boston campaign?
4. I got caught up so I didn't make it to the Chipman Family pig roast but I heard they raised $7,000 for his moms scholarship with over 250 people showing up. Kudos Jebby and the whole Chipman clan!
5. Welchie is working on purchasing a place in Braintree.
6. What the fuck Bruins? These moves are all garbage!
7. What the shit Celtics? Do we need another fucking guard?
8. Has anyone heard from Hong Kong Dave? I mean doesn't him and his wife usually visit in the summer?
9. Sometimes a vacation means staying home and doing (finishing) projects.
10. Random Thursday bar hopping with Chrissy is highly recommended.
11. Have you had the chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches from Trader Joe's? Fucking get on that!
12. Lauren Brady kind of (REALLY REALLY) hates animals. She don't care for your fucking pets bro! Fuck your cats, fuck your dogs, fuck your turtles, fuck your fish and fuck your baby porcupines.
13. Maybe it is just because you get used to it but after people shave their mustaches off they look weird - Chrissy, Mario and Jeffrey I am looking at you.
14. Always good to see Timmy Barrett, who is more than half way done with the police academy.
15. Jeffrey has a man crush on Little Jay.
16. I am officially off the book of face again and probably will never go back ever. 
17. 9th Annual Mustache Pub crawl - Yes or No? Change the month? Change the location?
18. Fucking Mike Foley driving to and from North Carolina so he has his car here is amazing to me!
19. Looks like Mario's bachelor party is coming together. Right now it is Saratoga for a weekend in August. Will probably end up being Hooters and the Golden Banana.
20. Everyone knows that they light bon fires on the beach in Quincy on July 3rd, well guess who lives 6 houses from one of those bon fires. THIS GUY! Thats a good reason to have an afternoon cookout, right?
21. Did you know part of the reason Paddy Calnans rants may be so angry is because he is sober as a judge right now as he cuts weight.
22. Snap chat kills my fucking phones battery like a champ.
23. Mikey and Lizzie Layden are having a baby boy, due in late November.
24. Charles V Grillo also does land surveying if you are in need of that. I do not know the price but if you mention drunknothings website he will give you 10% off.

I hope you all have a great and wonderful 4th of July!

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Just suspend him already.......

Look I'm not going to rehash any of my other blogs but, look the NFL has to suspend Brady. This crap has gone on long enough and it's not the actual cheating. I' m talking about the borderline WWE Media Driven storylines that is the new NFL. If you can sit back and tell me football has always been this way then your a fucking mad man/ mad women. It's every other day there is some new drama unfolding. Domestic Abuse/DUIs/Cheating you name it. And all the meanwhile the actual football has taken a back seat. Anybody in Patriot Nation least bit concern by the Pats Running Game?

Nah! Why fucking would you! Your all investigative reporters and ball physicists now. It's all good Bill will figure it out (ps he's an asshole). We got Blount! (Any fan of football knows Blount has some conditioning issues/ tendency to get face punchy if he's sticks around long enough). But in Bill we trust!

And I know I'm going to hear hey CBR, "your a clown if you think this phases the pats". My rebuttal is your a fucking moron if you think it doesn't. I can all but guarantee Bill and the boys didn't even change up one thing scheme wise in the "off" chance Brady is out. Yea know why because they're arrogant. They had this in their minds beat from the jump.

And that is why Brady should go for at least a game. Because of the arrogance of it all. Much like the late 90s Yankees on many levels the Pats believe them selves to be above rules. Always have, always will. Suspending Brady Game 1 in the grand scheme is meaningless but maybe just maybe it will ground everyone just a little in title town a bit. Until it's used as a rallying point by game 6. The NFL can't control anything. Especially the behavior of its players but, maybe just maybe it can save the New England fan and team from the oncoming onslaught of arrogance that will inevitably let go when Goddell wipes the slate clean, let's Brady walk only to add to his Pats Bad Guy Storyline he's been working so hard on.

PS anybody seeing what Chip is building in Philly? Gonna be SPECIAL

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Dear Smiddy,

Look I'm not one to play the blame game I'm really not. 

But, if the Stache Crawl goes south I blame William J Smiddy. 

Now everyone will get on my case. CBR your so negative, angry and you know what I am. That's who I am and embrace it. It allows me to say stuff others won't. Stuff that needs to be said. Stuff that everyone's friend Derek won't.

Smiddy makes or breaks parties. Has a way with ladies that is second to maybe, MAYBE Nick Jonas (Smid was actually cut from the Jo Bros after his purity ring caught fire)

So with all that being known why does he duck the Stache Crawl. It's not right. The baby Jesus gave him a gift. And that gift is to PARTY. And this crawl needs him. Needs him bad , to step up. His friends need him. Fuck this country needs him to show up Saturday.

Smiddy I know there's probably some big event at Lincoln this Saturday but,  America needs you

Monday, June 15, 2015

Still seeing red

Man oh man Jeffrey's beach party and cook out was a success, other than Chrissy being burnt to a crisp.

This is what I learned this fine weekend:
1. No one wants to work but we all have to so stop bitching.
2. Being 47 years old with 3 kids, ages 15, 8 and 6 then finding out you are going to be a dad again must be stunning. Congrats Layden!
3. Kids love bunk beds, and apparently they love when Derek buys them.
4. Jurassic World was pretty damn good. Chris Pratt is basically Star Lord dressed as Indiana Jones the dinosaur whisperer.
5. Any drink that comes flying out of your nose is painful.
6. Lets move some t shirt units for the pub crawl guys. I dont want to lug 75 shirts around.
7. TK is geared up for this Mustache Pub Crawl, said it is going to be like 1983 all over again.
8. Smiddy is going to have a a slip and flip tournament at his place in Southie. Have you signed up yet?
9. The Harpoon Shandy is something. Grapefruit in a beer is quite odd but yet not off putting.
10. Calnan is out shopping for his outfits for when we go to a Georgia football game this year. Says you can't dress like a chump off the streets at the SEC games.
11. Jeffrey is now in the creep shots group text. Lets see what he can bring to the table. Its a tough crowd, ask Paddy.
12. I found out Braintree day is the Saturday before July 4th. BIG TIME PARADE AND PARTY!!
13. Children play house at 3 and 5? Shocking to me.
14. Chrissy is looking for a food challenge, does anyone know of any? The kid loves free shirts.

Don't forget the MPC starts at 1 this Saturday. Hope to see ya all. Chrissy already shaved his stache in.

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Time flies

I mean it is already June 9th. This year is fucking cruising.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Paddy Page views is just posting at will and some people hate it, while others don't mind it but everyone agrees that it is not really uplifting. As Rick Pitino once said "...all the negativity that's in this town sucks. I've been around when Jim Rice was booed. I've been around when Yastrzemski was booed. And it stinks. It makes the greatest town, greatest city in the world, lousy. The only thing that will turn this around is being upbeat and positive..."
2. Another year and another successful Dot Day:

3. It never ceases to amaze me how much children change from one visit to the next. One week they are not talking next time you see them they won't shut up.
4. I heard Mario's wedding shower was a success.
5. The girl who will always hold a special place in Chrissys heart, Julie Nickerson is officially moving back to Hull. Somewhere, 21 year old Chrissy is smiling.
6. Has anyone heard from Mike G? I texted that kid but he never gets back to me. NH has changed that man.
7. If you are around Quincy on Saturday stop by the Flag day parade.
8. You didn't hear this from me but rumor has it Jeffrey is  having a beach day cookout on Sunday at his house. Pack your kids up and bring some sides.
9. Oh by the way NEVER touch the DJ's equipment at Peggy Oniels. EVER!!
10. If you have never seen Chrissy hung over then you have not seen a person in agony. He did bounce back nicely after breakfast though.
11. I am legit the worst at karaoke.
12. The Rivershed in Scituate is fucking good food. I got the brisket and legit it was like meat candy.
13. The housing market is crazy right now. I mean more buyers than sellers, low low interest rates and people paying straight cash for houses.
14. Nothing more exciting than playing Keno and checking a few days later to hit.
15. TK was like a pig in shit at Dot day. A PIG IN SHIT!
16. Don't forget the Chipman pig roast is June 27th! Rumor has it Calnan may make an appearance.
17. If anyone needs Countryfest tickets Smiddy has a few extras kicking around.
18. I think Chrissy is starting a go fund me account so he can take his brood to Disney. I'll let ya know when it is up. (Though I am pretty sure Rob has a time share or two down there and I would check with him to see if he is using it and what the cost would be).

Till next week kiddos.
I hope that your mustaches are all starting to come in. I have shirts available.

Tinder? No Thanks


As Derek reported earlier. I'm 30 and flirty.

With that comes the urging of everyone to jump on the Tinder bandwagon. You know that magical app that everyone assumes is better then adultftiendfinder.com or chat roulette.

I do yoga, I'm over 6ft, have salon quality hair and read FOR FUN. Basically a mans man. So people are a little taken aback when I balk at joining. How can such a handsome man/ good human being not be on this. It's a crime against nature. It's like Smiddy not hanging around outside Weight Watchers and Teen NA meetings. 

Well the answer boils down to this. They keep booting Transexuals off for no reason (GOOGLE IT)

You wanna run a hook up service. You run it the right way. You let Transexuals get their crack at the plate. Why? Because that's life. It's not all cut and dry my friend. There's grey areas.  It keeps people honest. Yet another example of kids today wanting everything handed to them. Is it a girl or a guy shouldn't even be a thought. 

Wahhh we won't people thrown at us but, we can't handle the fact maybe one used to be a guy. GROW UP. It's 2015 Tinder. Caitlyn Jenner basically just changed the game and made Trans life the hottest thing going.

Ever think some people may  want to hook up with a Trans person? No you didn't Tinder because your too busy cutting kids food for them and handing out participation awards.

Got news for you. Not everyone likes chocolate or vanilla. Some like a swirl. Little of both. Do some research clowns.

So there you have it. Till Tinder cleans up its act, count this guy out. I'll just stick to the old reliables; Animal Shelters and Book fairs.

PS:  In the off chance a Trans Tinder would be a highly profitable idea, I am available for consulting. Not a ton of experience but, a ton of experience in fairness.

Friday, June 5, 2015

Quick I need 75k to hire Barenaked Ladies......

Said no one ever....

So I have a quick question for everyone. If you come into a little money and your faced with hiring some entertainment for your party. AND your only option for musical genre is " White People Music" who do you book? Smashmouth or Bare Naked Ladies??????

Both are hit machines, both absolutely dominated the 90's and both are available to play at your next private event!

Sure "The Ladies" will run you about 75k at the low end. But for around 100k your getting 7 time JUNO (Canadian Fake Grammy) award winning in your face jams! With such hits as "One Week" and and and and and that other stuff they play that won them all those JUNOs. So they didn't have a good run in the US. PER SAY. But when you win 7 again 7 JUNO Awards its speaks to a certain level of talent. Puts you in such good company as Bryan Adams and Celine Dion (I challenge a guy out there to say you didn't dig "The Titanic Song")

Now if your a fan of value then you would have to go Smashmouth. Their high end runs around 75k.  And your getting a group that got some SERIOUS radio play with jams like "All Star", "Walkin on the Sun" and a solid cover sample (I'm a Believer, Why Cant We Be Friends and Can't Get Enough of You Baby). Do they have much in awards? Nah but, clearly in the Court of Popularity they take "The Ladies" by a mile. You couldn't flip on Top 40 in the 90's and not get an earful of just feel good hits because of Smashmouth.

So there you have it overpay because of a bunch of phony Canadian Awards and get one hit or underpay and get a literal hit factory in your backyard. Choice is yours out I go Smashmouth (Dudes look like they party. Unlike the "Science Club" Barenaked Ladies)

PS : Not a hypothetical in the least but what if I was to tell you Hip Hop Mega Star MYSTIKAL is available to book for well under 20k.  And Derek has that big ole yard AND foam machines are running around 1500. You people see what Im putting down?

PPS: Look past Mystikal's Criminal Record if you can, he did his time and the last half of it was tax stuff anyway (jaywalking). Most of it doesn't even count when you got people snitching on you because they jelly anyway.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Haute Takes

Likes: Starbucks Pumpkin Coffee, Uggz, Barre Class, Pilates ,BRUINS hockey and FENWAY

And thus reads the FB page of every female age 16-35.  And so well encapsulates why both the Sox and Bruins organizations are in a tail spin.

Look I'm not a hockey guy. Growing up that was a your parents aren't divorced sport. And goddam if my parents were getting up at 5am

Nor am I baseball guy. Sure I played till high school but generally those who were blind until age 4 have sucky eye hand coordination. So, I grew to hate it.

What I am though is a blogger with a ferocious appetite for truth.  Look I'm not saying there are no true sox and Bruins fans out there. There sure are. The guy still keeping score himself at the sox. A fan. The guy who managed to keep his sanity during 90s bruin hockey. A fan.


Look I'm a modern man. Not a feminist but not mysoginist either. But look the higher number of female fans a team has in Boston the less true fans you'll find. 

Notice pre 2004. You went to Fenway was it a complete sausage fest. No but, it still somewhat resembled what other baseball stadiums resemble elsewhere in the country. Then whamo 04 World Series happens. Sox are hot. And like the Swallows of Capistrano the "Pink Hats" flood in. And conversely scumbag Henry and crew are there to take their money. And now Fenway is just a shitty stadium where baseball is a second thought and a bachelorette party destination.

Roughly the same occurred to the Bruins. For years Bruins games where the Mecca for Malden Youth Hockey Coaches with a drinking problem and other unsavory elements. Bruins win the cup and again the Hats come flying and again there's an even scummier ownership group there to poach the shekels of the female element. 

In summary the Circus state of each organization can be attributed to this. once the Pink Hats emerge, much like  when a lion sees a deer , the scumbag ownership groups of both organizations can't help themselves  and become less concerned with the quality of the product. Suddenly their #1 concern is gouging the single 27 year old nurse from Braintree and her friends at a game. They're willing to transform a hockey/baseball game into an overpriced circus just to cater to them. 

And you can't fault the ownership. There billionaires, they made billions because they love money. So they can't say no when a pack of girls want to hear sweet Caroline as long as they are paying 10 bucks a beer.

The fault lies totally with the bandwagon jumping New England Pink Hat. Your willingness to shell over 10 bucks for beer and worse attend concerts at there shitty venue (Red Sox) has essentially killed not one but 2 sports organizations.

So take note nationals and Orioles fans a little bit of success may be your nail in the coffin too.The minute you see your first bachelorette party at a game it's probably too late.