Friday, January 23, 2009

Joe No Job


What No Job equals: No job .No money. No fun. Still have to go to class Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights for 3 ½ hrs. Hunger. I’m fucking starving .I’m so hungry I’ve contemplated coaxing my neighbors dog into my man cave with a leftover lamb bone I have.(see lamb bone) IM down to 3 Coors lights and my gf 's bud light limes left over from the summer. My ass hurts so bad from sitting on the couch all day that I now have to lay pillows down. My eyes are blood shot from looking at computer smut all day. There are no more new episodes of Law & Order, 24, 90210, CSI Miami, Overhauling, FBI Files, Las Vegas, just to name a few. I think I’ve watched every new and old episode there ever was. Yes I do admit to watching 90210. The highlight of my week so far has been when I put on an old north face fleece and reached into my pocket. To my shock and surprise I found $33 . I thought it was a dream. I wanted to go running to the bar room but I had to spend my money wisely. That’s where the lamb bone comes in. Just incase any of you employed people were wandering how I could be bitching when I had a nice lamb dinner on my hands. This never would have happened if hadn’t changed my clothes for the second time in 2 weeks. That $33 supplied me with a lamb shank and 2 Coors lights. I also got to stare at a bartender that I’ve wanted to bang since I first laid eyes on her. Oh what a night I had. So I hope all of you enjoyed spending the money you don’t have last night and watching the bruins. The moral of this story is I know you like lists Derek so here it is :

#1. Always stay employed

#2. Always keep reserves in the roof deck fridge.

#3. Always change your clothing

#4. Always hide money in random clothing

#5. Always keep plenty of extra pillows on hand

#6. Always DVR late night shows so you have more to watch during the daytime

#7. Always keep a bone handy because you never no when the food will run out.

#8. Always stay in school because if you don’t you will have to return at some point.

#9. Always stay employed.



P.S. I forgot to mention that the Bartender I referred to above is now 3 months Prego WTF



#10.Always bang her when you have the chance.

P.S.S If anyone needs there boiler changed out or serviced you know where I am.

Have a Grand Day


This is an actual email I received from my buddy Joey Roofdeck. Joey has been laid off for a few months now and apparently he is getting a little antsy. If anyone needs some boiler service, he is available.

5 comments:

Chrissy said...

i love pregnant chicks! where is this bartender at??

Anonymous said...

i may need a plumber to change out my gas stove...........what are his rates?

Hot and Bothered said...

Does Joe clean apartments? I always wanted a man to clean my apartment in his boxers...$15 an hour?

Stacy

MARTY537 said...

Im not really up for cleaning unless i make a mess. I am a pretty good hany man tho!

Maby if it was more than 15 bucks. come on now i pay my cleaning lady $75.00 an hr .

Chrissy said...

hey stacy, i will clean your place for $12/hour and be naked