Monday, August 31, 2015

Summers over

Labor day weekend is fast approaching and that marks the end of summer. I hope everyone had a blast!!

This is what I learned this weekend:

1. Up until this weekend I had never seen a crow on the beach before. It was kind of weird seeing crows and seagulls.
2. Chrissy is looking for that father of the year award, certainly moved up a few notches with his father/daughter day at the Marshfield fair.
3. If you cant get down with naps then I probably cant get down with you.
4. I hope you guys have been watching Hard Knocks, JJ Watt is a fucking animal.
5. Congrats to Mario and Ashley on their wedding. Great times had by all.
6. Farmers Almanac is a dick.
7. It is official Mike Foley is coming back to Quincy at the end of the month, Chrissy is helping him come back!
8. Backstrap BBQ in Winthrop is legit as fuck.
9. How did I just find out about $2 tacos on Wednesday nights, at Plaza Azteca in Hingham?
10. Who doesn't like surprise delivery?
11. Fucking hang nails are a bitch.
12. Automotive mechanics are such scam artists.
13. I can probably go without gin for a long ass time.
14. What do you guys know about Sesame street place? The MacPhails are heading there this weekend so they won't be crashing any Labor Day cookouts.
15. Everyday you should get after it.
16. How many fantasy leagues is too many? Asking for a friend.

Yes, I am on vacation and I just blogged.
No, Smiddy did not make the Long wedding.

Friday, August 28, 2015

TMX draft review

Football is just about back and the ADSL draft has come to an end so here's is TMX with all the glass shattering details!! The regular board guy Mario Longdashian ( see this kids wedding? hence the name change) was unavailable so we  had two chicks that were never got introduced to and my man Tito, which some wish they were never introduced to!!! The draft was surprisingly quick this year so much so that a few unnamed extended the draft to the casino and buffalo wild wings! We are playing for this belt, The winner of the season gets their name on the belt and keeps it for a year.

Lets just get right to the teams! After TMX wrote their review of each team we googled the teams and these are the pictures that come up...enjoy!

Beachbums as anyone who's followed TMX and adsl knows the Beachbums draft with the full intention of trading and piecing together a championship. Here's their team ( kickers not included) QB Brees, Kap: RB's Hill, Charles, Jennings, Foster, Martin; WR's Green, A. Johnson, Latimer, Floyd, Landry; TE's J.Thomas, Ertz. D Pats, Dolphins. A solid  team that is looking for a big comeback year from Brees and may have hit a lottery ticket with Foster possibly coming back in week 5. Ertz if healthy will finishing with big number in Chip Kelly's offense and Martin is looking like come back player of the year. As soon as BB flips a rb for a top flight wr he will be in the hunt.

Black Dynomite's team is as follows- QB Rodgers, E. Manning RBs- J. Bell, Morris, Blue, Sproles, L. Bell,; WRs- Cobb, Hopkins, Wallace, Harvin, Macklin; TE's Witten, Gates; D Panthers, Bengals. Well, looks like another wagon for Black Dynomite!! Depth could be an issue and the old men holding down the tightend spot but with Rodgers and Leveon Bell they have arguably the top two at those positions plus Cobb gaining recp with Jordy down and it will be a long season for the BD haters.

Charlie's Angels formerly known as..........well its too long to type, its that guy!! Let's give his team a look. Qb's Brady, Newton; RB's Ingram, Cj Anderson, Gray, Williams, J. Stew; WR's Sanders, Thomas, Quick, Adams, M. Bryant; TE's Allen, M. Williams. D- Cards and Niners. Charlie's had a good draft not sure what the strategy was getting all the broncos but failing to secure the qb for double points but hey last time I check TMX hasn't won a league. The tight end position could use an upgrade but Adams gets a huge bump with jordy out. Charlie's should be ready to roll from the jump and then pick up a fired up Brady.

Creepshots ( no relation to Jerkshots) team is QB's Stafford, Tannehill RB's Forsett, Millar, Vereen, Yeldon, Randle; WR's Megatron, K. Allen, Garcon, Perriman, J. Brown; TE's Gronk, Seferian; D- Rams, Browns. A team lead by biggest name in football Gronk and Megatron but will be carried by guys projected to have career years like Forsett, Millar, J.Brown, K. Allen. Good draft will need help in the depth dept but this team is going to be up there especially if Stafford and Mega do their thing.

DMC the TMX odds on favorite to win it all lets look at this juggernaut- QB's Big Ben , Romo; RB's Ap, Mason, Coleman, Gurley, McFadden; WR's Jeffrey, Cook, Odb, Fuchess, Wheaton; TE's Olson, Walker; D- BIlls, Vikes.  The team with the number one pick usually doesn't finish number one but some crafty drafting getting Big Ben and 3 top tier wr's in a ppr league to go along with angry AP makes this team the team to do it!! Olsen is right behind Gronk as top tight end and with Benjamin out he should be a ppr machine!! Getting a solid rb2 should be a priority but right now this team looks like a contender.

Equalizers team is QB- Luck, Palmer; RB's Spiller, Gordon, Sankey, Crowell, Stacy; WR's Tate, Dez, S.Smith, Bolden, Lafell; TE's Bennett, Clay D- Broncos, Giants. Equalizers came in hot with top qb luck but then took a bunch of chances at rb. The wr's are gonna rely heavy on Dez but he may choose to use the double tight end set. The team isn't terrible but there will have to be some upgrades if they plan on hoisting the belt

Jaybirds made the most noise at the draft ( inside draft joke) lets look at the team Qbs- Rivers, Bridgewater; Rb's L. Muray, D.Cobb, R. Mathews, Hyde, Ivory; Wr's A. Brown, J. Jones, Fitz, Marshall, Agholor; Te's  J. Graham, Rudolph; D- Raven Chargers. The Jaybirds have the two top wr's in Antonio and Julio and that should carry them with Graham in the rec and td depts. The rb situation is Murray as rb1 and a few that could hold down solid rb2/rb1. Rivers and Bridgewater should be throwing all season. TMX followers are waiting to see not if but when Jaybirds start traiding! This team is not built to go back in that hot little number he wore at the draft.

Skza's Squad- Came to the draft and stole picks from people. Tremedous strategy all around! Here's the team QBs-P.Manning, Flacco; RBs- McCoy, Forte, Bush, Langford, Blount; WR's- A. Cooper, Edelman, V.Jax, D.Jax, V.Cruz; TE's Kelce, Miller; D- Jets, Chiefs; Skza's banking on Peyton slinging. McCoy and Forte should kill it in the ppr format and Kelce is being favorably to Gronk. The wr position is going to have to stay healthy and counting on a bounce back year from VJax. The team has a lot of questions but that's how the skza's are every year filled with questions but always in the mix.

Supah P's- first team to get hit by injuries as number one wr Nelson went down. Lets get a look at the team- QB"s Wilson, Bradford; Rb's Lacy, Gio, Ellington, Helu, Freeman; WR's Nelson (out), Evans, White, Wright, Watkins, A. Robinson; TE's Cameron, Eifert; D- Seattle, Eagles. The tough break with Jordy out will obviously be painful but Supahs have a solid team with strength in ppr rbs and two potential breakout tight ends. The wr's will have to be strengthened but Watkins and Robinson could surprise. The Supahs starting off in a bit of a whole could lead to some moves.

Slippery Wizards came in with a belt but looking at the team may not be so lucky next year. QB's Ryan, Cutler; Rb's Lynch, Murray, Gore, Abdullah, Duke; WR's TY, Mathews, Decker, Randle, C Johnson; TE's Fleener, Hill D- Packers, Houston. Slippery Wizards aware its a ppr league? Drafted with his auto reverse headphones like its 1990 rb league this year. Obviously team is rb heavy even jumping on latest rb hype Adbullah? Not sure this approach will work will have to hit on Hill at tight end and C. Johnson at wr. Lot of question marks in the wr and tight end position.

Well there's the brief review and as always if you got any breaking fantasy news call TMX!! Good luck and lets hope for a healthy season TMX out. Thanks as always drunknothings for giving us the space.

Monday, August 24, 2015

Blog Blog Blog

Yes I am back from vacation and no I didn't go anywhere.

This is what I learned this while away:
1. Tattoos on the ribs are not comfy.
2. Fantasy football draft days are always an adventure.
3. Good to see Jason Foley and he is slimmed down nicely.
4. I think I hate Buffalo Wild Wings.
5. Wedding rehearsals are my jam.
6. I have no clue about anything on the North shore, so to tell you I have never been to Beverly is an understatement.
7. Julie Nickerson is back and visiting her old haunts. You can catch her at the Sea Note from time to time.
8. I heard that this winter is going to be as bad as last year and they are already dubbing it Winter Dejavu.
9. Honestly do we need a new and updated Angry Birds 2? There is like 37 different iterations of that game.
10. Drinking along at a bar is not bad. Actually kind of theraputic.
11. Board chicks are nice but our board guy was 100% missed.
12. Chrissy is the king of deep fried turkey! Kid does about 7 a year.
13. CVG always looking for someone to go to the casino with.
14. Pretty sure I am gonna cancel my WWE account. Don't think I need it.
15. Man when was the last time you were stung by a bee? Shit still hurts!
16. When life gives you habeneros, jalapenos, thai chilis and hungarian chilis what do you do? Make a spicy relish!
17. Everyone gets caught up from time to time. You just gotta take a step back and breathe.
18. I need a new phone - M9, Galaxy S 6 edge or team Iphone? Any suggestions.

Sorry it is so short but I am trying to play catch up with work stuff.

Monday, August 10, 2015


I mean honestly can this year be flying by any faster? It is more than half over, the summer is slowly starting to wrap up and it seems like the summer traffic is dieing off.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Atlantic City is dirty and I think that is a good thing.
2. Southwest Connecticut has the highest incestual rape rate or something along those lines.
3. Buddakan is fucking legit.
4. As far as drinking, you can pretty much drink your face off and pass out at the bars and they won't bother you.
5. Some people hate Snap Chat others not so much.
6. Is Nickerson back in Hull yet?
7. Man Chrissy was off grid yesterday, pretty sure many people thought he was dead - no creep shots, no snap chats and no texts.
8. Timmy Barrett is headed to the Mets game on August 30th if anyone is interested.
9. Jason Foley killing it in the plumbing game.
10. Every once in a while you stumble upon someone who makes you feel like maybe things in your own life aren't that bad.
11. Part of my plan to revitalize AC:
                                 A. Sports book 
                                 B. Open container law on the board walk
                                 C. Dress codes at outdoor bars after 9:00 pm
                                 D. More police presence in and around the boardwalk area.
                                 E. Beach Chair rentals.
                                 F. Open container law so obviously beer stands along the board walk.
                                G.  More non casino bars.
                                 H. Few more out door bars.

12. Car rides on long road trips can make or break the whole thing. Thank god I had a good one.
13. Adderall is a thing, mofos popping them like Pez.
14. Being nice and friendly doesn't cost a thing.
15. I haven't heard from Bill Smiddy since his big break up, I hope he is doing ok.
16. Sometimes you just need a bro's weekend - full of laughing, drinking, ball busting, relaxing and occasionally blacking out.

I am sure there is a bunch of shit I forgot because I legit lost about 6 hours of time on Saturday night.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Here's some cheaters to look up to, Patriots.

First let me get a little something off my chest. If your going to blog attach a name to it. Rule # 1 of the blog game. Take me for example, CBR, that's the name. I own the love and the hate with it. Whoever this TMX clown is, get a name will you. Doesn't have to be your own. I'm still personally trying to figure out who this Calnan kid is. But Jesus get a name and own it.

Second, it's that time of the year again! When everyone except New Englanders gets giddy for College Footballs return. And with Deflategate dominating the headlines I'd figure I'd try to tie it in to this rant.

So here it is. Alabama is the New England Patriots of College football. Why? Because they're a pack of cheaters (good cheaters) like the Pats.

And while the Pats dabble in deflated footballs, opening stadium doors to effect wind and pumping noise into a listless morgue like stadium. Good ole Bama does this right in everyone's face with recruiting. Year after year same thing on social media some commit signs with Bama within days or hours tweeting pics of some ridiculous gift. Grew up in destitute southern poverty? Here have a car compliments of Nick Saban.

Which brings me to the next similarity. Ever think you could think of a more pompous arrogant duche then Bellichick? Well I got news for you his name is Nick Saban toss in egomaniacal and their the same person. Both geniuses and winners but Jesus awful people. Jerks to nearly everyone. However, Saban has the distinction of being run out of the NFL for being too crazy towards players.

So how does this mesh with Deflategate you ask? Well when's the last time you've seen Alabama caught for anything in recent years? Cheating, NCAA violations, players smoking PCP and murdering? The answer is you haven't. Why? Because their good. Much like the Pats, they have been wildly successful, command a huge market share and are at the forefront of any CFB discussion.

So to Bellichick. Perhaps it's time to call up your old friend Nick Saban. Same Saban you got the ineligible receiver scheme from, yea know the one Saban uses but moron Pats fans credit to you. And ask him how do I cheat better????

Shout out to Chrissy prob the only Drunknothings reader who follows college.

Monday, August 3, 2015

Triple lock don't smoke the rock first round mock...

Tmx shaking off the cobwebs and back with the annual TMX triple lock don't smoke the rock first round mock. TMX will go into each teams war room (legally for the most part) and find out who the teams are picking!! Its almost draft time and right now every team is in first and completely believe that "this is the year". TMX has spent the summer scouting and talking to all the owners and now here's what all that research brings us!! Here we go!!

 First pick this year (well most every year) is DMC. DMC has been tossing and turning all off season with who they are going with but at the end of the day angry AP is not to be joke with. ADRIAN PETERSON IS FIRST OFF THE BOARD.

Second pick this year is BLACK DYNOMITE. BD had a wagon last year with his extra draft picks this year no such luxury so he will have to take the best back available. JAMAL CHARLES (the self proclaimed LeBron james of his position) IS THE SECOND PICK.

The third pick of the draft goes to BEACHBUMS. Beachbums in unfamiliar territory this high up the board. TMX had a hard time going through all the mock drafts and scouting reports in this war room. Always the  confident risk taker Beachbums disregards the suspension and takes explosive LE'VEON BELL. Side note Bell just became player most likely to be traded by the BEACHBUMS.

Fourth Pick this year is SUPAH P'S. Full disclosure TMX was never able to find SUPAH P'S war room. We searched and concluded either one doesn't exist or it's prolly in TMX best interest to not find it!! We did reach out to a deep source and got the pick. EDDIE LACY is the pick.

The fifth pick this year goes to last years winners SLIPPERY WIZARDS. Biggest no brainer of the draft. MARSHAWN LYNCH is the pick. Slippery Wizards always take an rb and this is their type of guy. Done and done.

Sixth pick this year is CREEPSHOTS, no relation to the former JERKSHOTS. Creepshots like his ever changing name is always a wild card so this is where the draft takes a sudden turn. ROB GRONKOWSKI is the choice. His type of player and sitting in the bottom half no chance he's there on the way back. TMX cleared away the empties and saw the draft board littered with rbs and wrs and in a small corner GRONKOWSKI with a heart around it. Investigative reporting indeed.

Seventh pick this year is FYW. Always steady FYW didn't have much in his war room when we went in there. Talked a lot about loans and I owe you's but said he wants a steady pass catching rb. MATT FORTE is the pick here.

The eigth pick this year belongs to GRAHAMATRON. both Graham and Megatron available but that's not the pick. Grahamatron per usual goes off the board and takes then immediately TRADES ANDREW LUCK.

The ninth pick in the draft goes to the JACKALS. Jackals war room was taken over by  kids and excess plumbing parts so he rolls with last years pick ANTONIO BROWN.

The final pick goes to new team VOODOO. Ton of choices here and the trading Nazi could be picking here for a later trade probably with DMC. Voodoo goes DEZ BRYANT knowing he's broke he gives him first round money then takes best rb available at 11, so welcome back Demarco Murray!

There it is the entire first round TMX mocked to probable perfection. Ok ok ok TMX was out on an island all summer drinking from drinks in coconuts and actually hasn't started going to war rooms but is contractually obligated to roll out a mock by drunknothings so there it is!! TMX out..................til the season starts.

Ok Ok Ok

It is kind of shitty when you don't know what day of the week is or when to eat because your schedule is all out of whack.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. I guess Salsas in Hingham is closed for good. SUCK IT SAUSAGE GUY!
2. Over/Under on the number of Tuna fish that Gunnah catches the rest of the season is currently 2. Place your bets accordingly.
3. Due to the Cambridge cab companies strike, you will find Chrissy touring Cambridge and Ubering the shit out of it.
4. Speaking of Chrissy he is still planning a trip to North Carolina to meet up with Flounder. Let him know if you are in.
5. The Welches (or is the Welchies?) are now officially residents of Braintree.
6. Calnan (Chief Blog Ruinner to you guys) thinks he can beat Ronda Rousey is a legit fight. Repeated punches to the face is his plan.
7. Frank finally sold his 27 foot boat...for $10,000.
8. Jeffrey is back from Lake Winnapasaukee and may be detoxing...HARDCORE!
9. The summer is more than half over and that kind of makes me sad.
10. Who is geared up for fantasy football? Should I do the suicide pool again this year?
11. Is there anything worse than waking up with a headache?
12. Mitchell is waiting on selling her Pats tickets based on Bradys appeal. She can't miss the flag dropping ceremony.
13. Heard a bunch of guys are headed out to Cowboys stadium this year for the Pats game.
14. When your youngest brother turns 30, you know you are old.
15. Who schedules a 90 year olds birthday party on same day as a fantasy football draft? Especially when asked months ago if I was available on August 22nd?
16. It is official Jeffrey is out for Atlantic City.
17. Chrissy is getting his tattoo this Thursday if anyone is interested in going to hang out and get wings at Ember.
18. I don't know if this is the 3rd Thursday or not but I think Trivia is on this week.

Thats all I got for now. Hopefully, we all make it back from AC alive.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Quick! Freak Out! A Girl is Coaching Football

Yawn. Does anyone really think this Jen Welter coaching MEN's football is a big deal???

It's 2015. It was bound to happen. I'm not even being the least bit sexist here. But what is the big deal.

Let's put things in perspective. We've already had our first openly Gay player. Olympic Hero Bruce Jenner is now a woman and TLC continues its non stop train of Litttle Person TV.

So how is some women coaching football gonna do it for me? How am I suppose to see the buzz in that? So vanilla. I mean is there something special about her? Like shes an ex hip hop artist or she's half shark?

Because if she's a competent professional with the resume for the job then get out of my face with that. I turn to the NFL for catchy headlines and interesting storylines not to watch a bunch of competent people advance their careers.

So until you gain some superpower or come out making ridiculous statement after ridiculous statement. I'm sorry I just don't find it interesting.  Do you girl but, gonna have to step it up if you wanna make it somewhere in the NFL (suggestion: don't see many female shark attack survivors coaching ;))

PS Goddell try harder, gonna take a lot more then this to try to smooth the whole hitting women constantly problem over.

Game Time......

In a little more then a week it's war time.

War with that little city that never sleeps by the sea, Atlantic City. All of America's vices jammed into a little sliver by the sea. Booze, Gambling, Skeeball, Unchaste Women and Funnel Cake.

I've spent the last month training, the hardest I've ever. Bench. Squat. Cleans. Sprints and Yoga. I haven't touched a carb in weeks. All so I'm not victimized by Atlantic City.

So let's go over my predictions for the Drunknothings crew.

1.) CBR is victimized by Atlantic City.

It's not a matter of if I'll be victimized, but a matter of when and how. If you haven't caught on I'm kind of a scumbag at times. I've also been wildly successful at escaping AC in the black. Add in I haven't drank in 5 months and this has all the trappings of a disaster.

Needless to say I'm sure you'll all be ecstatic when you read the following Monday I was found pants less in a pool area.

2.) Derek wins money

You heard it here. Derek will win money. Nothing crazy but just enough that it's viewed as a win. And you know why? Because that's how life works. Derek has a ball. CBR loses his wallet and ends up in a sand dune being licked by feral cats.

3.) CBR gets into an argument with the Hotel Staff.

Look this is America. As such there is no excuse for crappy service. My first move in any hotel is scan for deficiencies. Why? Because you pocket them for future use. Example.

Hotel Staff: "Sir are you just wearing a towel? Your in a common area."

CBR: "Well queen of England, I'm between outfits right now, bold statement from someone with inadequate shading in their rooms"

Hotel Staff : " good point here's a voucher for lobster"

And scene. Either that or I end up in a fruitless petty argument over a stain in the room. Jumpball really.

4.) Derek flips out over encountering a little person.

Notice I didn't use that hate filled word Derek loves to use. Not much here other then Derek ruining some persons vacation because he can't grow up. Following them around screaming "awesome". Childish really.

****Note: Ya it's Marios Bachelor Party and this trip is all about him. But if you think for two seconds it doesn't mean Me or Derek atlesst hijack 20 or 30 minutes you don't know anything.  Price you pay partying with such dynamic personalities

Monday, July 27, 2015

Lets get this shit done

Fuck you
Fuck you
Fuck you
You're cool
Fuck you!

Now that we have gotten that out of the way ( I know at least one of you read that and was like I am the cool one I know it).

This is what I learned this weekend:

1. Gunnah just killing the fishing game right now:

2. Who knew Eric "Chief Dude" Kjersgard was a huge Ed Head, you know Ed Sheeran fan.
3. CVG loves and lives for Jeffreys Snap chats.
4. Chrissy still killing the Uber game. Kids back in the saddle.
5. Mario is on fire with his scratch ticket game - $600!
6. Guys, if you see Smiddy buy him a beer. The kid is going through a break up. He may be moving out to San Diego.
7. Who is in charge of planning Nickersons coming home party? The Red Parrot on Sunday?
8. I had no idea Kevin Romine's son plays for the Tigers, hell I didn't even know he plays in the MLB.
9. If you have nothing to do this week Jeffreys and Sarah are up at Lake Winnapasauke.
10. Man how can Hulk Hogan be a Real American using the N word like that? And has "Easy Hulk Hogan" ever been used faster when someone says anything slightly racial? Legit I think it took all of 5 minutes from his firing before I heard someone say it.
11. If anyone is around next Thursday, Chrissy is headed down to Hyannis to get his other daughters name tattoo'd on his other arm. Then he is going to Ember in Harwich Port for pizza and wings. If you are down let him know.
12. Do you think Mario is nervous? The wedding of the year is only 33 days away.
13. Calnan refuses to give Guy Fieri a single cent of his hard earn cash. So that place is out for the bachelor party.
14. Speaking of bachelor parties - Jeffrey was 80% in and now I am hearing he may be bailing.
15. Trying to get into the 40/40 club is hard - you know 40 hours of regular pay and 40 hours of overtime in the same week. I have 40/40 from Sunday to Saturday this week but its technically 2 separate work weeks so WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP.
16. Mike Foley thinks he lives in the Melrose Place of North Carolina. Kids always golfing, happy hour-ing or at the pool.
17. Big week for the Welches - closing on their house Friday!
18. When the fuck did 1st generation Broncos get so expensive?
19. What? Yeah I have been working so much that my tan is starting to fade!
20. Why yes either the water pump on my truck went or I blew a head gasket, either way it ain't cheap.

Lets see how I am doing on Sunday but right now it is looking like a beach day...

Friday, July 24, 2015

Orgies still a thing.......

I could easily turn this into a Chip Kelly was right rant. That Lesean McCoy is an awful person, literally a fumble machine and barren waste land of sexual perversion. And it takes a leader of men like Chip to take out trash like Shady McCoy.

Instead I pose a question. Orgies are still a thing?

And if they are why in the name of God do you use Instagram to recruit for it? I mean there has to be an orgy app by now.  I cannot possibly be the first person to be wondering this. Even if it's just an option on an existing app. For example has to have an orgy option right. Like relationships aren't for everyone. There's probably a few people out there who treat themselves to the occasional Roman orgy. Where's Tinder on this one? Like seriously your supposedly hookup central and your group sex division is so asleep at the fucking wheel, Lesean McCoy has to risk everything just to get enough bodies for an orgy.

It's 2015 and we have professional athletes risking there careers trying to recruit for orgies on Instagram. All because lazy ass Silicon Valley can't throw on an extra pot of coffee and finally hammer out a decent group sex app. It's sad. Can't be that hard. I think the bigger story other then horrible person of the year candidate Lesean McCoy is out throwing Instagram orgies is America's innovation is falling the wayside.

* I'm pretty sure by writing this blog I pretty much kind of sort of have a patent on an orgy app. So if anyone with any computer savvy is reading this (your not) prepared to get sued into the ground if you make one

** I would name the app Pile. Think about it? Pile. Practically bleeds sex. " dude I went to this crazy fuckfest last night I found on Pile"

*** lock of the year King Scum Rex Ryan was at least attending this event had the Internet not ruined it. Probably not participating. Just watching though. Seems like his thing. Just watching

CBR = Mr Worldwide

Now I know you morons are really, really, like really touchy about too many posts (perfection is one post a week of vague comments). So I've decided to streamline CBR hate. Get at me on Twitter @CBRdrunknothing. Ya I know it's missing an S but, there's a 15 character limit. Looking forward to all your well thought out comments with the spelling of a 4th Grader.

Also if your initials are CVG, just block me now. Not really looking forward to the whole drama filled ordeal you'll make this.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Derek the Caveman

In this edition of rebuttal to what Derek learned this weekend:

Is there anything worse then ripping your favorite boxer shorts?

Ah yes Derek actually wearing boxer shorts you Neanderthal.

It's 2015 and your going around wearing boxer shorts? Earth to Derek, nobody wears them anymore other then A.) Psychos and B.) Hipsters just to be different.

Look I'm not saying they don't have a time and a place. They do and it's called Puberty. Ya know that weird time when your all tingly getting boners all the time.

But a man in his 30s? Jesus, you think Mark Wahlberg killed all those terrorists so you can parade around as a grown man in boxer shorts? No. Grow up Derek. 

It's boxer briefs or go home. As an ADULT I value comfort and value playing it tight. All things boxer briefs provide. If you wanna go airing out like some middle schooler have at it. But for us who don't live in the woods, a fresh pair of boxer briefs is second to none in comfort.

Clean it up Derek 

Monday, July 20, 2015

Chip Doesn't Care What You Think....

Alright, let's deal with the 500lb Elephant in the Room.

The Eagles are probably winning the Super Bowl if not atleast taking the NFC.

And it has completely everything to do with Chip Kelly. You know that guy Pats Fans love to hate? Which is funny considering his closeness with Belichick.

You know that guy that brought spread into the NFL and made it work. You know the coach that belts plays out at break neck speed. Whose play calling system is the most mimicked across all levels of the sport.

I've been Team Chip since his UNH days in the early 2000s as an OC. And since then one thing he has always been is exciting. And that's why I don't get the Chip Kelly hate. Does he do things differently? Absolutely.  But a few years ago if you said to any NFL fan "Hey the Eagles are going to start cranking out plays in 20 seconds or less in a college esque spread offense AND it's going to work".  They'd reply "your crazy man". And that right there is what makes Chip so dam interesting the fact that hes always trying things differently.

In the mid 2000's when it first came out Chip blares music at practices to emulate crowd noise and to get played to focus on non verbal communication. Everyone called him a weirdo. Now, EVERYONE does it. NFL practices shorter because guess what Chip runs shorter practices.

Has he won a super bowl? No. Will he? No clue. But Chip has already changed the game. Any surprise he's now tanked the 3rd most influential person in the NFL (sports illustrated)? Not really if you consider one fact that all the Kelly haters refuse to deal with. Chip Kelly ISNT afraid to fail and further doesn't care what you think.

Let that marinate. Chip basically gutted the Eagles this offseason (goodbye Maclin, Mathis and Shady) and before that didn't even blink when Confirmed (sorta) Gang Member Desean Jackson began running his mouth. He's signed Tebow, Bradford and Kiko Alonso. All potentially dangerous moves. And you know what he just doesn't care what you think. Chip is gonna do what Chip wants to create a culture he wants.

So if you like football. Ya know the game? Not just the winning and hats and duck boats. I'd keep an eye on them birds because they are doing something.

PS: Belichick is gonna retire maybe not next season but when he does id bet the house Chip Kelly is the next coach. Football guy from NH with the Kraft hooks already in him. Name a better storyline? 

PPS: if your not fascinated/ borderline aroused by Tebow potentially playing again in the NFL in a run friendly offense. Then you don't have a pulse.

Better Late than never

Ok boys and girls, I am sorry that it is so late in the day but work is busy as fuck - 93 degrees and 72 % humidity will do that.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Heard the Foo Fighters show was awesome and one of the best shows ever.
2. Family drama is for the birds.
3. Eddie Regan got a clean bill of health and is currently cancer free.
4. Mario is huge into getting pedicures but don't insist on a manicure.
5. This golf course in Scotland is something nice!
6. I heard that Hi-Fi Pizza is no more.
7. Chrissy is having swimming lessons down in Pembroke.
8. Speaking of Chrissy he knows lots of stuff about french chemists...not really sure why but yeah its his thing.
9. Is there anything worse than ripping your favorite boxer shorts.
10. Jeffrey may be giving up his Wednesday golf league and just go out every week golfing. He is looking for some mofo's.
11. Is Donald Trump helping himself or hurting himself with his views?
12. Calnan has a fan in one Julie Nickerson, so there is that.
13. If you only buy a 12 pack of beers because you want to not get too drunk but they are 16 oz, is that ok?
14.  Seems like everyone is off the Red Sox again this week.
15. Some blue cheeses are just straight up nasty (don't even get me started with the dressings).
16. Of course I saw Ant Man the day it came out. Funny fucking movie man.

Ok I gotta jet!

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Fat People are Sad People......

Well yesterday was a tough day. After getting up early and getting a ridiculously good trail run in followed by 45 mins of yoga, I prepared myself a chai tea and sat down to read Derek's Weekly Rambling of all things Whitley.

And low and behold, YOU PEOPLE HATE ME!!!!!

And I love it.

and the fact you people text Derek about is the cherry on top. And I get it. I really do. Your use to Derek's everything's just sunshine posts. A review of a burrito and maybe some mention of some inside joke, you know something that maybe puts a smile on your face as you wait for your 4 pop tarts to pop out of the toaster. And you know what I would expect no different from the biggest pack of beta males ever assembled.

But alas here's the rub. You people are falling for my crap hook line and sinker. It's almost like you want me inside your heads.

It's a pretty simple formula to get you guys going, let's take a look.

1.) Attack Derek.  Funny, Pleasant and "Down for Whatever". He's everyone friend. So when I grab the ole hammer and go right for him, it bothers you.

2.) Attack the South Shore. Simple play here. Most of you are from the South Shore. So of course when I attack your village, your going to flip.

3.) Attack your Body Image. It's fucking America, everyone's fat. Odds are at the very least your insecure about that few extra pounds. Calling you fat is gonna enrage you.

4.) Attack Boston Sports. Here's where stuff gets truly sad. A lot of you have attached your self worth to Boston Sports. When I start slamming Patriots nation, it's the equivalent of me calling you worthless.

5.) Attack Your Drinking Habits. Everyone struggles with maybe I have a few too many so when I come out and make a whole bunch of pretentious sober life comments, it eats at you.

And Finally....ACT ELITIST.

This is Boston. What does the average Bostonian hate? Someone who thinks/knows their better then you.

So there you have it. A basic blueprint of how I piss you off. Do with this what you can. But realize this when you let loose hate in the comments for me it's magical for me. it invigorates me. It's like Christmas Day and I just got a N64 AND a puppy. So how do you stop me? You don't. You sit there, grab another beer and read it.YOU READ IT BECAUSE I TOLD YOU SO

Monday, July 13, 2015

Ahhh shit!!!!

Obviously the kid is back!!

This is what I learned while I was away:
1. People really hate Calnan's posts. So much so that I get more texts about his negativity and his attitude than I do about my lack of posts. (How could you hate this face?)

2. Congrats to the Phelps clan on the addition of a healthy baby boy!
3. I hope that you all wished CVG a happy birthday yesterday.
4. Nothing quite like your brother smoking cigars, drinking and loving life in the hot tub.

5. July 3rd, 4th and 5th where like a whirl wind and kind of all blend together.
6. Tried my first oyster ever and let me tell ya, not that bad.
7. I think that the Cape is
8. Nothing is worse than fucking heartburn.
9. Does it make you old when you are drinking with you co workers kids?
10. Best 3 burgers I had on the cape:
      1. The Knack
      2. The Red Nun
      3. The Black Sheep Bah and Grill
11. Nothing quite like your pay check being wrong in back to back weeks...whomp whomp whomp.
12. My battery on my phone lasts at the most 5 hours before it is dead, part of the blame lies in all these god damn group texts.
13. Is there anything worse than waking up on a Monday and knowing you have to do something every single day?
14. It is totally normal for someone to ask you to have a party at your house, correct?
15. Jason Foley is looking to get rid of his pool table of you guys know anyone?
16. How do people live without any live television? I mean you can only watch Netflix, Hulu and shit on your Rokku for so long.
17. I hate traffic more than anything else in the world. Like it infuriates me to no end.
18. Mario Longs bachelor party is August 7-9th. If you are interested in going let me know via the text or email.
19. BBQ's without sides are just not the same.
20. I see people are talking about the Red Sox again, only 6 1/2 back.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Things I learned this weekend......

Well everyone's favorite happy go lucky blogger is away (again).... So that means no whine time with Unky D. So looks like your stuck with me CBR. (PS if anyone reading this is around Derek can you ask him maybe to fix this font problem???  This red font is pretty Gothy)

Here's what I learned this weekend.

1.)  You people are fat.

That is all. I can't wrap my head around what you people even consider healthy. This whole blog actually encapsulates what's wrong with America and why we aren't #1 in anything anymore besides pie eating and beer drinking. Look at yourselves I mean do you even try anymore?  When's the last time Derek ever announced to the world one of you did anything even remotely athletic?

Always the same.

(Blank) won a nacho eating competition.....

(Blank) managed to eat 8 baskets of tater tots.....

Or even my personal favorite. Giving you people reviews of places so you can load the family up in the minivan and go jam your arteries together....

(Blank) has some serious burritos

(Blank) in Quincy has hamburgers the size of a dinner plate with all you can eat cheese fries.....

Mouth watering yet? I bet it is.....  fatty.

Let's just go over some nutritional basics together shall we.

1.) Carbs are the Devil.

You heard me. That bagel in the morning you so crave is killing you and making you fat. You might as well go eat a stick of butter which shockingly maybe healthier for you then a bagel or a bowl of cereal.

2.) Breakfast is an Evolutionarily Useless meal.

Remember when your mother told you breakfast is the most important meal of the day as she shoveled pancakes down your throat? Well she was full of it and wanted you fat. Think about this for a second. Do you think our ancestors arose in the morning and had food laying around? No they didn't. So why 40000 years later do you think your different? Your not. Your just emotionally and physically weak and can't tolerate a little tummy rumble.

3.) Try to lump all your calories together at once.......

But CBR my trainer told me I need to stoke my metabolism and eat 6 small meals a day!!!! I got news for you. Your trainer is full of more crap then your mother. Where as your mother wanted you fat to slow you down, your trainer wants you fat so he can drain you of all your money.

Think 40000 years ago our ancestors cut the mammoth up and put him into Tupperware to much on through out the day? No, they gorged closer to the end of the day and then got away from the kill site!!!!!!!!

Don't even know why I bother with you people. You'll probably just switch to Bud Select 55s this weekend as you shovel bacon down your gullets and call that dieting.

(Do I make a good heel or what? Think this came natural? No big ups to the Umass Boston Theater group)

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

I gotz Olympic fever!

I’m not saying your are a bunch of uncultured slobs, I’m telling you
that you, the average Bostonian is an uncultured slob.
Look I’m wrong about a lot. But if you can sit there and tell me “We
don’t need no Olympics”, then your either a crazy person or just
ignorant Smiddy.
Think about this for a second. Does the world care that the Pats
cheated their way to another Superbowl ?  No they don’t. You think
China is in awe of the Bruins 2011 Stanley Cup? No they’re not. You
think Brazil gives a rat’s ass about the 2004 World Series win. No the
answer is freaking NO.
So why is it then everyone is objecting to the Olympics? What the
traffic? Traffic already sucks bro. Blame it on those carpet bagging
South Shorians who clog up our roads everyday coming to civilization
so they can make money for Keno, Xanax and Coors Light. Solution?
Just tell them to stay home! The average South Shore resident looks
for every excuse to not work anyway. I’m sure if you shoot the City of
Quincy an email to stay home they will.
Next, Oh what the T can’t handle it? Well since the entire South Shore
will be at home guess they’ll be nobody to run it. We all know the
collapse of the T is due in part to their corporate structure being
infiltrated by residents of Quincy, Braintree, Randolph and worst of
all Brockton. So with them out of the equation, PRESTO we will get
some people in there who want to work rather then slack off an ogle
attractive cousins all day on Facebook.
“But we can’t have tax money pay for any of it!!!!!!!” Look we waste
tax money everyday. When the average South Shore resident goes to
Market Basket to stock up this weekend for the Big BBQ. Guess whose
footing the bill? Heres a clue rhymes with US. When we commission
studies on childhood obesity, saving lazy whales or any other useless
cause who’s forking the bill. We are. So what’s a few less dollars for
the Atlantic Right Whale? Anyone going to loose sleep because we spent
it on turning Southie into a giant paving lot?
We have an opportunity to be the showcase of the world but, because
you plebeians don’t want to be incoveniced in the slightest I need to
constantly hear of all the ills the Olympics will bring. Give it a
rest.  Maybe just maybe if we all stop focusing on youth hockey and
football cheating the rest of the world will teach us something

Sorry Not Sorry

I am not going to apologize for being on vacation. I am not going to apologize for not blogging. I do not know how many times I have to say this but when I am on vacation I am not going to use a computer. I mean were you not entertained by Paddy "Chief Blog Ruinner" Calnan's  rants?

This is what I learned while being away.
1. We raised $740 for Dana Farber Cancer institute. I have 38 shirts left if anyone wants a second or just wants to contribute.
2. The Stars golf tournament is where it is at - breakfast, golf, lunch at Toscas, prizes and drinks at Stars. Well done.
3. When does Calnan do his pro Olympics to Boston campaign?
4. I got caught up so I didn't make it to the Chipman Family pig roast but I heard they raised $7,000 for his moms scholarship with over 250 people showing up. Kudos Jebby and the whole Chipman clan!
5. Welchie is working on purchasing a place in Braintree.
6. What the fuck Bruins? These moves are all garbage!
7. What the shit Celtics? Do we need another fucking guard?
8. Has anyone heard from Hong Kong Dave? I mean doesn't him and his wife usually visit in the summer?
9. Sometimes a vacation means staying home and doing (finishing) projects.
10. Random Thursday bar hopping with Chrissy is highly recommended.
11. Have you had the chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches from Trader Joe's? Fucking get on that!
12. Lauren Brady kind of (REALLY REALLY) hates animals. She don't care for your fucking pets bro! Fuck your cats, fuck your dogs, fuck your turtles, fuck your fish and fuck your baby porcupines.
13. Maybe it is just because you get used to it but after people shave their mustaches off they look weird - Chrissy, Mario and Jeffrey I am looking at you.
14. Always good to see Timmy Barrett, who is more than half way done with the police academy.
15. Jeffrey has a man crush on Little Jay.
16. I am officially off the book of face again and probably will never go back ever. 
17. 9th Annual Mustache Pub crawl - Yes or No? Change the month? Change the location?
18. Fucking Mike Foley driving to and from North Carolina so he has his car here is amazing to me!
19. Looks like Mario's bachelor party is coming together. Right now it is Saratoga for a weekend in August. Will probably end up being Hooters and the Golden Banana.
20. Everyone knows that they light bon fires on the beach in Quincy on July 3rd, well guess who lives 6 houses from one of those bon fires. THIS GUY! Thats a good reason to have an afternoon cookout, right?
21. Did you know part of the reason Paddy Calnans rants may be so angry is because he is sober as a judge right now as he cuts weight.
22. Snap chat kills my fucking phones battery like a champ.
23. Mikey and Lizzie Layden are having a baby boy, due in late November.
24. Charles V Grillo also does land surveying if you are in need of that. I do not know the price but if you mention drunknothings website he will give you 10% off.

I hope you all have a great and wonderful 4th of July!