Monday, September 26, 2016

Celebrate

As of right now it is still only Chrissy and I heading down to Providence for his 39th birthday this Saturday.  Lots of maybes, probably nots and I will tries.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Fucking wedding season is in full swing. It is hard finding a wedding card.
2. I am seeing everyone going apple picking but yet I am not seeing apple pies or apple crumbles yet. What the fuck.
3. Is it crazy that I am already making plans for the Kentucky Derby in 2018?
4. Speaking of plans, heading down the Cape again next July.
5. Congrats to the Chiefdude on his new job.
6. It appears that angry Calnan has gone off the grid. Haven't heard or seen the kid in god knows how long.
7. Hopefully everyone had a great time at the Kubie Krawl. I am told it was a blast per usual.
8. Root beer schnapps is still going strong.
9. Who hates mustard? I mean how is that even a thing?
10. White sangria quickly changes to a pinkish red color when you start adding fruit.
11. Speaking of fruit, fucking pomegranates aren't worth the effort.
12. I saw Christmas stuff out at the store and I almost lost my shit. It is not even October 1st, we haven't even had Halloween yet.
13. Have you ever wanted to use a spoon to rip your eye out when it just keeps twitching, yeah me either (wink wink)?
14. Is it racial if someone says "hey I like your haircut it makes you look like a Mohican"?
15. Has anyone heard from Little Jay? Yeah me either.
16. I watched Designated Survivor on Wednesday and it was pretty good. Hope it stays that way. If you haven't watched it I highly recommend it.
17. Luke Cage starts on Netflix this Friday so I know what I will be doing in my spare time this weekend...binge watching that motherfucker.
18. Guess who is going to a best man at his brothers wedding? This guy. (Lets hope he opts for suits over tuxedos - everyone knows my feelings on rented clothing).
19. Anyone interested on Ortiz last home game this Sunday at Fenway? Mikey T is selling his tickets, hit him up.
20. If you call and leave me a voicemail just know I am not going to listen to it and will delete it ASAP just to get the icon off my phone.


Some people hated it and thought I was being too negative (we have Calnan for that). Some people liked it because A. they like lists and B. they like bonus shit. So I am going to do a bonus round of things I am currently hating on the last Monday of the month. This way I'm not always negative and it can be a recap of the month - deal? See compromise at its best

September bonus - Things I hated this month:
1. Most people are not political but now all of a sudden Kapernick takes a knee and everyone flips out.
2. Pumpkin everything. I mean Pumpkin Pringles may be over the line.
3. People who are disrespectful when you talk to them but they want something from you. Pretty  sure you should treat people as you want to be treated.
4. The cold air bringing dry skin.
5.  It being pitch black outside when I leave for work.
6.  God damn vet bills.
7. How fast I was excited for fantasy football and now I hate my team and it.
8. The conversation to put down a pet.
9. Fucking Solar city and every other god damn solar company calling me to switch to solar energy.
10. Twitter changing their god damn AP every other day. No I don't give a shit about things while I was away or people I may want to follow. Let me be damn it.


Monday, September 19, 2016

Summahs ova

Yeah this week summer is officially over. To be honest with you guys, I can not for the life of me figure out this fucking weather anyways. But I know that Fall starts on Thursday and thats that!

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. No one is as excited as I am for the Magnificent Seven.
2. Have you gotten your Kubie Krawl shirt yet?
3. How many of you get annoyed when I don't post till late on Mondays?
4. Had to replace all my smoke/CO2 detectors in my god damn house.
5. Ever have Sunday night Redsox/Yanks tickets that no one wants to go to and you cant even give the pair a way? Oh yeah me either.
6. Rumor has it HKD has some nibbles on his place and few video interviews up here went well. Maybe he will be back before the end of 2016.
7. The food truck festival was a blast. Pretty sure I got a buzz on, a full belly and a sun burn. Win all day. If you missed it, or are just NORTH SHORE for Life, There is one coming to Stoneham October 15th.
8. Chrissy may be addicted to Buffalo Wild Wings. Kids there like 3 times a week.
9. You get so much gossip at the barber shop.
10. So far there is Derek and Chrissy going out in Providence Oct 1st. Whole lot of maybes and I think so's. Still waiting on Leadens answer.
11. Beef stew or chili?
12. Is anyone else sick of the Rock yet?

Alright gotta go do some things. Till next week.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Yes sir

Football is back and life couldn't be better.


This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Portland Maine is a pretty sweet place to get away too. Lots of breweries, tap houses and restaurants.
2. People were hemming and hawing about the Patriots and no Brady, no Gronk and they chalked it up as a loss this week against the Cards. Now everyone saying I knew they would win is absolute dog shit.
3. I had a few of the Dunkins cold brews and can't  tell the difference.
4. Who is going to meet me at Quincy food truck festival Saturday?
5. If that is not your cup of tea, head down to Hull for Endless Summer.   Coach K will probably be kissing babies and shaking hands.
6. I know I have bashed BWW on numerous occasions but you have to be batshit insane to eat the Blazin sauce. Just ask Colin.
7. Another year and I am out of the suicide pool in week 1. Pretty sure this is my last year running it.
8. Heard there is a road trip to the Poconos being planned for October. Chrissy is recruiting people to partay with.
9. How good is it that fantasy football is back. Jeffrey is killing the Draftkings. He has weekly head to heads so if you are interested hit em up.
10. Why does it seem that twitter changes their ap every damn week.
11. Oh man Mario and Big Bob are dumping their Bruins tickets after this season.
12. What is more annoying - texting someone and not hearing back for 2 days or when someone borrows something and never returns it?
13. Matt and Meggers are taking name suggestions for their baby girl due in February...Apparently they don't like my suggestion of Peggy.
14. They can take shepherds pie off every menu ever.
15. If you get way up there in Maine stop by Dew Haven because it isn't every day you can feed a black bear.
16. The World Cup of hockey starts Saturday, man what a time to be alive.
17. I can't believe that Tupac Shakur died 20 years ago today. Everyone knows that when it comes to the Tupac vs Biggie debate I am Tupac every single day.
18. I don't really understand the whole leaf peeping. I mean I love fall, its my favorite season but driving around looking at changing colors of trees aint my jam. Give me football, apple pie, brisk mornings, lazy couch naps, apple picking and i'll even take a hay ride but fuck that leaf peeping.
19. Has anyone heard from Riccio? I was thinking about a trip to the Wickendon pub, perhaps for Christians Bday. Who is in?
20. I hate how long cell phone batteries last now. When I had this phone the fucking battery would last a week, no matter how much I texted or played snake:


21. If the RedSox are in a pennant race and no one is watching does it really happen?
22. I wonder how Hong Kong Daves house sale is going? Haven't heard from him since August!
23. If you are looking for a Kubie Krawl shirt see Calnan or Phelps.
24. It appears as though TMX went out of business. I have tried to contact them but all I get is a busy signal. I know there was some on going litigation with the TMX boxing  academy. Lets hope they come back and perhaps re-branded.

Ok, I am sorry I forgot to post  yesterday. Got caught up reading all my emails from vacation and then when I finally remembered it was late in the day so I said fuck it.
#TuesdaySurprise

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

BLAH

Tuesdays after Labor day have to be the worst Tuesdays of the year, am I right?

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. It is never easy putting down your pet. RIP Shinobi you had a good 14 year run.
2. Blu Mussel in Cohasset is pretty damn good.
3. What exactly is Jesse James up to? Is he making knives and being a blacksmith?
4. Anything better than a nice round of golf on a Sunday afternoon? Free Golf?
5. Thanks Google for constantly creeping on my whereabouts.
6. Pandora One is where its at.
7. You would think that in 2016  cell phone batteries wouldnt be exploding and they would last a bit longer.
8. The NFL season kicks off on Thursday, where are we meeting up?
9. Jeffrey is finally getting around to redoing his downstairs bathroom.
10. If you don't like root beer floats, I don't know if we can be friends.
11. Being afraid to fart is one of the worst feelings in the world. Having to be near a bathroom for 2 days is a close second.
12. Chris Leaden is looking for a Pearl Jam road trip next year - so far Wrigley field is the top choice, any suggestions?
13. Rumor has it Chrissy is up for father of the year.
14. Finally caught Straight Outta Compton. N.W.A. is still fucking awesome.
15. No more white pants, right Padraig?
16. With everyone always being busy and living everywhere, catching up with family is always a blast.
17. Chrissy is still looking for some left calf tattoo ideas.
18. If anyone is interested in joining the suicide pool, HMU and i'll add you.

Monday, August 29, 2016

September

Football is only 10 days away.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Sunday birthday parties for kids are not where its at.
2. This was passed along to me by D-Hags, its a pretty good laugh:
             https://youtu.be/KHPfgsTVTjA
3. If you  can't get down with ice cream when you are wasted then we probably can't be friends.
4. I guess I am officially old(not that the gray hairs didn't give it away) when I have no desire to go to Countryfest because everyone going is so young and they get sloppy drunk and I don't want to deal with that.
5. Ladies who complain about giving birth, I get it. I once caught my dick in my zipper.
6. I really don't get any of this new rap music. Like at all.
7. I heard from a friend who heard from a friend who heard from a guy who knows Bill Smiddy, who said he is back in the big bed in Southie.
8. Is anyone every really surprised anymore for a surprise birthday party? Mikey T is right google ruins everything.
9. Has anyone been to Lucys in Dorchester?
10. What is the last official beach day of the year? Asking for a friend.
11. Oh yeah speaking of beach days, I believe I have asked Christian Daniel MacPhail to go to the beach 217 times this summer and he always says no but that prick goes and invites no one...bit shelfish(ha ha) isnt it?
12. Do you think people would play more golf if you had to pay by the hole?
13. Kubo and the 2 strings is a weird kids movie.
14. How the fuck does Dunking Donuts already start pumping out Pumpkin everything? FUCK YOU AND YOUR PUMPKIN FLAVORED SHIT!
15. Tomorrow is Xander Bogaerts bobble head day? HMMM guess where i'll be?
16. Labor day cookouts? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Welchie? Welchie?

Ok I am off to do some work. Do something nice for someone this week, would ya?

Monday, August 22, 2016

It is here

Fantasy football season.
Suicide pools.
Pick em alls.
Soon enough white bitches will be all pumpkin everything!!

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Jason Foley likes to get after it when he is unsupervised.
2. Anything worse than coming home to find a nice pile of dog vomit all over your bed?
3. The people watching at the Marshfield fair is something.
4. Sorry to say that Chrissy did not win his heat at the derby but man he was fucking shit up.
5. Hangover pukes are way better than drunk pukes.
6. Lock it up now, next years ADSL daft is August 26th...time to be determined.
7. If you are looking for a place to rent down the Cape next year, Jason is looking to buy a rental.
8. Do you think you could stay at the fair from noon to 10:30 pm? Chrissy and his kids do it every year.
9. Would you rather have your dream car built or buy one already built?
10. Who the fuck is watching 90 day fiance?
11. How much would it cost for you to get a TB12 tattoo? His actual logo?
12. Jeffrey skipped out on Summer Slam this year. Always his favorite event.
13 If you are looking for one of these...its in Braintree on someones lawn.


14. Nothing could be more annoying than 3 children screaming "Better left unread, than Dead", anytime you check your phone in the car.
15. Honestly why can't they make a pair of socks that always feel like the first time you put em on?
16. The start of the draft:


The end of the draft but well before bar hopping:


17. Mike Foley just buzzes around town like a social drinking butterfly.
18. Anyone up for a beach day this Saturday? I heard it is gonna be 82 and sunny...HMU!!
19. Chrissy is back on nights so the day drinking starts again.
20. Chris Leaden is looking for donations so he can take batting practice of Rocket Roger Clemens, so far he is up to $117.89. Every bit helps.

Monday, August 15, 2016

Lets do this

Man, August is half over so that means that summer is 3/4th the way done. That makes me sad.

This is what I learned:
1. Chrissy bought him self a tank for the derby:




2. So Chrissy has the beast entered this Friday night at the demolition derby at the Marshfield fair. 
It kicks off at 7:00 so come on down and support him. Willie, i'll be there at 6:30.
3. Calnan was right the CWC on the WWE network is pretty fucking awesome.
4. Comellas has some pretty awesome chicken parm.
5. The Harpoon Razz is my everything right now. It taste like a raspberry lime rickey beer.
6. Why don't they make a sun screen that doesn't burn the hell out of your eyes when you sweat/wim?
7. In Maine their idea of air conditioning is to open a window.
8. Pretty sure that I would be a full blown insomniac if I worked the over night shift on the regular.
9. Im surprised that people still play roller hockey, hell I am more surprised they still sell inline skates.
10. I heard a rumor that they are remaking Scarface, needless to say this upset me.
11. If you are a fan of brunch, Ashmont Grill is where it is at.
12. Chrissy is excited for the Alumni cafe opening in Weymouth this month.
13. How is this a thing that I have never had? I got my head on a swivel and can not find them.
14. Since we are speaking on candy, I had no idea so many people were in love with Snickers. I just want to clear the air, I like Snickers they just are not on my top 10 list is all.
15. What are the odds that Tom Kelly shows on Friday night at the Fair?
16. Is it just me or are they putting less cereal in the boxes?

Ok gotta run and enjoy this 92 degree day.
Don't forget the ADSL fantasy draft is this Saturday and JASON FOLEY IS WEARING A DRESS. STOP ON BY.

Monday, August 8, 2016

Blah Blah Blah

That is how I feel today. Just blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH!

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. I will keep seeing Pearl Jam forever.
2. Nothing wrong with getting wasted and having a good time, everything wrong with having to baby sit a grown adult.
3. Always a good impression if the new neighbors see you drinking at 10:30 am on your deck.
4. Who knew they actually make a pruning blade for your sawzall.
5. Trying to find a quality vintage car is hard.
6. I liked Suicide Squad but I can see how people didn't like how they just jumped into the middle of the story.
7. Is anyone actually watching the Olympics? Does anyone care?
8. It is 2016 how the fuck does the mall open at 11 am? I mean what in the actual fuck.
9. Now that we all know where we are picking in the fantasy draft...let the mock drafts begin.
10. If they have a preason football game and cancel it does anyone even care?
11. Is there anything worse than your eye ball twitching at work.
12. Telling Uber drivers random made up bullshit stories is even more fun than actual taxi car drivers.
13. Is anyone up for a weekend afternoon of golfing (at least 9 hole) and bar hopping? Chris Leaden is looking to make it happen and I am looking to assist him.
14.  Chrissy giving me shit for things that I forgot or don't put on the blog is crazy.
15. Julie Nickerson was spotted and seems to be back in the swing of things.
16. If you like BBQ and are around the Fenway area stop by Sweet Cheeks Q, you will not be disappointed.
17. Brady is always on the go, last weekend killing it on cape, where she apparently found the only straight guy hanging out in Provincetown.
18. Calnan will get a unicorn and kitten tattoo if someone pays for it and he gets $1500. Is anyone interested in donating so I can get this done?
19. Pretty sure no one want to fuck you at the concert, 100000% sure.
20. Cucumber (puke)  vodka is all the rage right now.
21. These new alcohol sparkling seltzers are the new Zima, from what I am being told by my peeps.
22. If you had to pick only 1 sport to follow for the rest of your life what would you chose? Baseball, basketball, football or hockey? I am on the fence between football and hockey.

Peace and have a great week.


Monday, August 1, 2016

Summers half over

Holy shit it is already August 1st and that means the summer is half over.  Only half the beach days left for the year. Still waiting to hear who is having a Labor day cookout.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Jason Bourne was a pretty good movie, Matt Damon still has it.
2. Nintendo is coming out with a retro console in November and now Sega is too.
3. Other than a few random tweets has anyone heard from Christian Daniel Macphail?
4. Why is lunch at a bar alone frowned upon? I actually kind of like it.
5. Anyone happen to have a chainsaw I can borrow?
6. I don't know if Calnan is excited for fantasy football or more excited to bust peoples balls.
7. Is anyone else going to Pearl Jam on Friday?
8.  I am finally all caught up on Preacher, man that show is messed up.
9. My car is almost paid off so I am looking for a new car, any suggestions.
10. I am a firm believer in paying it forward.
11. People still go to Canobie Lake?
12. If you go to the movies and don't get popcorn, did you really go to the movies?
13. I am still in need of a stone paver patio to be put in, do you know anyone?
14. Its heritage days down in Scituate this weekend. Heard they have an inflatable bar, who is going?
15. If you think adulting is hard try half adulting.
16. I love how everyone is a football expert now with Patriots training camp in full swing.

Ok sorry but I gotta run.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

It happens

Sorry that I haven't posted. I have just been caught up and on the go since Sunday.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Everyone makes mistakes. You have to deal with it and move on. You either learn from it or you are bound to repeat it.
2. Sometimes a plate of bacon is an appropriate dinner, when you are an adult.
3. I always laugh at people who wear socks and sneakers to the beach.
4. Speaking of the beach, I get how Martell stays there for 12 hours a day.
5. What is your least favorite chore? I say doing the dishes.
6. I obsess over the littlest things and I am working on it.
7. Do people who can't cook get mad when they see kids on Chopped whipping up crazy things with crappy ingredients.
8. Is anyone else going to Pearl Jam next Friday?
9. We all have friends that make us smile no matter what the situation is.
10. Seeing TK in Hull was like seeing a fish out of water.
11. What would you do if you won the Powerball? I decided I would have a pool filled with Reeses Pieces and swim around that bitch like Scrooge Mcduck.
12. How long could you go without shaving? I think 5 months is the longest I have ever gone.
13. It make me laugh that everyone has an opinion of my haircut - good or bad there is no in between.
14. I have heard of a cleaning the fridge party, where you just drink all the random beers you have accumulated but a cooler cleaning party?  Well that happens too.
15. How do you get a warrant for an outstanding excise tax? Like you cant pay a $85 bill?
16. Four year olds are chatty and also like sponges. They take in everything.
17. Is anyone else watching Preacher? Or is it just Rio and I?
18. Is there anything worse than stubbing your baby toe?

Monday, July 18, 2016

I survived

It was 50/50 if I was going to survive a week down the Cape. If anyone happened to follow Jeffrey's snap chat story you know what I am talking about if not then maybe you should get on that.

This is what I learned while on vacation:
1. Who hates on Smartfood? I mean honestly?
2. How does one hurt themselves jogging?
3. So far I have stayed in Orleans, Brewster and now Harwich. It is difficult tryinhg to find where you'd like to vacation every year.
4. Has anyone actually used one of those bagsters?
5. For the first time in 6 years, my flood insurance did not go up this year.
6. Is Julie Nickerson alive? Haven't heard from her in months.
7. Charles V. Grillo is in a relationship (Pretty sure it is FB verified).
8. Speaking of Grillo he is at the Republican National Convention because why wouldn't he?
9. Never give a 3 year old hot buffalo wing sauce on celery - life lessons.
10. Always dump out your mixed drinks when you leave for the day.
11. The older you get the more you realize whayt matters.
12. Jeffrey past 9 and went to 12...#Jeffreyon12 was trending for 6 minutes on Twitter.
13. Hong Kong Dave is fixing up his row house in Baltimore for his inevitable move back to Mass. If you know anyone looking in Ravens country.
14. Jason Foley is looking for a place up on Lake Winnesasauke if you know if anything out there.
15. I only had 3 texts about why haven't I posted a new blog yet...baby steps.
16. I have been to the beach many times in my life but never have I had sand blowing into my mouth while I ate a sandwich, until this past week.
17. No one vacations like Lauren Brady - Pembroke, Cape Cod, Worchester, Rockland, Plymouth and Holden all crammed into 1 week of living.
18. I may have someone on the hook to get a tattoo of Derek riding a donkey.
19. You ever meet someone new who opens their mouth to speak and then just think to yourself  "What a fucking dickhead".
20. I may be looking for a new 10th for the ADSL fantasy league. If you are interested HMU.


Friday, July 8, 2016

Friday forward

Okay okay some of you are not happy with an old re-post from 2011. I get it, maybe you have read it before or maybe you just don't find it as funny as I do. I am more than willing and capable to write up something (probably non witty and mostly random but hey its Friday).

Here are some random Friday ramblings:
1. How many coffees in one day is too many coffees?
2. Would you rather be on a beach some where or up in a cabin on a lake?
3. More and more older people are getting into Snap chat.
4. We all have that one friend who gets drunk and repeats the same 6 things when they are wasted. If you don't then it may be you.
5. Random Thursday drinking nights are always welcomed in my world.
6. What are your feelings on the word "moist"?
7. Do you prefer your beer in a bottle? cans? or an ice cold draft?
8. Someone told me recently they don't have a favorite color or number because they don't believe in that kind of silliness. Uhm, bro its a color or a number not the fucking Easter bunny.
9. They say that parents can never pick their favorite child but can you pick your favorite sibling?
10.  How come the older you get the less sleep you actually get? I mean I am functioning on 4 hours some nights and tops 6 others.
11. Sometimes this is an answer:


12. I heard HBC bank is moving towards finger/thumb prints for your accounts and maybe away from ATM cards.
13. How many actual phone numbers do people know? In this day and age of cell phones,  how many do you actually dial?
14. Jeffrey believes that yoga pants are lies and the only true way to gauge a women's ass is a nice pair of jeans.
15. I have said it before and I will say it till I am blue in the face Buffalo Wild Wings is gaross!
16. If you were purchasing a new car (Or a new to you car) what would you be looking at? And what color?
17. It appears that Chrissy is looking to do a 5K every 3 months. You people better get on this.
18. Marvel is making changes to their comics, Iron man will now be a 15 year old girl.
19. Man I am excited for these great white sharks and the killer whale spotted off the cape.  I would love to see the killer whale more than the sharks but ill take either at this point.
20. I am a firm believer in karma, everything happens for a reason, god has a plan, do unto others as you will have done unto you, hard work pays off, manners matter, treating people with respect, listening to someone vent goes a long way and differing opinions are what make us who we are.

Magic 21



Some of you are aware, I get emails from time to time about blogging. It is usually a website to check out or a new restaurant to try but occasionally I get old school emails to post (you know the ones you used to forward around back in 1999 - I mean #19 talks about waiting by a phone - it is old).

Well, this one is from the time of Sean Riccio and it gets sent to me every year or so. Since I am going on vacation next week it seems like to right time to share it with everyone again. Make sure you read all 21, laugh a little bit and pick out your favorite. (By the way let me know if any actually work).

I laugh every time at #7 and #9. If you guys have anything else you may want me to post send it along.


These magic 21 tricks for pleasing your woman have been passed down for centuries, and each is an old Tibetan teaching I will now share with you.

1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (Or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say you better be. Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for pussies and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words "fuck you" and grab the other girls ass.
Girls love competition.

8. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

9. Warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... Then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

10. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

11. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she's cooking food. knock the food off the table.  I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

12. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

13. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair.
This way shell go crazy.

14. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

15. Titty twisters, and plenty of them.

16. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

17. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

18. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just when ever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.

19. If shes mad at you for not calling her when you say you will promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now shell be really excited. Now don't call. Ever.

20. Next time you are having sex, make sure you get off before she does, then get off her and leave. Girls love that.

21. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.


Tuesday, July 5, 2016

WOOO WOOO WOOO

I hope that everyone had a fun and eventful Fourth of July weekend. I know that I did!

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. The older you get the faster the year flies by.
2. Can't get more American that Budweisers and baseball:

3. When did they start selling cans all over Fenway Park? And when did the beer guys start coming up to the grandstand selling beers?
4. If you are having a cookout a bouncy house and snow cone machine should be somewhere on your list.
5. How drunk must you be to pass out on the couch two nights in a row and not walk up the stairs? Asking for a friend.
6. It is funny how a $3 squirt gun can make a little kids day.
7. Why aren't blackened chicken sandwiches on more menus?
8. Remember when Wimbledon was a thing? There was fanfare.
9. Pretty sure Jeffrey hates my haircut.
10. Korean Beef tacos are my new jam.
11. People are upset that KD picked the Warriors. Get over it, we got Al Horford!
12. If you had to enter a sandwich into a sandwich competition, what would you enter? Any kind of sandwich you want.
13. Why the fuck does Twitter update their Ap every god damn week. Just when I get comfortable with it they update it,.
14. Some people get drunk and chatty, some just clam up.
15. Pretty sure half my life has consisted of this conversation:
"What do you want to eat?"
"I dunno, what do you want to eat?"
"I don't know, what do you feel like"
16.Man mother nature does not want me to have nice grass.
17. Nothing good happens after 2 am!
18. Why do people debate if hot dogs are a sandwich?

Ok gotta jet. Have a great week


Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Whats up for the 4th

Yes, I know that yesterday was Monday.
Yes, I know that is when I usually update the blog.
But after returning from vacation and weeding through 417 emails, I forgot about it till noon and then just said fuck it till Tuesday.

This is what I learned while I was away:
1. Sun burns suck, no matter how much sun block you use you still get a burn.
2. Does anyone give a shit about Shark Week anymore?
3. When you cut your hair a different way every one has something to say/an opinion.
4. If you are looking for a fun time: get together with Chrissy and Leaden for 9 holes of golf, lunch and day drinking.

video

5. Calnan can call me a raving psychopath all he wants but I still don't see his top 10 Candy bar list.
6. Anyone who makes fun of Ray Bourque, is an asshole. Don't act like you have never made a mistake.
7. Congrats to William J. Smiddy who is training for the 2017 Boston Marathon.
8. Whats that old saying - Screw me once shame on you, screw me twice shame on me. What is it if its screw me for a 20th time?
9. Guess possums can never get rabies.
10. The roof deck at Alba is a good time.
11. Did anyone else catch the Michael Jackson's Journey from Motown to Off the Wall?
12. It always makes me laugh/smile when people are so into soccer for big events but shit on the MLS and Premier league.
13. Stamkos to the Bruins or Durant to the Celtics? What seems more likely?
14. Ive been really killing the grapefruit  beers. They just seem very summery.
15. Still cant find anyone to go to Chicago with me on July 23rd weekend.   Ill get the hotel you just gotta fly out there.
16. People have slowly started shuffling off the Red Sox band wagon since June 1st.
17. Is there any show that TLC would not put together and put on? I am waiting for the Calnan and Chrissy show to come out - TV GOLD. ( Also over under on when Alli would leave Chrissy by for being TV famous is 9 months to a year)
18. Speaking of the Macphails good luck on the 5K on Sunday, now you didn't hear this from me but I am hearing people are wagering on who finishes first.
19. How come people aren't more in an uproar about the flooding in West Virginia? Shouldn't we be helping out one and other? Oh if you can not use it to prop up your cause then fuck it?
20. What is your take on the Brexit? Good? Bad? Xenophobia? Patriotic?

Don't forget the Annual Whitley cookout is Sunday, July 3rd, stop by anytime after 1. We will have plenty of food and some beers. Rumor has it there will be a bouncy house and a snow cone machine(not really sure which one is for the kids and for the adults).


Monday, June 20, 2016

Derek is a raving psycopath


he's big, he's burly, he's always down to booze and for a short period titled himself Mr Booze.

but, then again there was always something a little off about him right? Just a little something. Maybe its the always being happy? Love of the hentai genre? The zany facial hair? I don't know myself but this. THIS I KNOW

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN PROOF HES A PSYCHOPATH


1. Kit Kat
2. Reeces Peanut Butter cup
3. Mounds/Almond Joy
4. Reeces Pieces
5. Hershey - kisses, mini candy bars or full size bars
6.M & M peanuts
7. Man I loved Whatchamacallits when I was little
8. Twix bars
9. Caramellos
10. 100 Grand bar

Sorry Snickers and Milky Way

What the hell is that? Kit Kat #1 Ya sure Kit Kat is a respectable but, at best is suited for ice cream cumbling

#2 Reeces? First open the Wikipedia its REESES, second its 2016 everyone has peanut butter allegies especially kids. Might as well say I hate kids and steal from collection baskets.

#3 Mounds/Almond Joy, Who in human history has ever uttered the words "Man I could go for an Almond Joy"? Answer: No One

#4 Reeces Pieces, misspelled again. Just double down on the kid hate more bro.

#5 Hershey? Didn't know this was a Candy Company list? And fucking nobody likes Hershey Kisses. Their role is to go square in the center of an oatmeal cookie come Christmas time AND even then that is at best a dessert appetizer

#6 Peanut M&Ms ok I respect this, and is Kid safe because it doesn't contain Peanut Butter

#7 Whatchamacallits, date yourself some more grandpa, I bet you liked them with a nice can of Moxie right before buying some War Bonds and taking the trolley to the pictures

#8 Twix Bar? That's not candy, its a snack food? Whats next Fruit by the Foot or Gushers?

#9 Caremellos? They actually sell those? I thought you could only get them out of church fundraiser candy boxes?

#10 100 Grand Bar? Again, how was the Depression? Was Polio a real concern of yours? Do rowdy teens upset you?

and last but not least sorry Snickers and Milky Way? Might as well say put me on a watch list. What you did was the equivalent of Moses coming down the mountain with Thou Shall Not Kill and Thou shall not steal covered up and saying NBD?

What is that? Any coincidence Derek got into Sausage making recently? Well after this I can tell you conclusively those sausages everyone was raving about contained human flesh.

Have a good vacation Derek. I know your not going anywhere but, I can guarantee readers there is going to be a spike in missing persons and mutilated farm animals







Friday, June 17, 2016

Friday Funday?

I am on vacation next week and that means I won't be blogging, so I decided that I would do a Friday ramblings type post. More so that I won't get any 7:30/8:00 wake up texts asking why there is no blog (Rolling my eyes at you Chrissy and Riccio). Plus most people won't check this thing till Monday anyways so it will be new to them then.

Friday ramblings:
1. Man, Morrissey Blvd has become a NASCAR super speedway between 3-7pm, Monday through Friday.
2. Who is throwing together a Fathers day Brunch for Paddy? He is underway on his adoption process!
3. How can people like coffee but hate iced coffee?
4. Just found out that male menopause exists after you turn 40, right Chiefdude?
5. You would think that thousandaire ideas would be easier to launch.
6. Do you have a top 10 candy bar list? Not fruit type candies like Starbursts, Skittles or Jolly ranchers(Obviously I has them on there). I have recently had this discussion and wanted your lists.
7. Still looking for a 4th for golf on Monday morning, tee time is 10 am at North Hill in Duxbury.
8. We all have a few friends that you have to do a wellness check on from time to time, know what I am saying?
9. Still haven't heard back from anyone in regards to making it to the Chipman Family Pig roast. Looks like a solo outing.

10. It seems like everyone and their mother is writing and publishing children's books
11. There are just some people that just don't get along, like 2 magnets. What can you do?
12. What is your take on bloody Mary's? Yes or no? Morning only? Or anytime?
13. What temperature is the cut off for a beach day - 68 degrees?
14. Is there anything more annoying than the guy who constantly makes plans with you, only to break them when something "better" comes along?

Here is my candy list:
1. Kit Kat
2. Reeces Peanut Butter cup
3. Mounds/Almond Joy
4. Reeces Pieces
5. Hershey - kisses, mini candy bars or full size bars
6.M & M peanuts
7. Man I loved Whatchamacallits when I was little
8. Twix bars
9. Caramellos
10. 100 Grand bar

Sorry Snickers and Milky Way.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Should I adpot a child?






Lets just skip all the jazz here and get into it. I'm 31, and everyone around me is having kids. Now mind you these kids are being created "naturally" but I really think this is a by product of Sox/Patriots system loving. For example how many Sox Prospects have been called the next big thing? Or how many times have you people claimed Bellichicks system made a player? Remember when we fixed Randy Moss, by cracking down on him and showing him the Patriot Way? Making him get up early and chopping wood?????

Ya well I think this same thing is going on with you "Natural Birthers", just putting too much stock in your farm system or your "family" system. Oh my kids in the 90th percentile or my kid is reading at blah blah level. Just throwing Sabremetrics out there to basically cover up your kid is probably going to be a run of the mill state school "bust". its just averages sure every kid is special and just maybe MAYBE one of you is currently housing the next Cam Newton.

But screw that why play the genetic lottery when there are 6 Billion People out there whose genetics you can comb through to find an ESTABLISHED product. Have fun raising the next Michael Bishop guys I'm hitting the free agent wire.

Now I'm generally told that even in the most impoverished countries "Kid Kombines" are frowned on. I had my way id go with ole reliable 40 yd time, 225 reps and vertical leap. But because that would be "dangerous" or cruel ive decided on 3 basic metrics. Height (6'1" min I'm not rasing midgets), Weight ( no fatties so sorry America) and the greatest  Intangible EDGE.


and no I'm not being sexist by choosing a son. I think if I had any clue how to speak with women I wouldn't be in this mess.



1.) height

ok well this was a surprise I most certainly thought Uganda would come out of no where. But I can do Norway. I mean sure 6ft is a little Manlet for my liking but whatever, I respect the Norwegish tradtion of Vikings and Norse Superhero Gods (suck it Christianity)


2. weight
ok so this one was a little tricky to interpret. I'm not really a sabre metric guy and a lot of these countries aren't "favs" like Canada and Brazil. But I really respect the metric BMI. While you guys are being force fed "Percentiles" by Human Vets (aka Pediatricians) and being told your little heffer is "special" Ive basically found the perfect metric to minimize my chances of acquiring the next Baby Sandoval. With a BMI of 22 I think Mozambique is the clear winner. Again I love that another Scandavian Country beat out the competition AGAIN. 22 is perfect not to big and not to skinny.


3. EDGE

confused yet? I'm sure your feeling like baseball fans did when the Yankees discovered the DR. Well I'm sure many of you xenophobic nuts were saying der CBR America is back to back world war champs. Well I think this graphic speaks for itself. the clear winners of the EDGE metric is the Jivaaroans a little tribe in North Peru. Maybe you've heard of them before by there streetname HEAD HUNTERS

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jivaroan_peoples



So there you have it well your sitting at some awful recital or participation award sports game. Ill be looking for my future Norwegian/Mozambiki/Jivavorian  Son whose name Ive already chosen (hint rhymes with ABRETOOH)

So probably by time you see me next youll have to respect me because ILL BE FATHER


Corrections:

1) I think the first graphic was kind of slanted towards Europeans
2) Turns out Mozambique is not in Scandanavia
3) honestly is naming a kid open to Copyrght law? Could I just name my kid Sabretooth?

Monday, June 13, 2016

Lets to do this

Well it is official. I heard Summertime by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince so summer is here.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Mario always takes the best weeks off for vacation.
2. TK met Andre Tippett.
3. The Chiefdude had a health scare but seems to have bounced back like a rubber ball.
4. I guess cell phones are made to last 2 years so if you get a 3rd year you should be happy.
5. Would you rather go to Plainridge or Twin Rivers?
6. What is the most $ you have ever spent on the lottery at one time, Scratch tickets or daily games?
7. Congrats to Mark and Cathleen on the birth of their first child.
8. Speaking of children, I heard Mike G is having a 3rd.
9. Totally forgot, last week I was told that finger banging is out. Its the same thing as a guy getting a hand job. Is this true? And if it is true what next oral sex is out the window?
10.  Some Friday nights you just need a pizza and a movie.
11. Jeffrey and Rob working over on the Vineyard for a few days, oh we getting fancy now.
12. I am still killing the Moscow Mules when I  get a chance.
13. Anyone up for some 9 holes of golfing and day drinking any time soon? Like next week? Chrissy, Leaden and I are looking for a 4th.
14. If you are looking for a used car how old is too old?
15. What are your feeling on cheese and seafood?
16. Have you ever had fresh Kielbasa? Not smoked? Its ok but nothing to write home about.
17. Mike Foley says the new menu at Apple bees BLOWS.
18. Switching all my stuff from my old phone to my new was pretty easy between Verizon cloud and Google.

That is all I have for now.

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Tuesday Boozeday?

I mean it is tempting, right? Blowing off work and just going day drinking.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Cookout season is upon us - two on the same day. Now thats living!
2. Getting rear ended is the worst.
3. Another year and another successful Dot Day.


video
                                                             (video by Grillo)

4. Speaking of Dot Day, Congrats to Chrissy to winning the Dot day Bowl off.
5. Is anyone actually watching this NBA Finals?
6. Going out for lunch and sitting at the bar alone is totally normal right?
7. Rob Knudsen a.k.a. as Coach K is on Snap chat.
8. Who wears sweat pants to a bar?
9. Apparently Cambridge voted to change Columbus Day to Indigenous people day.
10. First time in years that Nora Mitchell did not make Dot Day.
11. Can you guess what one of these things didn't happen in a packed bar:
                                    A. Someone whipped their dick out
                                    B. Someone took their tits out.
                                    C. Legit dance off with money involved
                                    D. Random strangers hugging and one kissing the others ones neck
                                    E. Someone complaining about not getting shots FOR OVER 7 HOURS
                                    F. Aliens walked in and obliterated everyone
12. Jeffrey is now on Venmo.
13. Putting little kids bikes together is a bit stressful. Directions say may cause death if you do it wrong. I mean what the fuck bro!
14. I know you were all very worried about my neck. It feels a whole hell of a lot better.
15. Calnan needs to get back to work soon. He is starting to scare me.
16. How many bat shit insane crazy friend do you have to have before you start to think that maybe you are crazy?

Gotta go. Work to do and all.