Wednesday, December 31, 2008
IGGLES: Need your Year In Review
JSL Enterprises: What for
IGGLES: Gives you open mike to bitch about your year
JSL Enterprises: I don’t have a computer its broken
IGGLES: Shouldve bought a computer instead of that ‘truck’
JSL Enterprises: I need to get to work
IGGLES: OK..team MVP?
JSL Enterprises: No answer
IGGLES: People questioning if u are going to do a review
JSL Enterprises: they must not be fans of me?!
IGGLES: Everyone is a JSL fan…come on!
JSL Enterprises: No answer
IGGLES: What u think ‘bout CHAMPS?
JSL Enterprises: Well I hated the negros when they were winning last year
IGGLES: So you hate me this year?
JSL Enterprises: Deegs I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IGGLES: What ya doin for New Years?
JSL Enterprises: nothiung
IGGLES: Good man you’re too old 4 new years
IGGLES: ur like 30 yrs old anyway
JSL Enterprises: SUCK IT DEGGEN!!!!!!!
JSL Enterprises: My computers broken who came in last
IGGLES: not smidgy
JSL Enterprises: I FUCKING LOVE SMIDDY!!!!!
IGGLES: WE ALL LOVE SMIDDY. Not sure he loves us. Haaaaa
JSL Enterprises: can I give my MVP 2 my whole team for not coming last
IGGLES: Yeah…and give me ur least valuable or most disappointing
JSL Enterprises: that with out say witten!! That’s why I traded him he was cancer on my team
IGGLES: Excellent! Any shout outs to the peeps
IGGLES: Any haters u have a message for?
JSL Enterprises: give shout out to my kickers there not just kicker let them know
JSL Enterprises: and mad niggaish for dropping D williams
IGGLES: Ill post tomorrow
JSL Enterprises: Thx
So it wasn’t much of a review but I guess we have to live with it. I’m not sure Jewfrey understand I was going to actually post the text messages. Haaaaaaa
Here are MFN’s Fantasy guidelines/rules:
Try to get at least 1 top 5 guy at every position
Drink early and often
Rank the top rookies – sometimes reach for them when drafting (this is like stealing & we like stealing at MFN)
Never ever pick the same guy from the year before…
Unless that man is MB3 or Chris Chambers
Never drink St Ides 40’s
Always take a riskier pick for a back up QB
Never draft a defense or kicker before round 13
Always buy Zig-zags and White Owl Blunts…NEVER EZ-Widers or Philly Blunts
Try not to sit near Smiddy at the draft
I mean we don’t even have to get past the 1st rule to see where the problems started. I remember being bombed for the weeks leading up to the draft but everyone was talking about “its no longer rb-rb league”, “take the best available”, “take wr–wr if you have to”, “don’t be afraid to reach for a QB”. It was “Old School” vs “New School”. I had been “New School” for so long that I got caught up in the hype. So I flipped it on them and I went “Old School” with my Clinton Portis and Marshawn Lynch picks.
This strategy served me well through 11 weeks - I was in 3rd place, in the money and happy as the SmidDawgs at a Lane Bryant Fashion show! Then we started down a slippery (NOT WIZARDS) slope. The whole team fell apart – Chris Chambers hurt not producing, MY MANCRUSH IS OFFICIALLY OVER WITH HIM; Jim Zorn decided he had a quarterback, HE DIDN’T; Tom Coughlin Decided he had better options than Jacobs, HE STILL DOESN’T; Plaxico Burress decided he is Gangsta, UHM NOPE; Chris Cooley believed his own hype, CAPTAIN CHAOS = MAJOR BUST; Philip Rivers decides to play later in the season, SUCK IT NORV; and basically the rest of MFN sucked after week 11, BAD COACHING/MANAGING/TEAM CHEMISTRY. We fell apart faster than the T.O. – ROMO – COMBOYS love affair.
As I said to the SmidDawgs in week 14, “I don’t care who finishes in last as long as it isn’t MFN”. I didn’t finish in beer bitch or in a dress and I came away with some new rules for my list. Overall a successful season.
As far as the rest of the league (some quick hits):
Dead beat dad risky draft with Fitzy and Warner but it worked out for you in the end. Brady’s leg injury was probably your saving grace. Don’t get me started on D’angelo Williams.
Sflabo is always wheeling and dealing. His war room door is open 24/7 365. Great moves and another outstanding draft.
Street Pharmacist I don’t know how you do it but every year you finish in the $$. I don’t know if it is your product but if so maybe I could get some?
Slippery Wizards as soon as you went to the Wizard Tree things started to turn around and you just kept climbing. Probably best at working the waiver wire.
Nacho Papa as always there is no budget with this team – Their Motto is “Spend Spend Spend” – very quiet this year, though.
D-Street Dirtballs started out flat with injuries and turned it on late in the year. Always falling just short of winning a week…way to go Dirtballs! P.s. maybe you mancrushs on Mcnabb and Westbrook will stop now that they fucked you with no Vaseline (I mean it’s not as bad as my mancrush on Chris Chambers but it is close)
MFN “FUCK YOU D’ANGELO WILLIAMS AND JONATHAN STEWART”, you 2 are no SMASH AND DASH – sorry I have had wayyyy tooo many 40’s.
JSL you started off hotter than a hooker with gonorrhea and just like Smiddy on a 1st date you blew your load way too early and way too often. Better luck next year.
SmidDawgs if you put in HALF as much of your energy into actually drafting your team as you do for rooting for them not to fail – you probably wouldn’t of been in the dress battle all year.
Defending Champs you were awfully quiet all year long. Not one hater remark in 17 weeks. Not your normal M.O.; I hope your comments start up again next year.
It was a fun long race.
I know we had the Iggles weekly reviews and his Costanza awards this year but it wasn’t the same on the actual ADSL message board. There was not enough ball busting in an open forum. I missed that this year. I hope we can insult each other a little bit more next year. I mean isn’t that one major component of fantasy football? Lets end 08 off right – SUCK IT DEAD BEAT DAD! There is only 8 more months till the draft but who is counting?
Sorry I gotta run Cadillac Williams is attempting to have a race with Tedd Ginn Jr, I told them to stop stealing my BLUNTS!
I give SFLABo a lot of credit, made some bold moves, trading Brees, sticking with Cutler, getting LT/TO etc and he was a Philly defense against the most overrated football team of my lifetime in the Cowboys from winning it all.
Streetpharm. , I thought for sure you had it wrapped up, but will you please take the VOODOO hex off my team ?!
Nothing like a good battle for the "dress" to bring out the best in Smiddy, nobody works a crowded barroom like this man, DCHAMPS you missed quite a show, you'd be happy to wear the dress if you were there.
Wizards ? What can I say, until the face of the franchise is out if the slammer, you'll fall on hard times. Good substitute with Cedric the entertainer though.
Papa you must have had some serious side bets going on, cause you were spending like one of Smiddy's girls at the Roxie, and I aint talkng the nightclub...I hope you won some of them.
Derek, man you must have pissed someone off, your team dropped out of site, kinda like DChamps.
JSL , the team with style ! Dont know where I got that, I just like Jeffrey !
My team, the Dirtballs, I could go on & on about injuries, etc , but I think Mr Gayle Sayers said it best, and it fits my team , when he said:
I'd like to say a few words about a guy I know, a friend of mine, his name is Brian Westbrook, and he has a heart of a giant, and that rare form of courage, that allows him to kid himself, and his manager, Bill Flaherty. He has the mental attitude which makes me proud to have a friend who spells out 'courage' twenty four hours a day, every day of his life. Now you flatter me, by giving me this award, but I say to you here and now, that Brian Westbrook is the man of courage who should receive the George S. Costanza award. It is mine tonight, it is Brian Westbrook's tomorrow. I love Brian Westbrook, and I'd like all of you to love him too. And tonight, when you hit your knees, please ask God to love him"
Please do not let me draft this man again next year, 2 out of 3 years is enough !
Another great year, excellent job as always Derek, great job Deadbeatdad (see no name) you kept it interesting all year.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Good times had by all. Can't wait for the next one!
A few thoughts on the season that was
I am happy that we will get a two for one with the dress wearing this year and hope nobody uses the name Defending Champs next year or ever again.
Just as glad we won’t have to see Smidawg in a dress. It goes to show if you hope and pray enough, Steven Jackson will reward you. Isn’t that what first round picks are supposed to do?
I thought JSL was going to run away with the title after winning back to back weeks in weeks 5 & 6, what happened? Too many side bets, lost sight of the big picture.
MFN did a great job being the Commish, as usual; your WRs shot you in the foot literally in a one case. You should have traded Jacobs for Jennings when you had the chance.
Dirtballs too many injuries early in the season to compete, coulda been a contender with any luck at all.
Nacho was a QB away from finishing in the money, still spent like the Yankees even after he was eliminated, you have like that.
Wizards very impressive 4th place finish without winning a week, still don’t pay the rent though, my only prediction: next year is your year to finish in the money.
Street Pharmacist got screwed by Marion Barber and the week 17 Colts, should be the champ.
SFLABO, I put together what I thought was the best team possible but still couldn’t get the job done. In the immortal words of Ricky Bobby, “if you ain’t first, you’re last.” But at least not wear the dress last. Remember, if Ricky Bobby were commissioner, only one team wouldn’t be wearing a dress, that’s a scary thought.
Finally, Deadbeatdad what can I say that you haven’t already said over and over again. Congrats and I’m glad the Philly Defense put you over the top, has to make one of us feel good.
See you next season.
1. The Friend of the Bartender
This guy saunters past the line, gives the bouncer a fist bump and makes a beeline to the bar to say a booming hello to his buddy the bartender. He laughs loudly and grabs the remote brazenly to do a “I know the bartender here” channel change. He talks loud enough for everyone in the bar to know that he, is the bartenders friend. He is important. He gets 10% off of draft beers. And he can change the channel himself. Because he’s friends with the bartender.
My thoughts: I think these people can be obnoxious at times, acting like they are the coolest thing just because they know the bartender. I mean we all know bartenders and dont act like this and we dont even get 10% off draft beers what the hell.
2. The Guy Who Pretends to Like You to Get Closer to Your Friend
You noticed him checking you out a trip to the restroom to share lip-gloss with your friend ago. He finally approaches your table and asks you the three inevitable questions: 1. Where do you live? 2. What do you do? 3. Is your friend single? You realize that he didn’t care that you are moonlighting, or that you live in a sweet little place in town, which has a gym and a killer pool. He pumped you for information to get closer to your hot friend. “Let me save you some time: She thinks you’re a douche. If you’re not buying a round, get the fuck away.”
3. The Girl Who Thinks Everyone is Hitting on Her
“Excuse me”, you say. She looks you up and down, gives a disgusted look and claims, “I have a boyfriend!” Relax bitch, I just asked if you could move your fat ass out of the way because I have to take a shit and you’re blocking the bathroom door.
My thoughts: Couldnt agree more with this one. Its not all about you hunny move the fuck out of the way.
4. The Business Card Guy
He got off work four hours ago, but is still in his suit and tie. He looks important. Business Card Guy sits alone at the bar and is constantly looking around for his fake date, who is invisible and thirty minutes late. Scrolling on his Blackberry, he strikes up a friendly conversationwith you, and you make a general remark about the dwindling economy and return to your rousing game of interactive bar trivia. “Give me a call if you’re ever in the market to make some extra green.” You begrudgingly pluck the business card that he is holding between his fingers like a cigarette and glance at it. Douche VonAwful of Pyramid Scheme, Inc. Naturally.
My thoughts: Couldnt agree with this one more again. Listen just because your in a suit dont mean shit, go the fuck home and change or be a man and plan ahead dummy. Nobody cares what you do for work really or that you carry business cards.
5. The Fat Girl With High Self Esteem
Sure, she has big cans, but she weighs a metric ton and has vascular disease. For some reason, she has unusually high self-esteem for such a Roseanne. She tries to create a diversion from her body by wearing oversized necklaces, earrings and bracelets, but this only makes her look like a cellulite ridden version of Mr. T, except with more facial hair and less scowly. In fact, this bitch appears to be happy. Spare me.
My thoughts: 2 words Bill Smiddy
6. The Guy Who Bums Your Last Smoke but Doesn't Inhale
“Bum a smoke?” He’s not really cute, but you haven’t talked to anyone all night. You reach for your Marlboro Lights and light up, then offer the last cigarette in the box to him, so that he knows it is your last one. Any real smoker would know the etiquette of never to bum a smoker’s last cigarette. “Thanks”, he says. It is then that you realize that this asshole is bumming a smoke as an excuse to chat you up. You watch as he raises the ciggie to his never oxygen deprived lips as if he were on Fear Factor. Just as you suspected. After a small suck, guy quickly blows a thick cloud of smoke out. The bitch didn’t inhale. Wasteful fuck.
my thoughts: Dont smoke dont really care
7. The Sunglasses At Night Guy
Possibly the worst offender. You and your girlfriends hit the dancefloor after “California Love” comes on. It is then that you see him. His black hair looks wet, he has Versace sunglasses on, long gold chains resting on his exposed pubey chest. Oh God. He mistakes your look of horror as a look of “Goddamn! That guy is so hot, my mouth just dropped open!” He shimmies on over to you and you almost choke from his Aqua Velva cologne. You turn to leave, but not before he gives you a pinky wave laden with gold and diamonds.
My thoughts: Whoever does this deserves a good swift kick in the ass for looking like a jackass.
8. The Drunk Guy Who Loves The Jukebox. And Music.
Guy at the jukebox. He loves music so much, he would let it go down on him. He has been generally moving to the beat of each song and rasps out a few “YOU! Shook me all night long!” Generally enjoying himself whilst making a complete asshat of his life. The song changes, you see his eyes light up, he holds his breath, hurridly taps his friends on the shoulders and notifies everyone that this is HIS song. “Who Let The Dogs Out?” Speaks volumes.
My thoughts: 2 words, Bill Smiddy
9. The Divorcee Who Is Socially Inept
He’s 47 and his wife of 18 years just divorced him. You would think he’d be looking for some ass, but he just wants to talk. Mostly about his ex-wife. Once he gets the hot 21 year old a Long Island Iced Tea, he knows he has her captivated at least for two long swallows. She seductively sucks on a marchino cherry from the bar but he doesn’t have a clue. After twenty minutes, hot 21 year old is letting this man sob into her extensions and offers a hand job to which he politely declines.
My thoughts: Unfortunately this one is probably going to be me haha.
10. Your Boss After You Called In Sick
You called in sick to work on a Wednesday to hang out with your buddy and spend the day drinking. Once 6pm rolls around, you guys are nicely toasted and head out to the local bar. After a pitcher and a basket of beer battered fries, you do a barf/burp and high tail it to the john to barf and make room for more beer. Once you stumble back to your bar stool, you hear someone calling your name. You deftly swing your head around and holler, “That’s ME!” After you wipe the spittle from your lips, you narrow your glassy eyes and realize it’s your boss. Shit. He doesn’t look happy. You offer a cough as if you were asking a question and put out your cigarette.
My thoughts: Get ready for your suspension dumbass
Hillary and Bill Clinton will be seeing 2008 off and ringing in 2009 in Times Square tomorrow.
Mayor Michael Bloomberg announced this morning, Tuesday, that the Clintons will be launching the ball drop at 11:59pm on New Year's Eve. Bloomberg selected the political pair because "Both together and as individuals, Senator and President Clinton have brought hope and opportunity to New York, to the nation, and to the world."
This year's ball is twice the size as last year's, but it is also 20% more energy efficient!
Weighing nearly 12,000 pounds and measuring 12 feet in diameter, the NYE ball is slathered in 2,668 Waterford Crystals. As the ball drops, the numbers 2009 (Each number is 7 feet tall, 5 feet wide, and weighs 500 pounds) will light up. The ball will commemorate the rest of 2009's holidays as well, including Valentine's and Halloween.
Watch CBS Videos Online
BUT THE B'S ARE 1st on the list!!
Here is Chrissy 1 month mustache update:
Tomorrow is New Years Eve and I still have no plans. I am just not feeling it this year. Does anyone have anything good going on? BUELLER? BUELLER? BUELLER? Make sure you make your New Years Resolutions and you stick to them.
Smiddy you should resolve to stay away from the bigguns!
Iggles you should resolve to trying to slip one past the Goalie, if you know what im saying...wink wink!
Jeffrey you should resolve to getting new amps and stickers for the STREET GLOW!
Los you should resolve to get a real dress from next years fantasy draft.
MJT you should resolve to making Mr. SinglePants available for all the ladies.
FrankBrown you should resolve to getting more shit done for the blog.
Chrissy you should resolve to letting that stache get real thick and bushy.
Welchie you should resolve to just living the American dream.
Broderick you should resolve to filling up the Wanna B's list.
Rio you should resolve to being happy.
Where are the names for the Wanna B's list people? I know you see them, with their new hats, their brand new Lucic Jerseys, wanting to talk about these new Bruins...where were they last year? I'm calling Bullshit!!!
Another year another disappointment for the Slippery Wizards, once again we finish out of the money and didnt win a week in fourth place. Wizards never blame anyone except THE MAN and this year that man is CARSON FUCKING PALMER. He got hurt and then wasnt even man enough to just call it a season and strung us along all year with a maybe he will come back move thus not allowing us to make a move until it was too late. On top of that he ruined the season for our stud wr tj housh a very controversial pick with the Wizards management. Matt Forte and Andre Johnson you were the studs this year with Andre the Giant picking up team mvp. Cedric Benson you will always have a spot in our lineup, a true wizard. Lamont Jordan we forgive you for making us take you 10th overall a few years back nothing gives us more joy than doing the sanford and son theme as you run LAMONT YOU BIG DUMMY, Dwayne Bowe its not your fault Thigpen has a gay thing for gonzalez, you're a wizard for life we will reach for you again next year. Larry Johnson you are still the STEAL OF THE DRAFT in our minds every year! Tatum Bell good to have you back we believe you in 09!! 2009 the year of the Slippery Wizards, probably not but we'll be back and ready.
Sadly, I must report a change in the management structure. Hong Kong Dave will no longer be part of the Slippery Wizards. Anyone who knows the wizards KNOWS that the term was first used to describe the original face of our franchise and true ULTIMATE WEAPON Michael Vick, "look at that guy he's like a slippery wizard out there" back in 06 when he rushed for 1000 yards for us. Well, when we had a board meeting and it was told to me that Michael Vick could not be the face of the franchise as he is the owner of two pitbulls he loves. WELL FANTASY FOOTBALL NEEDS TO BE NUMBER ONE IN YOUR LIFE SO MR HONG KONG DAVE YOU ARE NO LONGER PART OF THIS ORGANIZATION. I will be accepting applications for the assistant gm of the Slippery Wizards as soon as possible it comes with all kinds of perks both legal and questionable by the man that will be discussed in the interview process and not in this forum. Change people change.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Team sources told the sports Web site that medical staff brought in a stretcher, but Romo walked out on his own. He still participated in a news conference shortly after, but had to be helped to the podium.
ESPN reports that Romo may have suffered a rib injury in the second half of the game -- the Cowboys' biggest loss ever -- but Romo refused to answer questions about his health.
The former wrestler turned reality TV trainwreck was so drunk when was admitted, psychiatrists at the hospital weren't able to perform a psych evaluation.
Paramedics were called to Chyna's home in Burbank just before 5:00 AM. Saturday. She pAArtying it up for her bday with a few friends and had some drinks. A LOT of drinks, which reportedly didn't mix well with her prescription meds.
Friends found her passed out with cuts on her arms and were so worried, they called 911
Speaking from the hospital, Chyna says, "All I really want right now is a hamburger and fries right now."
Seems like another trip to rehab is in her future!
Happy 36th birthday!
1. DEADBEAT DAD
9. SMIDAWGS - Beer Bitch
10. DCHAMPS - dress wearing mofo
I will be sure to inform everyone where the draft is, just in case you want to see Los in a dress.
Now for last place…..we’ve talked about Karma a few times this year but to be honest I don’t like talking about her too often. Karma has a very poor sense of humor so at no time do I want to upset her. Apparently Defending Champs doesn’t feel the same….I guess that’s why they still haven’t paid their entire league entry fee (supposedly it’s in the mail), they spent all last year bragging about their team when CHAMPS didn’t even attend the draft and the Famous Frank Brown had to do the draft for them, and CHAMPS decided not to show yesterday even though they said they would. Lady KARMA gentlemen…….never upset her……and that is exactly what you did. First to Worst….good work kid! So enjoy your time in last place and happy dress hunting…..but from what I understand you won’t have any problems getting into the SWING of dress shopping. But just in case you need some help here are some links for you…….
Just In Case You Really Want To Get Into It:
Hips and Curves
Exotic Plus Size Lingerie
Congratulation DAWGS…..we told you people Sunday morning that it was the Day Of The DAWGS! They came out of the gate strong and never looked back. It was over before the 4pm games. Now for all you DAWGS haters out there I know you are disappointed but you just have to deal with the fact DAWGS is Beer Bitch next year. Get your orders in now because the line may be real long. But we are here to please the masses so for those of you that need to see DAWGS in a dress here is a peak at what you will be missing……
Now for the awards section. We had some strong contenders but this years Costanza of the Year Award was given to Madd Fucking Niggerish. NIGGERISH graciously accepted the award on his birthday. Congratulations NIGGERISH and Happy Birthday……
We weren’t really sure how to finish up the year. Writing out a season review could take forever and to be honest I’m just about typed out. So we thought a year in review with pictures would be quicker and easier on the eyes.
CHEERLEADER OF THE WEEK!
Talk about a camera whore…..Danielle Gamba. She’s posed for more pictures than Paris Hilton! Everytime I turned around we were finding another picture of her.
I guess that’s it. The Costanza Girls are exhausted and are going on a long vacation. Costanza Central signing off!