Tuesday, November 4, 2008

ADSL Season 3 - Fantasy Football Update:

I can’t even tell you how excited I am. We create a new club and right off the top we get a new member into the Goose Egg Club. Congratulations to D St Dirtballs who got 0 points out of Heath Miller on a crucial Monday Night match-up against the Redskins. I’ll have to make up some kind of membership card to be distributed at next years draft. Before we move on I also wanted to mention that Smidawgs, Dead Beat Dad, Street Pharmacist, and JSL Enterprises did come close, but close doesn’t get you a free membership. On the other hand, coming close to getting a membership is a good sign that you may be eligible for the Costanza.

It’s only week 9 so I think it may be a little early but it’s worth keeping an eye on the race for the dress. Defending Champs is looking to avoid an unheard of first to worst finish. CHAMPS trails Smidawgs by 69 points for 9th place. At the midway point it looks like a 2 team race but we still have 8 weeks left for another team to join the race. CHAMPS finally got some points out of the TE position while DAWGS is struggling to find players who are healthy. This may come down to who is willing to spend $50 on the waiver wire in week 17 to avoid last place.

Lets take a quick review of the week that was. Dead Beat Dad headed into Monday night with a 16 point lead over D St. Dirtballs, DIRTBALLS had Heath Miller going. To date, Miller’s highest point total was 12 points which occurred in week 5. As we already mentioned Miller out did himself by putting up 0 points while ripping up his ankle. DIRTBALLS was locked in 16 points behind DEAD BEAT. Madd Fucking Niggerish also had Chris Cooley going Monday Night but trailed DEAD BEAT by 31 points. Smidawgs trailed by 86 points but had Roethlisberger, Parker, and Shaun ’10 points a game’ Suisham going to get some ‘Monday Night Action’. In the end it didn’t matter and DEAD BEAT game away with their first win of the year.

Every week that goes by the league just keeps getting tighter and tighter. Updated score is located on the bottom right of the blog but trust me it’s getting close. There is only a 134 point separation from 1st to 8th position and 6 teams are within 86 points. Injuries are piling up and waiver wire moves are going to be key to see who finishes in the money.

Now for the negative portion of this weeks update. We cannot go any further until we discuss a few topics. First thing is the rumor going through league circles that two teams are working together to manipulate the standings. Now I don’t want to get into calling people out on the blog. Well…actually I do JSL Enterprises and Nacho Papa. Your actions are being monitored closely and trust me when I say you do not want the Costanza Bulls eye placed on either one of your teams. It didn’t work out well for Tom Brady and it won’t work out for you either. The Costanza powers extend well past his ability to ruin first round picks (see Brady, Travis Henry, Clinton Portis). Now Costanza does not have the time or energy to resort to such tactics but I wouldn’t push your luck. If something happens this week you can only blame yourselves. And after that it will be done with unless you keep up the BS.

Next up is Street Pharmacist. All Costanza asked for was a thanks or maybe a cup of coffee for helping you out with Roddy White. But noooooo……you ignore Costanza and now look at what you’ve done. You threw Costanza off his game and he told NIGGERISH to bench the league rushing leader in favor of Marshawn ‘2 yards at a time’ Lynch. And of course NIGGERISH foolishly benched Portis. Thankfully this move only cost NIGGERISH 8 points which in the grand scheme of things is very little. I know what you’re thinking, NIGGERISH should have done the opposite, but we all know you can’t pull a Costanza on a Costanza suggestion. That would means worlds are colliding. "If Relationship George walks through that door, he will kill Independent George! A George divided against itself, cannot stand!"

So I hope you are happy PHARMACIST with the 7.5 points Rockin’ Roddy put up this week, you may want to get used to it.

With that said, Costanza has to get back in the saddle and help somebody out with who to bench. Costanza was going to go on and on about Colston this week but I think we’ve talked enough about DIRTBALLS in the past few weeks. Besides Costanza wants nothing to do with trying to figure out who to start between Colston (vs Atlanta), Boldin (vs San Fran), or Coles (vs St. Louis). Good luck with that one. This week Costanza is going to provide a helping hand to FLABO. The obvious start is Jennings and Johnson, but we’re gonna help you out with this one. DeSean ‘too soon’ Jackson is going to go off this week so it would be wise to play him in place of your stud Calvin Johnson. Remember we are only trying to help.

Things I’m Thinking…..
1. You could not pay me enough to be David Thomas in this weeks film review. Man that penalty was a killer.
2. Can’t wait for the Brady Quinn era to start and prove that if you draft a Notre Dame player all you get is a wasted draft pick.
3. Can we get back to this vaginatarian thing. Other than the obvious what exactly is a vaginatarian? Is this like a sub-culture within the lesbian community? AGAIN, other than the obvious, are there any prerequisites to being a vaginatarian? I need to know these things. SIDE NOTE: if you have a few minutes go to www.urbandictionary.com and do a search on ‘vaginatarian’. Very funny.
4. Can’t wait for Penn State to go undefeated and have no shot at the National Championship game.
5. Thank you Phillies. An entire city and region thanks you!
6. Why does the league only get together for the draft? We should all go to a bar one Sunday to watch the games. Trust me, watching Smidawgs lurking over people he doesn’t know while screaming about the extra point his kicker made is well worth the price of admission. Of course I’m kidding about the price of admission except for you Defending Champs it will cost you $100.

On to the Costanza Award. Dead Beat Dad leads things off with Donald Driver who finally decided to show up for a game and put up 27.5 points which cost DEAD BEAT 16.5 points when Fitzy had his first average game of the season. Has Nacho Papa ever been mentioned in the Costanza section? Well they have now….with Bernard Berrian putting up 22 points on the bench in placed of Lee Evans’ 6 point performance. I know we have been hard on Defending Champ (deservedly so you stiff) but this week’s performance may top them all. Not only are CHAMPS carrying 3 QB’s, but they managed to start the worst one this week. Garcia 24 points and Anderson 18 points….unfortunately CHAMPS started Kyle Orton who posted 10 points. Net loss 18 points. Next up is Street Pharmacist who didn’t start Hightower (21.5 points) but did start Marion ‘the barbarian’ Barber (5.5) points. Tough call this week….nobody’s miscue cost them a win and the largest statistical error we had belongs to CHAMPS. I know what everyone is thinking…….’he’s going to give it to CHAMPS’. Granted it would be easy, I mean they have 3 QB’s this late in the season and still manage to start the wrong one. Seriously, you have Jeff Garcia going against a crappy KC defense how do you not start him. I guess CHAMPS had no faith in what Garcia brings to the table. Well I do know this, I believe in anybody who is as ugly as Garcia and can still land a women this hot. OK…..I talked myself into it. CHAMPS you are the week 9 Costanza winner. Congratulations and before you ask there is no cash prize for winning the award you cheap bastard.


Cheerleader of the Week:
Anabel Dela Cerna
Washington Redskins
2008 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model
Hometown: Baltimore, Maryland
Graduated from George Mason University
Considers herself a ‘firecracker’
In her spare time Anabel enjoys traveling, reading, trying new restaurants, scrabble, and spending time with friends and family.



Good luck this week!