A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant Their waitress,
taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed that the
man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of
sight under the table. Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled,
apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me,
ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door."
Bitches 'til the End
Man, I'll tell ya, women can be cold until the end!
The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.
'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini.'
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.
The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, 'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.'
The friend s were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.
After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, 'Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??'
'Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'
And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In Order.'