Tuesday, July 26, 2016

It happens

Sorry that I haven't posted. I have just been caught up and on the go since Sunday.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Everyone makes mistakes. You have to deal with it and move on. You either learn from it or you are bound to repeat it.
2. Sometimes a plate of bacon is an appropriate dinner, when you are an adult.
3. I always laugh at people who wear socks and sneakers to the beach.
4. Speaking of the beach, I get how Martell stays there for 12 hours a day.
5. What is your least favorite chore? I say doing the dishes.
6. I obsess over the littlest things and I am working on it.
7. Do people who can't cook get mad when they see kids on Chopped whipping up crazy things with crappy ingredients.
8. Is anyone else going to Pearl Jam next Friday?
9. We all have friends that make us smile no matter what the situation is.
10. Seeing TK in Hull was like seeing a fish out of water.
11. What would you do if you won the Powerball? I decided I would have a pool filled with Reeses Pieces and swim around that bitch like Scrooge Mcduck.
12. How long could you go without shaving? I think 5 months is the longest I have ever gone.
13. It make me laugh that everyone has an opinion of my haircut - good or bad there is no in between.
14. I have heard of a cleaning the fridge party, where you just drink all the random beers you have accumulated but a cooler cleaning party?  Well that happens too.
15. How do you get a warrant for an outstanding excise tax? Like you cant pay a $85 bill?
16. Four year olds are chatty and also like sponges. They take in everything.
17. Is anyone else watching Preacher? Or is it just Rio and I?
18. Is there anything worse than stubbing your baby toe?

Monday, July 18, 2016

I survived

It was 50/50 if I was going to survive a week down the Cape. If anyone happened to follow Jeffrey's snap chat story you know what I am talking about if not then maybe you should get on that.

This is what I learned while on vacation:
1. Who hates on Smartfood? I mean honestly?
2. How does one hurt themselves jogging?
3. So far I have stayed in Orleans, Brewster and now Harwich. It is difficult tryinhg to find where you'd like to vacation every year.
4. Has anyone actually used one of those bagsters?
5. For the first time in 6 years, my flood insurance did not go up this year.
6. Is Julie Nickerson alive? Haven't heard from her in months.
7. Charles V. Grillo is in a relationship (Pretty sure it is FB verified).
8. Speaking of Grillo he is at the Republican National Convention because why wouldn't he?
9. Never give a 3 year old hot buffalo wing sauce on celery - life lessons.
10. Always dump out your mixed drinks when you leave for the day.
11. The older you get the more you realize whayt matters.
12. Jeffrey past 9 and went to 12...#Jeffreyon12 was trending for 6 minutes on Twitter.
13. Hong Kong Dave is fixing up his row house in Baltimore for his inevitable move back to Mass. If you know anyone looking in Ravens country.
14. Jason Foley is looking for a place up on Lake Winnesasauke if you know if anything out there.
15. I only had 3 texts about why haven't I posted a new blog yet...baby steps.
16. I have been to the beach many times in my life but never have I had sand blowing into my mouth while I ate a sandwich, until this past week.
17. No one vacations like Lauren Brady - Pembroke, Cape Cod, Worchester, Rockland, Plymouth and Holden all crammed into 1 week of living.
18. I may have someone on the hook to get a tattoo of Derek riding a donkey.
19. You ever meet someone new who opens their mouth to speak and then just think to yourself  "What a fucking dickhead".
20. I may be looking for a new 10th for the ADSL fantasy league. If you are interested HMU.

Friday, July 8, 2016

Friday forward

Okay okay some of you are not happy with an old re-post from 2011. I get it, maybe you have read it before or maybe you just don't find it as funny as I do. I am more than willing and capable to write up something (probably non witty and mostly random but hey its Friday).

Here are some random Friday ramblings:
1. How many coffees in one day is too many coffees?
2. Would you rather be on a beach some where or up in a cabin on a lake?
3. More and more older people are getting into Snap chat.
4. We all have that one friend who gets drunk and repeats the same 6 things when they are wasted. If you don't then it may be you.
5. Random Thursday drinking nights are always welcomed in my world.
6. What are your feelings on the word "moist"?
7. Do you prefer your beer in a bottle? cans? or an ice cold draft?
8. Someone told me recently they don't have a favorite color or number because they don't believe in that kind of silliness. Uhm, bro its a color or a number not the fucking Easter bunny.
9. They say that parents can never pick their favorite child but can you pick your favorite sibling?
10.  How come the older you get the less sleep you actually get? I mean I am functioning on 4 hours some nights and tops 6 others.
11. Sometimes this is an answer:

12. I heard HBC bank is moving towards finger/thumb prints for your accounts and maybe away from ATM cards.
13. How many actual phone numbers do people know? In this day and age of cell phones,  how many do you actually dial?
14. Jeffrey believes that yoga pants are lies and the only true way to gauge a women's ass is a nice pair of jeans.
15. I have said it before and I will say it till I am blue in the face Buffalo Wild Wings is gaross!
16. If you were purchasing a new car (Or a new to you car) what would you be looking at? And what color?
17. It appears that Chrissy is looking to do a 5K every 3 months. You people better get on this.
18. Marvel is making changes to their comics, Iron man will now be a 15 year old girl.
19. Man I am excited for these great white sharks and the killer whale spotted off the cape.  I would love to see the killer whale more than the sharks but ill take either at this point.
20. I am a firm believer in karma, everything happens for a reason, god has a plan, do unto others as you will have done unto you, hard work pays off, manners matter, treating people with respect, listening to someone vent goes a long way and differing opinions are what make us who we are.

Magic 21

Some of you are aware, I get emails from time to time about blogging. It is usually a website to check out or a new restaurant to try but occasionally I get old school emails to post (you know the ones you used to forward around back in 1999 - I mean #19 talks about waiting by a phone - it is old).

Well, this one is from the time of Sean Riccio and it gets sent to me every year or so. Since I am going on vacation next week it seems like to right time to share it with everyone again. Make sure you read all 21, laugh a little bit and pick out your favorite. (By the way let me know if any actually work).

I laugh every time at #7 and #9. If you guys have anything else you may want me to post send it along.

These magic 21 tricks for pleasing your woman have been passed down for centuries, and each is an old Tibetan teaching I will now share with you.

1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (Or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say you better be. Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for pussies and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words "fuck you" and grab the other girls ass.
Girls love competition.

8. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

9. Warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... Then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

10. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

11. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she's cooking food. knock the food off the table.  I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

12. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

13. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair.
This way shell go crazy.

14. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

15. Titty twisters, and plenty of them.

16. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

17. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

18. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just when ever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.

19. If shes mad at you for not calling her when you say you will promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now shell be really excited. Now don't call. Ever.

20. Next time you are having sex, make sure you get off before she does, then get off her and leave. Girls love that.

21. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016


I hope that everyone had a fun and eventful Fourth of July weekend. I know that I did!

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. The older you get the faster the year flies by.
2. Can't get more American that Budweisers and baseball:

3. When did they start selling cans all over Fenway Park? And when did the beer guys start coming up to the grandstand selling beers?
4. If you are having a cookout a bouncy house and snow cone machine should be somewhere on your list.
5. How drunk must you be to pass out on the couch two nights in a row and not walk up the stairs? Asking for a friend.
6. It is funny how a $3 squirt gun can make a little kids day.
7. Why aren't blackened chicken sandwiches on more menus?
8. Remember when Wimbledon was a thing? There was fanfare.
9. Pretty sure Jeffrey hates my haircut.
10. Korean Beef tacos are my new jam.
11. People are upset that KD picked the Warriors. Get over it, we got Al Horford!
12. If you had to enter a sandwich into a sandwich competition, what would you enter? Any kind of sandwich you want.
13. Why the fuck does Twitter update their Ap every god damn week. Just when I get comfortable with it they update it,.
14. Some people get drunk and chatty, some just clam up.
15. Pretty sure half my life has consisted of this conversation:
"What do you want to eat?"
"I dunno, what do you want to eat?"
"I don't know, what do you feel like"
16.Man mother nature does not want me to have nice grass.
17. Nothing good happens after 2 am!
18. Why do people debate if hot dogs are a sandwich?

Ok gotta jet. Have a great week