Before we get started lets send a quick shout out to the Board Guys….things went much better this year than it did last year. But I do have one question. Who the hell was the guy helping Mario? I initially assumed he was one of Skza’s friends but the kid wasn’t stoned or drunk so he obviously doesn’t associate with Skza. It’s the same thing every year at the draft…we always wind up with some random people hanging out and drinking the beer.
On more thing…my beer bitch responsibilities prevented me from getting a better view on Smidawgs dress. But I gave it a solid B to start and then once the wife beater was removed from under the dress I elevated it to an A-. Well done Smids….I honestly didn’t think you’d do it. The only question I have is do you think Rob was a little jealous when he saw his husband looking up another man’s skirt? I’m jut saying…. I got a video of Smids dress but I'm having some problems posting it at the moment. I'll try to post it on Thursday.
Anyway, lets get on with the review. We had a last minute roster change and Team Mung (that team name was later taken by the artist formerly known as Street Pharmacist) was replaced with Deez Nuts, team owner Chrissy.
Round 1:White Devils (Los and Black Mike) – Chris Johnson
Bobby Browns Other Kid (Jeffrey) – Drew Brees
Unmarked Bills (Smiddy and Welchie) – Adrian Peterson
Beach Bums (Rob) – Aaron Rodgers
Team Mung (Ryan aka Skza) – Frank Gore
Madd Fucking Niggerish’s Money Pit (Derek) – Ray Rice
The Slippery Wizards (White Mike) – Maurice Jones-Drew
Sflabo (Stephen) – Michael Turner
Deez Nuts (Chrissy) – Andre Johnson
Iggles (Me) – Peyton Manning
My Pick:Damn you Chrissy…the first round certainly didn’t go the way I thought it would. For a few minutes I thought my boy Andre Johnson was going to fall to me but Chrissy dashed my hopes when he took him with the 9 pick. I really didn’t have any choice but to take Manning…which I have absolutely no problem with. He may be boring but he’s gonna get his usual 4000 yards and 30 TD’s. I’ll take that any day of the week. I just have to hope Houston plays well so that Indy doesn’t have the division wrapped up by week 13.
Reach of the Round:
Drew Brees at the 2nd pick? I like Brees as much as the next guy but you had to go RB there Bobby Browns Other Kid. But thanks to your brother you are spared the honor of getting the Reach of the Round. Anybody know a good chiropractor ‘cause Team Mung (Skza) had to pull a few back muscles reaching for Gore. Ray Rice, MJD, and Turner were all on the board and will all have better seasons than Gore. WRITE IT DOWN!
Steal of the Round:
Tough call on this one. MJD is a real nice pick but there is some uncertainty about his knee so buyer beware on that one. Turner also has great value at the 8th pick but I gotta go with Madd Fucking Niggerish’s Money Pit taking Ray Rice at the 6th spot. This is a PPR league so Rice has huge upside and I had him ranked number 2 on my big board.
Round 2:
Iggles – Steven Jackson
Deez Nuts – Tom Brady
Sflabo – Randy Moss
The Slippery Wizards – Calvin Johnson
Madd Fucking Niggerish’s Money Pit – Ryan Mathews
Team Mung – Matt Schaub
Beach Bums – Rashard Mendenhall
Unmarked Bills – Miles Austin
Bobby Browns Other Kid – Reggie Wayne
White Devils – Philip Rivers
My Pick:
Had 2 options here. Either go Wayne and get the QB/WR combo or go best available RB. I knew I could get Dallas Clark in Round 4 and still get my combo so I went with SJax. Now I had already spoken with Sjax’ agent before the draft and we agreed to pay first round money for him even though we took him in the second round. Gotta keep my top RB happy so money is not an option.
Reach of the Round:
Gotta go with White Devil’s pick of Rivers on this one. In most drafts Rivers was going as low as the late 3rd round to mid 4th round. Vincent Jackson is MIA and he doesn’t have LT to dump the ball off to anymore. You could have waited a round or 2 and gotten Romo or Flacco. It may be a good idea to let Black Mike run the draft board next year…he wouldn’t have made this mistake.
Steal of the Round:
Well done BOBBY BROWN….Reggie Wayne at the 19th pick is an absolute steal. Wayne may have his up and down weeks but at the end of the year he’ll give you 1000 yards and 8+ TD’s. Before you get too excited just remember every time Wayne scores than I score!
Round 3:
White Devils – Roddy White
Bobby Browns Other Kid – Cedric Benson
Unmarked Bills – Carson Palmer
Beach Bums – Greg Jennings
Team Mung – Ryan Grant
Madd Fucking Niggerish’s Money Pit – Larry Fitzgerald
The Slippery Wizards – Deangelo Williams
Sflabo – Brandon Marshall
Deez Nuts – Steve Smith (Carolina)
Iggles – Steve Smith (NY)
My Pick:
I thought Deez Nuts did it to me again when he said Steve Smith….I mean what the fuck is going on. And then he said the Carolina’s Steve Smith and I just chuckled. I take the G-Mens Steve Smith and make sure the Board Guys get it up there before NUTS changes his mind. Steve Smith may not be flashy but he gets 8 to 10 receptions for 80 yards every game….this is a PPR league people! He’s the new Derrick Mason.
Reach of the Round:
If you asked 100 people to pick the reach of this round 110 of them would say Carson Palmer. Carson Palmer in the 3rd round? Really? He’d be a reach in the 6th round! Absolutely fucking painful Unmarked Bills….even Palmer winced when you made that pick.
Steal of the Round:
Tough call here….love Roddy ‘Must Start’ White in the 3rd round. But we also have real good picks for The Slippery Wizards (Deangelo Williams) and MONEY PIT (Larry Fitzgerald). I’m going to give a very slight edge to the WIZARDS…..its painful to have Williams cause he loses so many touches to Stewart. But at the end of the year Williams just gets the job done with 1200 yards and 10+ TD’s. A late 3rd round pick for a top 5 talent is the way you win people….remember that.
Round 4:
Iggles – Dallas Clark
Deez Nuts – Vernon Davis
Sflabo – Shonn Greene
The Slippery Wizards – Desean Jackson
Madd Fucking Niggerish’s Money Pit – Marques Colston
Team Mung – Anquan Boldin
Beach Bums – Matt Forte
Unmarked Bills – Chad Ochocinco
Bobby Browns Other Kid – LeSean McCoy
White Devils – Antonio Gates
My Pick:
So this was the plan going in. Take a QB, RB, WR, and TE in the first 4 rounds….in no particular order. If I didn’t take Manning in Round 1 I probably would’ve gone with Gates but since I had an option for the best QB/TE combo in football I had to take it. Of course it will backfire on me when Clark struggles with his knee and is listed as a game day decision for the remainder of the year. Grrrrrrrr
Reach of the Round:Lots of choices in this round……Ochocinco before Owens is a mistake, and McCoy is not the next Brian Westbrook. I’ll admit I may be a little biased on this one but I’m going with Beach Bums on this one. Unless I missed something Forte is still running behind that same crappy O-Line he had last year. Right? Now I understand Martz changes the equation a little bit but outside of Faulk what RB had outstanding years under Martz? Gore regressed under Martz and so did Kevin Jones. Forte is fine as a 3rd RB but there were 10 other backs still available that were better options than Forte.
Steal of the Round:Steal of the Round goes to LT! I know, LT wasn’t picked in this round but he still gets the award cause he’s gonna steal a bunch of those touches and TD’s that Sflabo thinks Shonn Green is going to get for him.
Round 5:
White Devils – Jahvid Best
Bobby Browns Other Kid – Brent Celek
Unmarked Bills – Arian Foster
Beach Bums – Jason Witten
Team Mung – Tony Gonzalez
Madd Fucking Niggerish’s Money Pit – Jamaal Charles
The Slippery Wizards – Tony Romo
Sflabo – Jermichael Finley
Deez Nuts – CJ Spiller
Iggles – Ahmad Bradshaw
My Pick:Now that I have one player for each position it’s time to fill out the roster. I plan on going RB/WR for the rest of the draft. I was targeting Arian Foster but BILLS took him so I went with Bradshaw. I’ve always liked Bradshaw over Brandon Jacobs and I never understood why Jacobs (very over-rated) got all the ‘pub. Bradshaw runs hard and has the speed to bounce it outside and take it the distance.
Reach of the Round:
I don’t really get the love for Witten. It’s been several years since Witten was the one and only option for Romo. With Miles Austin and Dez Bryant I’m not sure there is enough passes to spread around. And the last few years the Cowboys O-Line has been getting older and Witten has been used primarily as an HB to help with the blocking assignments. You get the Reach of the Round BUMS.
Steal of the Round:
And let the run on TE’s begin. Celek…nice pick-up, Jason Witten….Romo has a man-crush on Witten, Gonzalez…still gettin’ it done. But the Steal of the Round goes to the last TE taken…..FLABO’s Jermichael Finley. Rodgers is a throwing machine and absolutely loves getting it to Finley, especially in the end zone. Nice pick FLABO.
Round 6:Iggles – Dwayne Dowe
Deez Nuts – Marion Barber
Sflabo – Michael Crabtree
The Slippery Wizards – Wes Welker
Madd Fucking Niggerish’s Money Pit – Percy Harvin
Team Mung – Mike Sims-Walker
Beach Bums – Beanie Wells
Unmarked Bills – Ricky Williams
Bobby Browns Other Kid – Pierre Thomas
White Devils – Knowshon Moreno
My Pick:Luv Dwayne Bowe! Which means he’s either a bust or gets hurt by week 5. He’s the only real WR that Kansas City has and they should be down in a lot of games. 4th quarter trash time points are just as good as 1st quarter points people.
Reach of the Round:
Did Beanie Wells get named the starter in Arizona? Thought it was Hightower. Still had Harrison, Pierre Thomas, Forsett, and even Jonathan Stewart that should have gone before Wells. That’s back to back Reach’s for BUMS……
Steal of the Round:You can give me Percy Harvin in the 6th round every day of the week and twice on Sundays. Those migraines didn’t scare off MONEY PIT as they shouldn’t have. At the end of the season this could be the Steal of the Draft.
Round 7:
White Devils – Jets Defense
Bobby Browns Other Kid – Terrell Owens
Unmarked Bills – Visanthe Shiancoe
Beach Bums – Hines Ward
Team Mung – Santana Moss
Madd Fucking Niggerish’s Money Pit – Zach Miller (OAK)
The Slippery Wizards – Jerome Harrison
Sflabo – Reggie Bush
Deez Nuts – Jonathan Stewart
Iggles – Justin Forsett
My Pick:
Justin Forsett……hmmmmmmmm! Yes he’s the starting RB but I have never, and I mean never, gotten any productivity out of a Seahawk. Hasselback…screwed me 4 years ago. Branch was a bust. I think I had Alexander at one point after his career went off the cliff. I’m pretty sure this will be the first guy I drop.
Reach of the Round:J.E.T.S….JETS, JETS, JETS!
R.E.A.C.H……REACH, REACH, REACH! Even if Revis was back and playing this is still way too early for a Defense to be taken. Without Revis I thought the Jets were starting 2 rookies in the secondary. And when Revis comes back don’t these guys that hold out all preseason always come back and pull a hammy cause they’re not in game shape? I’m just saying….the reach goes to you DEVILS.
Steal of the Round:
The WIZARDS may have lost their GM but they came prepared this year. Jerome Harrison is an absolute steal in the 7th round. If he was there is round 8 I was going to take him. With Hardesty out for the year Harrison will get the majority of the touches. Well done WIZARDS!
Round 8:
Iggles – Donald Driver
Deez Nuts – Robert Meachem
Sflabo – Joe Flacco
The Slippery Wizards – Joseph Addai
Madd Fucking Niggerish’s Money Pit – Matt Ryan
Team Mung – Ronnie Brown
Beach Bums – Jeremy Maclin
Unmarked Bills – Pierre Garcon
Bobby Browns Other Kid – Jabar Gaffney
White Devils – Hakeem Nicks
My Pick:Ugggghhhhhhh……you can thank me now BUMS. By taking Donald Driver I have virtually guaranteed that Jennings will have a 1300 yard 12+ TD year. Lets look at the history….I had Driver 2 years ago and Jennings went absolutely nuts. Took Jennings last year and Rodgers decided he preferred to throw to Driver all year. FUCK…FUCK…FUCK!
Reach of the Round:
I’m gonna pass on this one. I kind of like all of these picks.
Steal of the Round:
Every single mock draft I did leading up to our draft, Joe Flacco went no sooner than the 7th round. I just don’t get it. He’s got Ray Rice who is one of the best receiving RB’s in the league, he’s got Mason who is one of the most under-rated possession receivers in football, and they added Boldin who can finally get out from Fitzgeralds shadow. Am I missing something here? Flacco could end the year as a top 5 QB and FLABO grabbed him in the 8th round. Fantastic!
I think that pretty much does it. I’ll wait till the Thursday post to write about the end of year projections. Good work by Money Pit, Wizards, Flabo, and Nuts to keep the draft moving quickly. The rest of you were a complete fucking disaster, I could have ran a marathon in the amount of time it took some of you to make a freakin pick. And yes I’m talking about you BOBBY BROWNS!
EDITORS NOTE: So I wrote this Sunday Morning, went out to take care of a few things and then came home to post this. I see a few people changed their team names so I had to update the Review before posting it which is no big deal. I really don’t care what the team names are or how often they are changed. Too each his own….except for the new team that joined the league a few days before the draft. The Commish gave the new team (which is owned by the former GM of the Wizards) a name of Deez Nuts which is fine….I figured Chrissy would change it. But he changed the name to Slippery Wizards GM….come on man that is beyond weak. Don’t use somebody elses name and just add GM after it. So I’m not using it….we can’t have 2 Wizards in this league. I’ll either keep using Deez Nuts or Chrissy going forward.
