Monday, August 22, 2016

It is here

Fantasy football season.
Suicide pools.
Pick em alls.
Soon enough white bitches will be all pumpkin everything!!

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Jason Foley likes to get after it when he is unsupervised.
2. Anything worse than coming home to find a nice pile of dog vomit all over your bed?
3. The people watching at the Marshfield fair is something.
4. Sorry to say that Chrissy did not win his heat at the derby but man he was fucking shit up.
5. Hangover pukes are way better than drunk pukes.
6. Lock it up now, next years ADSL daft is August 26th...time to be determined.
7. If you are looking for a place to rent down the Cape next year, Jason is looking to buy a rental.
8. Do you think you could stay at the fair from noon to 10:30 pm? Chrissy and his kids do it every year.
9. Would you rather have your dream car built or buy one already built?
10. Who the fuck is watching 90 day fiance?
11. How much would it cost for you to get a TB12 tattoo? His actual logo?
12. Jeffrey skipped out on Summer Slam this year. Always his favorite event.
13 If you are looking for one of these...its in Braintree on someones lawn.

14. Nothing could be more annoying than 3 children screaming "Better left unread, than Dead", anytime you check your phone in the car.
15. Honestly why can't they make a pair of socks that always feel like the first time you put em on?
16. The start of the draft:

The end of the draft but well before bar hopping:

17. Mike Foley just buzzes around town like a social drinking butterfly.
18. Anyone up for a beach day this Saturday? I heard it is gonna be 82 and sunny...HMU!!
19. Chrissy is back on nights so the day drinking starts again.
20. Chris Leaden is looking for donations so he can take batting practice of Rocket Roger Clemens, so far he is up to $117.89. Every bit helps.

Monday, August 15, 2016

Lets do this

Man, August is half over so that means that summer is 3/4th the way done. That makes me sad.

This is what I learned:
1. Chrissy bought him self a tank for the derby:

2. So Chrissy has the beast entered this Friday night at the demolition derby at the Marshfield fair. 
It kicks off at 7:00 so come on down and support him. Willie, i'll be there at 6:30.
3. Calnan was right the CWC on the WWE network is pretty fucking awesome.
4. Comellas has some pretty awesome chicken parm.
5. The Harpoon Razz is my everything right now. It taste like a raspberry lime rickey beer.
6. Why don't they make a sun screen that doesn't burn the hell out of your eyes when you sweat/wim?
7. In Maine their idea of air conditioning is to open a window.
8. Pretty sure that I would be a full blown insomniac if I worked the over night shift on the regular.
9. Im surprised that people still play roller hockey, hell I am more surprised they still sell inline skates.
10. I heard a rumor that they are remaking Scarface, needless to say this upset me.
11. If you are a fan of brunch, Ashmont Grill is where it is at.
12. Chrissy is excited for the Alumni cafe opening in Weymouth this month.
13. How is this a thing that I have never had? I got my head on a swivel and can not find them.
14. Since we are speaking on candy, I had no idea so many people were in love with Snickers. I just want to clear the air, I like Snickers they just are not on my top 10 list is all.
15. What are the odds that Tom Kelly shows on Friday night at the Fair?
16. Is it just me or are they putting less cereal in the boxes?

Ok gotta run and enjoy this 92 degree day.
Don't forget the ADSL fantasy draft is this Saturday and JASON FOLEY IS WEARING A DRESS. STOP ON BY.

Monday, August 8, 2016

Blah Blah Blah

That is how I feel today. Just blah, blah, blah, blah, BLAH!

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. I will keep seeing Pearl Jam forever.
2. Nothing wrong with getting wasted and having a good time, everything wrong with having to baby sit a grown adult.
3. Always a good impression if the new neighbors see you drinking at 10:30 am on your deck.
4. Who knew they actually make a pruning blade for your sawzall.
5. Trying to find a quality vintage car is hard.
6. I liked Suicide Squad but I can see how people didn't like how they just jumped into the middle of the story.
7. Is anyone actually watching the Olympics? Does anyone care?
8. It is 2016 how the fuck does the mall open at 11 am? I mean what in the actual fuck.
9. Now that we all know where we are picking in the fantasy draft...let the mock drafts begin.
10. If they have a preason football game and cancel it does anyone even care?
11. Is there anything worse than your eye ball twitching at work.
12. Telling Uber drivers random made up bullshit stories is even more fun than actual taxi car drivers.
13. Is anyone up for a weekend afternoon of golfing (at least 9 hole) and bar hopping? Chris Leaden is looking to make it happen and I am looking to assist him.
14.  Chrissy giving me shit for things that I forgot or don't put on the blog is crazy.
15. Julie Nickerson was spotted and seems to be back in the swing of things.
16. If you like BBQ and are around the Fenway area stop by Sweet Cheeks Q, you will not be disappointed.
17. Brady is always on the go, last weekend killing it on cape, where she apparently found the only straight guy hanging out in Provincetown.
18. Calnan will get a unicorn and kitten tattoo if someone pays for it and he gets $1500. Is anyone interested in donating so I can get this done?
19. Pretty sure no one want to fuck you at the concert, 100000% sure.
20. Cucumber (puke)  vodka is all the rage right now.
21. These new alcohol sparkling seltzers are the new Zima, from what I am being told by my peeps.
22. If you had to pick only 1 sport to follow for the rest of your life what would you chose? Baseball, basketball, football or hockey? I am on the fence between football and hockey.

Peace and have a great week.

Monday, August 1, 2016

Summers half over

Holy shit it is already August 1st and that means the summer is half over.  Only half the beach days left for the year. Still waiting to hear who is having a Labor day cookout.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Jason Bourne was a pretty good movie, Matt Damon still has it.
2. Nintendo is coming out with a retro console in November and now Sega is too.
3. Other than a few random tweets has anyone heard from Christian Daniel Macphail?
4. Why is lunch at a bar alone frowned upon? I actually kind of like it.
5. Anyone happen to have a chainsaw I can borrow?
6. I don't know if Calnan is excited for fantasy football or more excited to bust peoples balls.
7. Is anyone else going to Pearl Jam on Friday?
8.  I am finally all caught up on Preacher, man that show is messed up.
9. My car is almost paid off so I am looking for a new car, any suggestions.
10. I am a firm believer in paying it forward.
11. People still go to Canobie Lake?
12. If you go to the movies and don't get popcorn, did you really go to the movies?
13. I am still in need of a stone paver patio to be put in, do you know anyone?
14. Its heritage days down in Scituate this weekend. Heard they have an inflatable bar, who is going?
15. If you think adulting is hard try half adulting.
16. I love how everyone is a football expert now with Patriots training camp in full swing.

Ok sorry but I gotta run.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

It happens

Sorry that I haven't posted. I have just been caught up and on the go since Sunday.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Everyone makes mistakes. You have to deal with it and move on. You either learn from it or you are bound to repeat it.
2. Sometimes a plate of bacon is an appropriate dinner, when you are an adult.
3. I always laugh at people who wear socks and sneakers to the beach.
4. Speaking of the beach, I get how Martell stays there for 12 hours a day.
5. What is your least favorite chore? I say doing the dishes.
6. I obsess over the littlest things and I am working on it.
7. Do people who can't cook get mad when they see kids on Chopped whipping up crazy things with crappy ingredients.
8. Is anyone else going to Pearl Jam next Friday?
9. We all have friends that make us smile no matter what the situation is.
10. Seeing TK in Hull was like seeing a fish out of water.
11. What would you do if you won the Powerball? I decided I would have a pool filled with Reeses Pieces and swim around that bitch like Scrooge Mcduck.
12. How long could you go without shaving? I think 5 months is the longest I have ever gone.
13. It make me laugh that everyone has an opinion of my haircut - good or bad there is no in between.
14. I have heard of a cleaning the fridge party, where you just drink all the random beers you have accumulated but a cooler cleaning party?  Well that happens too.
15. How do you get a warrant for an outstanding excise tax? Like you cant pay a $85 bill?
16. Four year olds are chatty and also like sponges. They take in everything.
17. Is anyone else watching Preacher? Or is it just Rio and I?
18. Is there anything worse than stubbing your baby toe?

Monday, July 18, 2016

I survived

It was 50/50 if I was going to survive a week down the Cape. If anyone happened to follow Jeffrey's snap chat story you know what I am talking about if not then maybe you should get on that.

This is what I learned while on vacation:
1. Who hates on Smartfood? I mean honestly?
2. How does one hurt themselves jogging?
3. So far I have stayed in Orleans, Brewster and now Harwich. It is difficult tryinhg to find where you'd like to vacation every year.
4. Has anyone actually used one of those bagsters?
5. For the first time in 6 years, my flood insurance did not go up this year.
6. Is Julie Nickerson alive? Haven't heard from her in months.
7. Charles V. Grillo is in a relationship (Pretty sure it is FB verified).
8. Speaking of Grillo he is at the Republican National Convention because why wouldn't he?
9. Never give a 3 year old hot buffalo wing sauce on celery - life lessons.
10. Always dump out your mixed drinks when you leave for the day.
11. The older you get the more you realize whayt matters.
12. Jeffrey past 9 and went to 12...#Jeffreyon12 was trending for 6 minutes on Twitter.
13. Hong Kong Dave is fixing up his row house in Baltimore for his inevitable move back to Mass. If you know anyone looking in Ravens country.
14. Jason Foley is looking for a place up on Lake Winnesasauke if you know if anything out there.
15. I only had 3 texts about why haven't I posted a new blog steps.
16. I have been to the beach many times in my life but never have I had sand blowing into my mouth while I ate a sandwich, until this past week.
17. No one vacations like Lauren Brady - Pembroke, Cape Cod, Worchester, Rockland, Plymouth and Holden all crammed into 1 week of living.
18. I may have someone on the hook to get a tattoo of Derek riding a donkey.
19. You ever meet someone new who opens their mouth to speak and then just think to yourself  "What a fucking dickhead".
20. I may be looking for a new 10th for the ADSL fantasy league. If you are interested HMU.

Friday, July 8, 2016

Friday forward

Okay okay some of you are not happy with an old re-post from 2011. I get it, maybe you have read it before or maybe you just don't find it as funny as I do. I am more than willing and capable to write up something (probably non witty and mostly random but hey its Friday).

Here are some random Friday ramblings:
1. How many coffees in one day is too many coffees?
2. Would you rather be on a beach some where or up in a cabin on a lake?
3. More and more older people are getting into Snap chat.
4. We all have that one friend who gets drunk and repeats the same 6 things when they are wasted. If you don't then it may be you.
5. Random Thursday drinking nights are always welcomed in my world.
6. What are your feelings on the word "moist"?
7. Do you prefer your beer in a bottle? cans? or an ice cold draft?
8. Someone told me recently they don't have a favorite color or number because they don't believe in that kind of silliness. Uhm, bro its a color or a number not the fucking Easter bunny.
9. They say that parents can never pick their favorite child but can you pick your favorite sibling?
10.  How come the older you get the less sleep you actually get? I mean I am functioning on 4 hours some nights and tops 6 others.
11. Sometimes this is an answer:

12. I heard HBC bank is moving towards finger/thumb prints for your accounts and maybe away from ATM cards.
13. How many actual phone numbers do people know? In this day and age of cell phones,  how many do you actually dial?
14. Jeffrey believes that yoga pants are lies and the only true way to gauge a women's ass is a nice pair of jeans.
15. I have said it before and I will say it till I am blue in the face Buffalo Wild Wings is gaross!
16. If you were purchasing a new car (Or a new to you car) what would you be looking at? And what color?
17. It appears that Chrissy is looking to do a 5K every 3 months. You people better get on this.
18. Marvel is making changes to their comics, Iron man will now be a 15 year old girl.
19. Man I am excited for these great white sharks and the killer whale spotted off the cape.  I would love to see the killer whale more than the sharks but ill take either at this point.
20. I am a firm believer in karma, everything happens for a reason, god has a plan, do unto others as you will have done unto you, hard work pays off, manners matter, treating people with respect, listening to someone vent goes a long way and differing opinions are what make us who we are.

Magic 21

Some of you are aware, I get emails from time to time about blogging. It is usually a website to check out or a new restaurant to try but occasionally I get old school emails to post (you know the ones you used to forward around back in 1999 - I mean #19 talks about waiting by a phone - it is old).

Well, this one is from the time of Sean Riccio and it gets sent to me every year or so. Since I am going on vacation next week it seems like to right time to share it with everyone again. Make sure you read all 21, laugh a little bit and pick out your favorite. (By the way let me know if any actually work).

I laugh every time at #7 and #9. If you guys have anything else you may want me to post send it along.

These magic 21 tricks for pleasing your woman have been passed down for centuries, and each is an old Tibetan teaching I will now share with you.

1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (Or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say you better be. Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for pussies and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words "fuck you" and grab the other girls ass.
Girls love competition.

8. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

9. Warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... Then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

10. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

11. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she's cooking food. knock the food off the table.  I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

12. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

13. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair.
This way shell go crazy.

14. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

15. Titty twisters, and plenty of them.

16. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

17. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

18. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just when ever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.

19. If shes mad at you for not calling her when you say you will promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now shell be really excited. Now don't call. Ever.

20. Next time you are having sex, make sure you get off before she does, then get off her and leave. Girls love that.

21. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016


I hope that everyone had a fun and eventful Fourth of July weekend. I know that I did!

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. The older you get the faster the year flies by.
2. Can't get more American that Budweisers and baseball:

3. When did they start selling cans all over Fenway Park? And when did the beer guys start coming up to the grandstand selling beers?
4. If you are having a cookout a bouncy house and snow cone machine should be somewhere on your list.
5. How drunk must you be to pass out on the couch two nights in a row and not walk up the stairs? Asking for a friend.
6. It is funny how a $3 squirt gun can make a little kids day.
7. Why aren't blackened chicken sandwiches on more menus?
8. Remember when Wimbledon was a thing? There was fanfare.
9. Pretty sure Jeffrey hates my haircut.
10. Korean Beef tacos are my new jam.
11. People are upset that KD picked the Warriors. Get over it, we got Al Horford!
12. If you had to enter a sandwich into a sandwich competition, what would you enter? Any kind of sandwich you want.
13. Why the fuck does Twitter update their Ap every god damn week. Just when I get comfortable with it they update it,.
14. Some people get drunk and chatty, some just clam up.
15. Pretty sure half my life has consisted of this conversation:
"What do you want to eat?"
"I dunno, what do you want to eat?"
"I don't know, what do you feel like"
16.Man mother nature does not want me to have nice grass.
17. Nothing good happens after 2 am!
18. Why do people debate if hot dogs are a sandwich?

Ok gotta jet. Have a great week

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Whats up for the 4th

Yes, I know that yesterday was Monday.
Yes, I know that is when I usually update the blog.
But after returning from vacation and weeding through 417 emails, I forgot about it till noon and then just said fuck it till Tuesday.

This is what I learned while I was away:
1. Sun burns suck, no matter how much sun block you use you still get a burn.
2. Does anyone give a shit about Shark Week anymore?
3. When you cut your hair a different way every one has something to say/an opinion.
4. If you are looking for a fun time: get together with Chrissy and Leaden for 9 holes of golf, lunch and day drinking.


5. Calnan can call me a raving psychopath all he wants but I still don't see his top 10 Candy bar list.
6. Anyone who makes fun of Ray Bourque, is an asshole. Don't act like you have never made a mistake.
7. Congrats to William J. Smiddy who is training for the 2017 Boston Marathon.
8. Whats that old saying - Screw me once shame on you, screw me twice shame on me. What is it if its screw me for a 20th time?
9. Guess possums can never get rabies.
10. The roof deck at Alba is a good time.
11. Did anyone else catch the Michael Jackson's Journey from Motown to Off the Wall?
12. It always makes me laugh/smile when people are so into soccer for big events but shit on the MLS and Premier league.
13. Stamkos to the Bruins or Durant to the Celtics? What seems more likely?
14. Ive been really killing the grapefruit  beers. They just seem very summery.
15. Still cant find anyone to go to Chicago with me on July 23rd weekend.   Ill get the hotel you just gotta fly out there.
16. People have slowly started shuffling off the Red Sox band wagon since June 1st.
17. Is there any show that TLC would not put together and put on? I am waiting for the Calnan and Chrissy show to come out - TV GOLD. ( Also over under on when Alli would leave Chrissy by for being TV famous is 9 months to a year)
18. Speaking of the Macphails good luck on the 5K on Sunday, now you didn't hear this from me but I am hearing people are wagering on who finishes first.
19. How come people aren't more in an uproar about the flooding in West Virginia? Shouldn't we be helping out one and other? Oh if you can not use it to prop up your cause then fuck it?
20. What is your take on the Brexit? Good? Bad? Xenophobia? Patriotic?

Don't forget the Annual Whitley cookout is Sunday, July 3rd, stop by anytime after 1. We will have plenty of food and some beers. Rumor has it there will be a bouncy house and a snow cone machine(not really sure which one is for the kids and for the adults).

Monday, June 20, 2016

Derek is a raving psycopath

he's big, he's burly, he's always down to booze and for a short period titled himself Mr Booze.

but, then again there was always something a little off about him right? Just a little something. Maybe its the always being happy? Love of the hentai genre? The zany facial hair? I don't know myself but this. THIS I KNOW


1. Kit Kat
2. Reeces Peanut Butter cup
3. Mounds/Almond Joy
4. Reeces Pieces
5. Hershey - kisses, mini candy bars or full size bars
6.M & M peanuts
7. Man I loved Whatchamacallits when I was little
8. Twix bars
9. Caramellos
10. 100 Grand bar

Sorry Snickers and Milky Way

What the hell is that? Kit Kat #1 Ya sure Kit Kat is a respectable but, at best is suited for ice cream cumbling

#2 Reeces? First open the Wikipedia its REESES, second its 2016 everyone has peanut butter allegies especially kids. Might as well say I hate kids and steal from collection baskets.

#3 Mounds/Almond Joy, Who in human history has ever uttered the words "Man I could go for an Almond Joy"? Answer: No One

#4 Reeces Pieces, misspelled again. Just double down on the kid hate more bro.

#5 Hershey? Didn't know this was a Candy Company list? And fucking nobody likes Hershey Kisses. Their role is to go square in the center of an oatmeal cookie come Christmas time AND even then that is at best a dessert appetizer

#6 Peanut M&Ms ok I respect this, and is Kid safe because it doesn't contain Peanut Butter

#7 Whatchamacallits, date yourself some more grandpa, I bet you liked them with a nice can of Moxie right before buying some War Bonds and taking the trolley to the pictures

#8 Twix Bar? That's not candy, its a snack food? Whats next Fruit by the Foot or Gushers?

#9 Caremellos? They actually sell those? I thought you could only get them out of church fundraiser candy boxes?

#10 100 Grand Bar? Again, how was the Depression? Was Polio a real concern of yours? Do rowdy teens upset you?

and last but not least sorry Snickers and Milky Way? Might as well say put me on a watch list. What you did was the equivalent of Moses coming down the mountain with Thou Shall Not Kill and Thou shall not steal covered up and saying NBD?

What is that? Any coincidence Derek got into Sausage making recently? Well after this I can tell you conclusively those sausages everyone was raving about contained human flesh.

Have a good vacation Derek. I know your not going anywhere but, I can guarantee readers there is going to be a spike in missing persons and mutilated farm animals

Friday, June 17, 2016

Friday Funday?

I am on vacation next week and that means I won't be blogging, so I decided that I would do a Friday ramblings type post. More so that I won't get any 7:30/8:00 wake up texts asking why there is no blog (Rolling my eyes at you Chrissy and Riccio). Plus most people won't check this thing till Monday anyways so it will be new to them then.

Friday ramblings:
1. Man, Morrissey Blvd has become a NASCAR super speedway between 3-7pm, Monday through Friday.
2. Who is throwing together a Fathers day Brunch for Paddy? He is underway on his adoption process!
3. How can people like coffee but hate iced coffee?
4. Just found out that male menopause exists after you turn 40, right Chiefdude?
5. You would think that thousandaire ideas would be easier to launch.
6. Do you have a top 10 candy bar list? Not fruit type candies like Starbursts, Skittles or Jolly ranchers(Obviously I has them on there). I have recently had this discussion and wanted your lists.
7. Still looking for a 4th for golf on Monday morning, tee time is 10 am at North Hill in Duxbury.
8. We all have a few friends that you have to do a wellness check on from time to time, know what I am saying?
9. Still haven't heard back from anyone in regards to making it to the Chipman Family Pig roast. Looks like a solo outing.

10. It seems like everyone and their mother is writing and publishing children's books
11. There are just some people that just don't get along, like 2 magnets. What can you do?
12. What is your take on bloody Mary's? Yes or no? Morning only? Or anytime?
13. What temperature is the cut off for a beach day - 68 degrees?
14. Is there anything more annoying than the guy who constantly makes plans with you, only to break them when something "better" comes along?

Here is my candy list:
1. Kit Kat
2. Reeces Peanut Butter cup
3. Mounds/Almond Joy
4. Reeces Pieces
5. Hershey - kisses, mini candy bars or full size bars
6.M & M peanuts
7. Man I loved Whatchamacallits when I was little
8. Twix bars
9. Caramellos
10. 100 Grand bar

Sorry Snickers and Milky Way.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Should I adpot a child?

Lets just skip all the jazz here and get into it. I'm 31, and everyone around me is having kids. Now mind you these kids are being created "naturally" but I really think this is a by product of Sox/Patriots system loving. For example how many Sox Prospects have been called the next big thing? Or how many times have you people claimed Bellichicks system made a player? Remember when we fixed Randy Moss, by cracking down on him and showing him the Patriot Way? Making him get up early and chopping wood?????

Ya well I think this same thing is going on with you "Natural Birthers", just putting too much stock in your farm system or your "family" system. Oh my kids in the 90th percentile or my kid is reading at blah blah level. Just throwing Sabremetrics out there to basically cover up your kid is probably going to be a run of the mill state school "bust". its just averages sure every kid is special and just maybe MAYBE one of you is currently housing the next Cam Newton.

But screw that why play the genetic lottery when there are 6 Billion People out there whose genetics you can comb through to find an ESTABLISHED product. Have fun raising the next Michael Bishop guys I'm hitting the free agent wire.

Now I'm generally told that even in the most impoverished countries "Kid Kombines" are frowned on. I had my way id go with ole reliable 40 yd time, 225 reps and vertical leap. But because that would be "dangerous" or cruel ive decided on 3 basic metrics. Height (6'1" min I'm not rasing midgets), Weight ( no fatties so sorry America) and the greatest  Intangible EDGE.

and no I'm not being sexist by choosing a son. I think if I had any clue how to speak with women I wouldn't be in this mess.

1.) height

ok well this was a surprise I most certainly thought Uganda would come out of no where. But I can do Norway. I mean sure 6ft is a little Manlet for my liking but whatever, I respect the Norwegish tradtion of Vikings and Norse Superhero Gods (suck it Christianity)

2. weight
ok so this one was a little tricky to interpret. I'm not really a sabre metric guy and a lot of these countries aren't "favs" like Canada and Brazil. But I really respect the metric BMI. While you guys are being force fed "Percentiles" by Human Vets (aka Pediatricians) and being told your little heffer is "special" Ive basically found the perfect metric to minimize my chances of acquiring the next Baby Sandoval. With a BMI of 22 I think Mozambique is the clear winner. Again I love that another Scandavian Country beat out the competition AGAIN. 22 is perfect not to big and not to skinny.


confused yet? I'm sure your feeling like baseball fans did when the Yankees discovered the DR. Well I'm sure many of you xenophobic nuts were saying der CBR America is back to back world war champs. Well I think this graphic speaks for itself. the clear winners of the EDGE metric is the Jivaaroans a little tribe in North Peru. Maybe you've heard of them before by there streetname HEAD HUNTERS

So there you have it well your sitting at some awful recital or participation award sports game. Ill be looking for my future Norwegian/Mozambiki/Jivavorian  Son whose name Ive already chosen (hint rhymes with ABRETOOH)

So probably by time you see me next youll have to respect me because ILL BE FATHER


1) I think the first graphic was kind of slanted towards Europeans
2) Turns out Mozambique is not in Scandanavia
3) honestly is naming a kid open to Copyrght law? Could I just name my kid Sabretooth?

Monday, June 13, 2016

Lets to do this

Well it is official. I heard Summertime by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince so summer is here.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Mario always takes the best weeks off for vacation.
2. TK met Andre Tippett.
3. The Chiefdude had a health scare but seems to have bounced back like a rubber ball.
4. I guess cell phones are made to last 2 years so if you get a 3rd year you should be happy.
5. Would you rather go to Plainridge or Twin Rivers?
6. What is the most $ you have ever spent on the lottery at one time, Scratch tickets or daily games?
7. Congrats to Mark and Cathleen on the birth of their first child.
8. Speaking of children, I heard Mike G is having a 3rd.
9. Totally forgot, last week I was told that finger banging is out. Its the same thing as a guy getting a hand job. Is this true? And if it is true what next oral sex is out the window?
10.  Some Friday nights you just need a pizza and a movie.
11. Jeffrey and Rob working over on the Vineyard for a few days, oh we getting fancy now.
12. I am still killing the Moscow Mules when I  get a chance.
13. Anyone up for some 9 holes of golfing and day drinking any time soon? Like next week? Chrissy, Leaden and I are looking for a 4th.
14. If you are looking for a used car how old is too old?
15. What are your feeling on cheese and seafood?
16. Have you ever had fresh Kielbasa? Not smoked? Its ok but nothing to write home about.
17. Mike Foley says the new menu at Apple bees BLOWS.
18. Switching all my stuff from my old phone to my new was pretty easy between Verizon cloud and Google.

That is all I have for now.

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Tuesday Boozeday?

I mean it is tempting, right? Blowing off work and just going day drinking.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Cookout season is upon us - two on the same day. Now thats living!
2. Getting rear ended is the worst.
3. Another year and another successful Dot Day.

                                                             (video by Grillo)

4. Speaking of Dot Day, Congrats to Chrissy to winning the Dot day Bowl off.
5. Is anyone actually watching this NBA Finals?
6. Going out for lunch and sitting at the bar alone is totally normal right?
7. Rob Knudsen a.k.a. as Coach K is on Snap chat.
8. Who wears sweat pants to a bar?
9. Apparently Cambridge voted to change Columbus Day to Indigenous people day.
10. First time in years that Nora Mitchell did not make Dot Day.
11. Can you guess what one of these things didn't happen in a packed bar:
                                    A. Someone whipped their dick out
                                    B. Someone took their tits out.
                                    C. Legit dance off with money involved
                                    D. Random strangers hugging and one kissing the others ones neck
                                    E. Someone complaining about not getting shots FOR OVER 7 HOURS
                                    F. Aliens walked in and obliterated everyone
12. Jeffrey is now on Venmo.
13. Putting little kids bikes together is a bit stressful. Directions say may cause death if you do it wrong. I mean what the fuck bro!
14. I know you were all very worried about my neck. It feels a whole hell of a lot better.
15. Calnan needs to get back to work soon. He is starting to scare me.
16. How many bat shit insane crazy friend do you have to have before you start to think that maybe you are crazy?

Gotta go. Work to do and all.

Thursday, June 2, 2016

This Guy Killed Harambe...........

Look I don't normally feel really strong on many issues. Could care less about so much it could fill a warehouse or two. Normally only thing that really gets me going lately is Tub O' Meghan Trainor

but what I am solid 100 pct against is Endangered Animals Assasinations. Case in point that gentle giant taken from us way to soon Harambe.

And I know a lot of parents read this and your going to be quick to blame the parents or maybe even worse take the side of his Asssassin because kids are our greatest resource and they change your life blah blah blah etc.

Well I'm telling you right now. DISNEY killed Harambe. How you say? Well picture says a thousands words

There it is. How many times do you think that  kid saw the Jungle Book? 2 dozen? Probably countless since Millenial Parents today let Disney raise their children. How was that kid suppose to know a Gorilla is dangerous? When kids today are bombarded with images of giant friendly animals via Disney? I think the only real "legal" question left is how many Disney movies has this child watched?

Since I don't embrace excuses, I'm here to offer a solution. So without further adieu I introduce Drunknothings EDUCATIONAL Animal Mauling of the Week ( I'll give you a minute to gather the little ones)


Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Man on Man

I hope that everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend.

This is what I  learned this weekend:
1. Known fact that a holiday is a holiday is a holiday even for the blog.
2. Yes, I am the guy who leaves his shirt on at the beach so I dont burn. Deal with it.
3. Speaking of burns, Chrissy hows them lobster red legs coming along?
4. You know summer has started when Plunkett rocks out at the Improper!
5. Mario rocking a S7, #notteamiphone.
6. The new X-men movie is ok. I can see why it got bad reviews, Apocalyse is kind of a let down and there is a slow build up.
7. I heard the DC rebirth comic is pretty good. Basically blaming Dr Manattan for the failed new 52.
8. Sleeping on your neeck wrong is a shitty way to start your day.
9. Steph Curry vs Lebron in the way the NBA lets Lebron lose.
10. Fuck you, sour grapes. When I want grapes I do not want them to be sour.
11. Do you ever get too old to wear a hat?
12. Chrissy is looking for any tattoo ideas. Either a full back piece or a calf. Put your suggestions in the comments section.

Sorry this one is short and sweet but gotta run and do some work.

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Memorial Day weekend

It looks like Memorial Day weekend is fast approaching. Cookouts, sunshine, day drinking and beach days are here people.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. The 9th Annual Mustache Pub crawl was a success. We raised $1000 for Dana Farber. Thank you all for supporting the cause.

2. There were 3 stars at the pub crawl - Little Jay, Grillo and TK.
3. Speaking of TK, rumor has it that he is retiring from the pub crawl game even thought everyone said how much fun they had with him. File that under things that make you go hmmmm.
4. Chrissy was up for 56.25 straight hours. Sleep be damned.
5. Strep throat is a mother of fuckers!
6. When you have crazy vivid dreams and wake up totally confused and bummed out that it was just a dream, yeah that sucks.
7. Grillo is in the initial process of screen play writing with Jeffrey and Bunker.
8. Oh I also heard that Grillo thought Bunker was Uber and wanted to be driven all over the South shore.
9. Anything better than winning blind Keno?
10. I would say the reception to the crawl in Quincy was positive (Except maybe the lady at S6).
11. Ronin has half of his rear hind leg area shaved due to a cut. Poor guy is not happy and I may have to put a cone of shame on him.
12. I do not know if you check the top right of this blog but the 10th Annual Mustache Pub crawl is Saturday May 20th, 2017. I hope this gives everyone plenty of time to plan. I have always said my goal was to make it 10 years. God knows I have thought about stopping every year after the 5th year but we kept plugging along. So as of right now, the 10th year will be my last year. Maybe someone will pick up the mantle and run with it? Maybe we start new with a different theme - Hawaiian shirts? Beards? 80's or 90's?  Pirate?
13. I don't know if I got more questions of Wheres Calnan, Wheres Jason Foley or Where is John Wallace? Mustache Pub crawl staples.
14. What the fuck is going on over at WWE? Just a flood of talent being released and the story lines are getting shitty.
15. Fat shaming is climbing up the bullying list - it is probably top 3 now.
16. Hey Flutie, saw your nephew got a DUI, is that why you don't support pub crawls and drinking?
17. Is there a bigger flopper/baby in the NBA than Lebron?
18. I don't know what is a bigger pipe dream for local fans - Kevin Durant to the Celtics or Steven Stamkos to the Bruins.
19. Petty people are insane people.
20. Chrissy is putting together a little bar hopping day drinking escapade soon. Hes calling it a sick out. Strap your boots on because its gonna be a shit show.

Thanks again to everyone for supporting the crawl.

Monday, May 16, 2016

May May May

Its May 16th and I legit have no idea what the weather is going to be like. Saturday was 80 today its 42, yesterday felt like Fall. I mean come on Mother nature make up your mind.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Art's Sunset Bay (the old Seadog), in Hull, has some pretty good food.
2. Jeffrey doesn't bounce back like he used to.
3. Are people nervous about the Madden curse and Gronk?
4. Cangrats to Phelpsy for being cancer free and being back to work this week.
5. John Brewer is bar tending over at Lulu's in Alston.
6.  Every year it seems like I am cleaning up and out my garage.
7. What you know about putting down a patio?
8. I think Sean "Supah P" Meehan is ducking me!
9. Mike Foley is too cool for a pub crawl, even in Quincy.
10. Who do you think will show up first on Saturday - Danny Cooney or Bill Smiddy?
11. Wendys is putting in self service kiosk to take orders.
12. A large iced coffee at Dunkin Donuts is over $3 now, how much will it cost when minimum wage is $15?
13. Speaking of Dunkin Donuts when did the drive thru become more of a priority than actual customers standing in line?
14. I have been trying to figure out the best way to make ribs. Anyone have any suggestions?
15. Sunday drivers are a real thing. Fucking people without a care in the world just driving around like zombies.
16. Shopping for sneakers is such a pain in the ass.
 17. Jason Foley (no relation to Mike who refuses pub crawls) is looking for a new plumbing job if anyone knows of any.
18. Are you Home Depot or Lowes?

Hope to see you all on Saturday at the crawl!

The 9th Annual Mustache Pub crawl

Saturday May 21 starting at 1:00. We are switching it up this year and heading to Quincy. The shirts are $20 as always all the proceeds will be donated to Dana Farber.

1st ride Cagney 1:00-2:30
2nd ride Sully's 2:30-3:45
3rd ride Acapulco's 3:45-5:00
4th ride The Iron Furnace 5:00-6:15
5th ride The Half door 6:15-7:30
6th ride Fuji 1546 7:30-8:45
7th ride S6/Paddy Barry's 8:45-10:00
8th ride Kelly's Cellar 10:00 -close

We will have fake staches  for the ladies and the gentlemen who can't grow em.

Please forward this to anyone who may want to come out.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Patriot Way Kool Aid: Little Dannys deal

First off all everyone needs to understand I like the Patriots, I do. Watch every game. However, I'm not a blind fan boy who subscribes to in "Bill We Trust". I'm critical of the team as every fan should be of any team. With "Pats Nation" basically at dictator status and questioning nothing at one end and Eagles fans questioning everything and calling for executions daily of coaches and players.

but this Amendola deal is the WORST. No not financially because the deal is team friendly. But because he took a "hometown discount". Which has somehow morphed into the gospel around here. Like it's an honor to play for the Pats. Ya statistically you stand a better chance of winning a championship then most but, those chances dwindle everyday as the NFL Free Agent Market becomes rougher and rougher. Yet the Patriots stick to this hometown discount mantra like the bible.

and let me cut you off right there, Ya Brady does it. However, those restructurings are almost as always incredibly in his favor (hes also far richer then the common player)

So whats going to happen when either Hightower or Collins walks because "they wouldn't take a discount". Ill tell you exactly what the Pats call up the media and smear em like they always do (sans wilfork)

Look todays NFL Player is far different from even 5 years ago. Their kids who basically grew up ranked by Rivals and got huge press in College. Eventually, these kids get to a place where all they care about is money. And how can we blame them when most grew up poor as well?  Cars, Champagne and Exotic Cats cant be bought in rings. There's no more Brown and Bruschi's left in the league eventually the hometown discount has to go or were getting real non competitive real fast.

(also I should note a certain J Phelps no that's too obvious! A certain Justin P likes to step out of line with the comments on here. He does his phone number goes out to the Internetz)

PS I keep trying  to write a weekly piece about the comings and goings of a certain William J Smiddy. However, word is hes gone dark. If your reading this Smiddy let someone know your Ok :)