Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Whats up for the 4th

Yes, I know that yesterday was Monday.
Yes, I know that is when I usually update the blog.
But after returning from vacation and weeding through 417 emails, I forgot about it till noon and then just said fuck it till Tuesday.

This is what I learned while I was away:
1. Sun burns suck, no matter how much sun block you use you still get a burn.
2. Does anyone give a shit about Shark Week anymore?
3. When you cut your hair a different way every one has something to say/an opinion.
4. If you are looking for a fun time: get together with Chrissy and Leaden for 9 holes of golf, lunch and day drinking.

video

5. Calnan can call me a raving psychopath all he wants but I still don't see his top 10 Candy bar list.
6. Anyone who makes fun of Ray Bourque, is an asshole. Don't act like you have never made a mistake.
7. Congrats to William J. Smiddy who is training for the 2017 Boston Marathon.
8. Whats that old saying - Screw me once shame on you, screw me twice shame on me. What is it if its screw me for a 20th time?
9. Guess possums can never get rabies.
10. The roof deck at Alba is a good time.
11. Did anyone else catch the Michael Jackson's Journey from Motown to Off the Wall?
12. It always makes me laugh/smile when people are so into soccer for big events but shit on the MLS and Premier league.
13. Stamkos to the Bruins or Durant to the Celtics? What seems more likely?
14. Ive been really killing the grapefruit  beers. They just seem very summery.
15. Still cant find anyone to go to Chicago with me on July 23rd weekend.   Ill get the hotel you just gotta fly out there.
16. People have slowly started shuffling off the Red Sox band wagon since June 1st.
17. Is there any show that TLC would not put together and put on? I am waiting for the Calnan and Chrissy show to come out - TV GOLD. ( Also over under on when Alli would leave Chrissy by for being TV famous is 9 months to a year)
18. Speaking of the Macphails good luck on the 5K on Sunday, now you didn't hear this from me but I am hearing people are wagering on who finishes first.
19. How come people aren't more in an uproar about the flooding in West Virginia? Shouldn't we be helping out one and other? Oh if you can not use it to prop up your cause then fuck it?
20. What is your take on the Brexit? Good? Bad? Xenophobia? Patriotic?

Don't forget the Annual Whitley cookout is Sunday, July 3rd, stop by anytime after 1. We will have plenty of food and some beers. Rumor has it there will be a bouncy house and a snow cone machine(not really sure which one is for the kids and for the adults).


Monday, June 20, 2016

Derek is a raving psycopath


he's big, he's burly, he's always down to booze and for a short period titled himself Mr Booze.

but, then again there was always something a little off about him right? Just a little something. Maybe its the always being happy? Love of the hentai genre? The zany facial hair? I don't know myself but this. THIS I KNOW

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN PROOF HES A PSYCHOPATH


1. Kit Kat
2. Reeces Peanut Butter cup
3. Mounds/Almond Joy
4. Reeces Pieces
5. Hershey - kisses, mini candy bars or full size bars
6.M & M peanuts
7. Man I loved Whatchamacallits when I was little
8. Twix bars
9. Caramellos
10. 100 Grand bar

Sorry Snickers and Milky Way

What the hell is that? Kit Kat #1 Ya sure Kit Kat is a respectable but, at best is suited for ice cream cumbling

#2 Reeces? First open the Wikipedia its REESES, second its 2016 everyone has peanut butter allegies especially kids. Might as well say I hate kids and steal from collection baskets.

#3 Mounds/Almond Joy, Who in human history has ever uttered the words "Man I could go for an Almond Joy"? Answer: No One

#4 Reeces Pieces, misspelled again. Just double down on the kid hate more bro.

#5 Hershey? Didn't know this was a Candy Company list? And fucking nobody likes Hershey Kisses. Their role is to go square in the center of an oatmeal cookie come Christmas time AND even then that is at best a dessert appetizer

#6 Peanut M&Ms ok I respect this, and is Kid safe because it doesn't contain Peanut Butter

#7 Whatchamacallits, date yourself some more grandpa, I bet you liked them with a nice can of Moxie right before buying some War Bonds and taking the trolley to the pictures

#8 Twix Bar? That's not candy, its a snack food? Whats next Fruit by the Foot or Gushers?

#9 Caremellos? They actually sell those? I thought you could only get them out of church fundraiser candy boxes?

#10 100 Grand Bar? Again, how was the Depression? Was Polio a real concern of yours? Do rowdy teens upset you?

and last but not least sorry Snickers and Milky Way? Might as well say put me on a watch list. What you did was the equivalent of Moses coming down the mountain with Thou Shall Not Kill and Thou shall not steal covered up and saying NBD?

What is that? Any coincidence Derek got into Sausage making recently? Well after this I can tell you conclusively those sausages everyone was raving about contained human flesh.

Have a good vacation Derek. I know your not going anywhere but, I can guarantee readers there is going to be a spike in missing persons and mutilated farm animals







Friday, June 17, 2016

Friday Funday?

I am on vacation next week and that means I won't be blogging, so I decided that I would do a Friday ramblings type post. More so that I won't get any 7:30/8:00 wake up texts asking why there is no blog (Rolling my eyes at you Chrissy and Riccio). Plus most people won't check this thing till Monday anyways so it will be new to them then.

Friday ramblings:
1. Man, Morrissey Blvd has become a NASCAR super speedway between 3-7pm, Monday through Friday.
2. Who is throwing together a Fathers day Brunch for Paddy? He is underway on his adoption process!
3. How can people like coffee but hate iced coffee?
4. Just found out that male menopause exists after you turn 40, right Chiefdude?
5. You would think that thousandaire ideas would be easier to launch.
6. Do you have a top 10 candy bar list? Not fruit type candies like Starbursts, Skittles or Jolly ranchers(Obviously I has them on there). I have recently had this discussion and wanted your lists.
7. Still looking for a 4th for golf on Monday morning, tee time is 10 am at North Hill in Duxbury.
8. We all have a few friends that you have to do a wellness check on from time to time, know what I am saying?
9. Still haven't heard back from anyone in regards to making it to the Chipman Family Pig roast. Looks like a solo outing.

10. It seems like everyone and their mother is writing and publishing children's books
11. There are just some people that just don't get along, like 2 magnets. What can you do?
12. What is your take on bloody Mary's? Yes or no? Morning only? Or anytime?
13. What temperature is the cut off for a beach day - 68 degrees?
14. Is there anything more annoying than the guy who constantly makes plans with you, only to break them when something "better" comes along?

Here is my candy list:
1. Kit Kat
2. Reeces Peanut Butter cup
3. Mounds/Almond Joy
4. Reeces Pieces
5. Hershey - kisses, mini candy bars or full size bars
6.M & M peanuts
7. Man I loved Whatchamacallits when I was little
8. Twix bars
9. Caramellos
10. 100 Grand bar

Sorry Snickers and Milky Way.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Should I adpot a child?






Lets just skip all the jazz here and get into it. I'm 31, and everyone around me is having kids. Now mind you these kids are being created "naturally" but I really think this is a by product of Sox/Patriots system loving. For example how many Sox Prospects have been called the next big thing? Or how many times have you people claimed Bellichicks system made a player? Remember when we fixed Randy Moss, by cracking down on him and showing him the Patriot Way? Making him get up early and chopping wood?????

Ya well I think this same thing is going on with you "Natural Birthers", just putting too much stock in your farm system or your "family" system. Oh my kids in the 90th percentile or my kid is reading at blah blah level. Just throwing Sabremetrics out there to basically cover up your kid is probably going to be a run of the mill state school "bust". its just averages sure every kid is special and just maybe MAYBE one of you is currently housing the next Cam Newton.

But screw that why play the genetic lottery when there are 6 Billion People out there whose genetics you can comb through to find an ESTABLISHED product. Have fun raising the next Michael Bishop guys I'm hitting the free agent wire.

Now I'm generally told that even in the most impoverished countries "Kid Kombines" are frowned on. I had my way id go with ole reliable 40 yd time, 225 reps and vertical leap. But because that would be "dangerous" or cruel ive decided on 3 basic metrics. Height (6'1" min I'm not rasing midgets), Weight ( no fatties so sorry America) and the greatest  Intangible EDGE.


and no I'm not being sexist by choosing a son. I think if I had any clue how to speak with women I wouldn't be in this mess.



1.) height

ok well this was a surprise I most certainly thought Uganda would come out of no where. But I can do Norway. I mean sure 6ft is a little Manlet for my liking but whatever, I respect the Norwegish tradtion of Vikings and Norse Superhero Gods (suck it Christianity)


2. weight
ok so this one was a little tricky to interpret. I'm not really a sabre metric guy and a lot of these countries aren't "favs" like Canada and Brazil. But I really respect the metric BMI. While you guys are being force fed "Percentiles" by Human Vets (aka Pediatricians) and being told your little heffer is "special" Ive basically found the perfect metric to minimize my chances of acquiring the next Baby Sandoval. With a BMI of 22 I think Mozambique is the clear winner. Again I love that another Scandavian Country beat out the competition AGAIN. 22 is perfect not to big and not to skinny.


3. EDGE

confused yet? I'm sure your feeling like baseball fans did when the Yankees discovered the DR. Well I'm sure many of you xenophobic nuts were saying der CBR America is back to back world war champs. Well I think this graphic speaks for itself. the clear winners of the EDGE metric is the Jivaaroans a little tribe in North Peru. Maybe you've heard of them before by there streetname HEAD HUNTERS

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jivaroan_peoples



So there you have it well your sitting at some awful recital or participation award sports game. Ill be looking for my future Norwegian/Mozambiki/Jivavorian  Son whose name Ive already chosen (hint rhymes with ABRETOOH)

So probably by time you see me next youll have to respect me because ILL BE FATHER


Corrections:

1) I think the first graphic was kind of slanted towards Europeans
2) Turns out Mozambique is not in Scandanavia
3) honestly is naming a kid open to Copyrght law? Could I just name my kid Sabretooth?

Monday, June 13, 2016

Lets to do this

Well it is official. I heard Summertime by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince so summer is here.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Mario always takes the best weeks off for vacation.
2. TK met Andre Tippett.
3. The Chiefdude had a health scare but seems to have bounced back like a rubber ball.
4. I guess cell phones are made to last 2 years so if you get a 3rd year you should be happy.
5. Would you rather go to Plainridge or Twin Rivers?
6. What is the most $ you have ever spent on the lottery at one time, Scratch tickets or daily games?
7. Congrats to Mark and Cathleen on the birth of their first child.
8. Speaking of children, I heard Mike G is having a 3rd.
9. Totally forgot, last week I was told that finger banging is out. Its the same thing as a guy getting a hand job. Is this true? And if it is true what next oral sex is out the window?
10.  Some Friday nights you just need a pizza and a movie.
11. Jeffrey and Rob working over on the Vineyard for a few days, oh we getting fancy now.
12. I am still killing the Moscow Mules when I  get a chance.
13. Anyone up for some 9 holes of golfing and day drinking any time soon? Like next week? Chrissy, Leaden and I are looking for a 4th.
14. If you are looking for a used car how old is too old?
15. What are your feeling on cheese and seafood?
16. Have you ever had fresh Kielbasa? Not smoked? Its ok but nothing to write home about.
17. Mike Foley says the new menu at Apple bees BLOWS.
18. Switching all my stuff from my old phone to my new was pretty easy between Verizon cloud and Google.

That is all I have for now.

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Tuesday Boozeday?

I mean it is tempting, right? Blowing off work and just going day drinking.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Cookout season is upon us - two on the same day. Now thats living!
2. Getting rear ended is the worst.
3. Another year and another successful Dot Day.


video
                                                             (video by Grillo)

4. Speaking of Dot Day, Congrats to Chrissy to winning the Dot day Bowl off.
5. Is anyone actually watching this NBA Finals?
6. Going out for lunch and sitting at the bar alone is totally normal right?
7. Rob Knudsen a.k.a. as Coach K is on Snap chat.
8. Who wears sweat pants to a bar?
9. Apparently Cambridge voted to change Columbus Day to Indigenous people day.
10. First time in years that Nora Mitchell did not make Dot Day.
11. Can you guess what one of these things didn't happen in a packed bar:
                                    A. Someone whipped their dick out
                                    B. Someone took their tits out.
                                    C. Legit dance off with money involved
                                    D. Random strangers hugging and one kissing the others ones neck
                                    E. Someone complaining about not getting shots FOR OVER 7 HOURS
                                    F. Aliens walked in and obliterated everyone
12. Jeffrey is now on Venmo.
13. Putting little kids bikes together is a bit stressful. Directions say may cause death if you do it wrong. I mean what the fuck bro!
14. I know you were all very worried about my neck. It feels a whole hell of a lot better.
15. Calnan needs to get back to work soon. He is starting to scare me.
16. How many bat shit insane crazy friend do you have to have before you start to think that maybe you are crazy?

Gotta go. Work to do and all.


Thursday, June 2, 2016

This Guy Killed Harambe...........



Look I don't normally feel really strong on many issues. Could care less about so much it could fill a warehouse or two. Normally only thing that really gets me going lately is Tub O' Meghan Trainor

but what I am solid 100 pct against is Endangered Animals Assasinations. Case in point that gentle giant taken from us way to soon Harambe.

And I know a lot of parents read this and your going to be quick to blame the parents or maybe even worse take the side of his Asssassin because kids are our greatest resource and they change your life blah blah blah etc.

Well I'm telling you right now. DISNEY killed Harambe. How you say? Well picture says a thousands words




There it is. How many times do you think that  kid saw the Jungle Book? 2 dozen? Probably countless since Millenial Parents today let Disney raise their children. How was that kid suppose to know a Gorilla is dangerous? When kids today are bombarded with images of giant friendly animals via Disney? I think the only real "legal" question left is how many Disney movies has this child watched?

Since I don't embrace excuses, I'm here to offer a solution. So without further adieu I introduce Drunknothings EDUCATIONAL Animal Mauling of the Week ( I'll give you a minute to gather the little ones)






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