Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Week 4 recap

Week 4 is in the books and here to report it all is TMX the official fantasy reporting news agency of ADSL.

What a wild week it was in the fantasy/real world!! The group text has officially led to our first threat of bodily harm as the owners of Midnight Tokers were asking for home addresses!!! TMX made SEVERAL calls to midnight tokers for explanations but has yet to get a response!! The league is looking at an emergency owners meeting to see if threats are real and if Tokers team should be removed. Stay tuned!! TMX has also hired well known investigative reporter and former liason to Hank Philippe Ryan (hank on your side) WES CASH to keep track of the latest scandals. Mr. Cash is currently trying to track down funds owed by Black Dynamite from years past and why the WAGON isn't losing 10pts per week!!! The investigation is on going!!

This week saw a lot of movement in the standings due to the bye weeks and some teams having huge weeks. The weekly winner of 75 dollars in cold hard cash was newly named FYW with 176. Its FYW second straight victory and has brought him from 7th to 4th overall. FYW is riding the Andrew Luck train who is putting up 40 burgers each week and looking like an mvp caliber qb. Waiver pick up Asiata also had a huge week for FYW ( no idea what that means but its better than his last name so just go with it people). 2nd place this week was Slippery Wizards with 161. The Wizards rode a strong week by old man Frank Gore and Keenan Allen both of who he offered in trades all week but the numbers didn't match up according to Dave Richard or Dave Dick on the streets. Keep trying Wizards, trades are good for the league. 3rd place this week was DMC with 159. DMC is basically a two man show right now when Rodgers and Jordy are on - they are ON. 4th this week was Gramatron with 128 rumors are circulating that the league is looking into Gramatron's possible gambling addiction as he had 125 fanduel teams last week. This bears watching as the commish is looking to regain control of the league and may set the example here!! Gramatron got the majority of his points from not Jimmy Graham or Megatron but Muddy Rivers and Reggie Wayne!! 5th place this week was Romosexual who have the Texans d, Romo and waiver wire stud Kniles Davis taking the Romos in the right direction as they wait for injuries to heal!! 6th place this week were the Supah P's ( P contacted TMX to say he was flattered by being a name of a team, didn't have the heart to say your team is struggling in 9th but its early) Supah's had 118 led by Stafford and T. Williams yup who outscored Dez great play by the Supahs. 7th place this week was Dillons Villenz, oops autocorrect, Midnight Tokers with 104. Tokers had big guns on a bye and were obviously distracted by group text but still put up a hundo led by Murray who in a redraft may go number one guy, has been a machine. 8th place this week is the Beachbums with 103 led by Millar and Benjamin ( real nfl players I'm told) Beach bums have some waivers or trades to make as the qb situation continues to plague them. God Brady is really testing the patience of the BBums. 9th place this week with 99 points is Jackals. Jackals got a huge week from Antonio Brown and Jackals ownership continues to have a love affair with McCoy. Numerous trade offer refused as he hung on to mr 3pts total last two weeks. I guess cant expect anything but improvement?? Last place this week was Black Dynomite with 78pts. Tough week for "the wagon" with Manning on a bye. Black Dynomite is the first owner TMX has seen that is proud of his bench?? Actually praising its scoring and betting teams starters vs his bench??? For the record TMX has kept a running tally of his bench scoring 75, 112, 74 and 121 this week all of which did nothing to stop them from falling out of first to 3rd? Confused??  So is TMX!! 

 LETS MAKE SOME CALLS!! First call by TMX was to this weeks winners FYW mvp candidate Andrew Luck. Hey Andrew it TMX can we call you Andy or Dandy Andy?? " uhhm I went to Stanford call me Andrew" Well well lets tone it down Andrew we have members of our staff that attended prestigious schools as well, ever heard of UMASS followed by Cape Cod Community College after being asked to leave Umass?? " yeah TMX I'm confused with your questioning, do you have any real questions I'm busy putting up 40 burgers you know" Jeez Andrew your a little snooty, well smarty whats your team name mean FYW?? " Tmx look I respect what you do and I'm happy to be part of FYW but honestly I have no idea" Hmm didn't think so smarty. TMX 1- Smarty 0, in all seriousness thanks for your time Andrew I'm sure we will talk again. "yeah thank you, later" Wow tough interview. TMX next call was to the losing teams Jamaal Charles. Hey Jamaal great week coming back from the injury!! " you know it huge win!! Our management is putting us in the position to win this league!! I know its week four but we are on fire outscoring every team!!! Yo cobb pass me the champagne we got this thing wrapped up!! BENCHMOB FO LIFE" Uhmm Jamal you realize bench points don't count in the league and you are on the bench?? " yeah our management team wants its best players on the bench? its crazy!! but we are all on board got benchmob shirts and we had Brian Scalbrine in here giving us a bench player pep talk just last week!! Yo roddy great game!!!" TMX is literally speechless, well Jamaal good luck the rest of the way I'm sure we will talk to you again. " oh bet TMX love your work, anyone seen  Lions D?? got some champagne for them they lit it up!" Well there you have it. Lets get a look at the standings.

1. Slippery Wizards.....................................
2. Dmc.....................................................24pts back
3. Black Dynomite......................................38pts
4. FYW.....................................................40pts
5. The Jackals...........................................74pts
6. Midnight Tokers.....................................81pts
7. Grahatron..............................................88pts
8. Romosexuals..........................................89pts
9. Supah P's...............................................115pts
10. Beach Bums...........................................137pts

    Tons of movement early on in the season as FYW went from 7th to 4th, Slippery Wizards jumped to first as Black Dynomite's wagon fell to third. The waivers have helped teams move and trades have slowed down for an unknown reason. TMX is on twitter and myspace ( refuse to go to facebook, aint broke why fix it) so if you have any hot leads please hit us up. TMX will continue to bring the news and lead the investigation cuz we are here to help!! Good luck in week 5 and hope to stay injury free. Diggles I got your repeated request for interviews but legally we cannot talk until the court settlement is through. Carolina Creeping we see you. TMX out.

Monday, September 29, 2014

How come...

people don't have Halloween parties anymore?
I mean I miss the days when Chrissy would dress up as a gay cowboy. Or Jeffrey being the Beastie Boys from the Sabotage video.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. The MacPhails are celebrating their anniversary today. If you see them at Venus please buy em a shot.
2. Mike Foley must be really killing it down in NC since no one has really heard from him.
3. Speaking of not hearing from people has any heard from KevBarry??
4. Apparently, Padraig Calnan says that no one reads this blog and I am wasting my time. Hey writing is therapeutic.
5. Chrissy is back on track and down to 238. Don't hate on the chubby kid trying to get down to 228.
6. My wife informed me that she wants a 3rd dog, a Pomeranian. That is normal.
7. Papa Johns pizza sucks.
8. I think breakfast is under rated.
9. I do not understand how people work the over night shift. Every single time I have worked it, my week is messed up.
10. Nothing worse than hurting your hip.
11. The older I get the more and more I dislike this new hip hop music. I really am getting to be an old man.
12. Anyone know a good training regiment for The Tough Mudder? Calnan, Rob, Rio, Jeffrey and I are planning on doing Mt Snow in June. Hayes is on the fence.
13.What you know about belonging to the Y, asking for a friend?
14. I don't like fish but I sure as hell like fish tacos, you figure it out.

See you all next week.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

TMX is back


Tmx the premier fantasy news reporting outlet which is loosely affiliated with Folan.com the number 6 ranked internet media outlet is here with all your fantasy news!!! The FOUR PLUS HOUR ADSL draft has come and gone and so has weeks one and two. TMX is finally cleared of the legal hurdles we were forced to jump through over a pending lawsuit put forth by a person who COPYRIGHTED his name and will not allow us to use it or his small stature balled head likeness nor are we allowed to use "ALL IGGLES"( copyright pending*).

Quick recap over the summer our offices were approached by a lawyer named Jimmy Childs who apparently is the low budget lesser known brother of bigshot lawyer Jackie Childs ( who told you to strap a bomb?). Mr Childs informed us that  there were lawsuits pending by (copyrighted name who we will henforth refer to as DIGGLES). Mr Diggles was suing us for using his name and is in the process of copyrighting the All Iggles name so Jimmy Childs told us to "use that shit at your own risk, go ahead I dare you". TMX is not one to back down but the legal funds dwindling we decided to step away from the all Iggles lawsuits. Diggles can have it. Mr Childs you are correct in telling TMX you have the cojones.

Looking at each week TMX will have a you don't have the cojones player for each team. Enough about that and on to the latest news. TMX has seen the most panic waiver wire and sky is falling reactions from the league in years!! ITS WEEK 3 and we have people dress shopping. Speaking of which what a power move dress Supah P's owners showed up with at the draft! TMX instagram (please follow) has the pic up for those who want to see how losing should be done. We have also introduced the term TRADE RAPE to the fantasy world. TMX is totally against trade rape and if any team needs help in preventing such a thing ( crabtree for Wallace?) We all need to stop trade rapes!! See something say something!!!! Heres the breakdown of the current week!!

First place this week was worse team name in the league Los Put Your Nutsaway with a come from behind Monday night take over, 128 pt week led by a 45 burger from Andy Luck.  YOU scared? Sit this week was Broncos D putting up 14 while you started Panthers for 1pt??
Second place this week was new comers The Jackals with 126 losing by 2 points on Monday night, tough to take!! Jackals were led by strong wr corps Maclin and Brown. YOU scared?? Started McCoy (bust??) who had 2 pts and sat reggie smack my kids if I want bush who put up 18!!
3rd this week were the Romosexuals with 124 led by Wilson and sneaky draft day pick of Kniles Davis. YOU scared?? Leaving the bengals 19pts on the bench while starting Texans got you 6. 
4th this week was Slippery Wizards with 118 led by a 67pt Thursday night game from Ryan and Jones. YOU scared sat newly acquired red hot Foles 37 pts!!
5th this week were the Beach Bums Na-nu-na-nu ( tribute to robin Williams) also with 118 led by Sanders and Millar, the Bums like Williams seem a little down if you see him give him a hug or a rope depending on your feelings. YOU scared sat 43pt cousins in favor of the God Brady's 15.

6th place this week was Dirty Moon Crickets with 117 led by Pierre Garcon!! Guess DMC was scared to salsa with Cruz's 24 and stuck by Jordy and his 8!!
Coming in 7th with 115 were the Midnight Tokers. Tokers have the rb power couple Gio and Murray tearing it up. The reigning champ was quoted on draft day as saying " ha you morons just gave me the league again by letting me get these two". Guess he looks right but he was too scared to start Desean and his 25pts and instead went with harvin and his 7.
8th place this week was Gramatron with 107 pts. Gramatron led by neither graham or megatron but instead by Muddy Rivers and the colts d!  Guess he was too scared to start Floyd and his 18 and went with megas measley 11.
9th place this week was Supah P's ( a tribute to a long lost friend who was taken into the Pembroke swamps and never to be heard by TMX again. RI-supahP) he had 106 led by newly acquired Jennings (Trade Rape?) and Lynch who looks like an early MVP candidate. Guess he was too scared to sit Gates and his 1 point when he had Kelce and his 11!
Last Place this week was Black Dynamite with 98. Led by manning and bell . Looks like they got crabtree but were too scared to play him 19 pts but played Cobb and his 4!!

The overall standings after 3 weeks, and with Black Dynamite ( self proclaimed Wagon) winning first two weeks, are as follows.

1.Black Dynamite.................................................
2.Slippery Wizards............................................... 44 pts behind
3.The Jackals....................................................... 58 pts
4. DMC................................................................ 66 pts
5. Midnight Tokers.................................................69 pts
6. Romosexuals.................................................... 94 pts
7. Grahamatron.....................................................98 pts
8. Nutsaway..........................................................99 pts
9. Supah P's..........................................................116 pts
10. Beachbums......................................................125 pts

       Its  early in the season and obviously anyone's got a chance to win it.  The waiver wire is red hot and the trades are being offered. The bye weeks start this week which should mean even more movement on the wire and trade front. TMX is happy to be back and wishes that all the crazy injuries slow down, we lost quite a few guys in the first 3 weeks!! Good luck to all next week and DONT BE SCARED. Hey Jimmy Childs and Diggles. We back bitches.

Monday, September 22, 2014


It is the first day of Fall. You bitches know that I love the Fall season. I hate all the pumpkin everything but I love this season.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Apparently Kanes donuts in Saugus is where its at.
2. Calnan is sober, carb free and quite miserable.(Still hasn't had a weigh in for the weight challenge).
3. Chrissy gained 1.8 pounds in his work biggest loser challenge. Kids rocking 241.8.
4. The Kubie Krawl was yet again another success. Great turn out.
5. Ozzie is talking about a trip to Nashville to see the B's play in December, it may be on the big blue bus:

                                             (We take selfies get over it)

6. Hulk Hogan is not the only person who uses just for men on their beard.
7. Its funny to get messages once a week asking me when I am coming back to Facebook because they miss my daily posts.
8. Sorry ladies William J Smiddy is officially off the market, rumor has it he is actually moving in with his lady.
9. Fall means hot coffee for me, man this is taking some getting used too.
10. Everyone loves when someone tells you that you can not do something. Challenge accepted.
11. WWE is getting very generic lately. BORING!
12. Rumor has it TMX will be back this week. As of right now its just a rumor.
13. I do not really understand how people make crazy money on the fan duel.
14. Fucking Christmas is 3 months away. Get that shopping in fools.
15. Rio is officially moved into his house in Saugus. Party to follow, well after his furniture comes in.
16. Pulled pork burritos are fully under rated.

Work is kind of busy so I am gonna have to bail.
Have a nice week.

Monday, September 15, 2014

The bet

Soooooo Calnan has challenged me/bet me to see who can lose the most weight in a month. So we start tomorrow and go till October 17th. Total weight loss by percentage. The loser has to pose in a Halloween costume the winner picks out, The pictures will be posted on this blog for 6 months every week.

This is what i learned this week:
1. Chrissy is down to 240 from 248.8 in his biggest loser challenge at Coke.
2. Jeffrey has only been to the Cheesecake factory 3 times.
3. Are they terrible twos or terrors at three because my nephew is a menace.
4. There has been a Lauren Brady sighting, well on Instagram but still a sighting.
5. Rob hates #SelfieSundays.
6. The Ozone is just waiting on his cable and he will officially be a resident of Saugus.
7. Everyone has their own problems, remember that. You may not see them but believe me not everything is the fucking Cosby show.
8. Fantasy football is almost a 24/7 job now a days. I think next year I get in 1 league and thats all.
9. Speaking of fantasy - Pimpin aint Parise is back up and running. After a 2nd and 3rd place finish the last 2 years Ozone and I are taking our hockey talents to ESPN fantasy hockey.
10. Kristins cafe in Braintree is the shit. Best breakfast I have had in some time. It has like 40 different pancakes.
11. Sometimes when my mind wanders it goes all over the map.
12. I have no idea how people deal with having like 5 dogs. I can barely deal with 2.
13. Who the fuck eats orange marmalade?
14. Thanks Stop and Shop for a $32.24 full tank of gas.
15. Does anyone have any suggestions on stretching out your hips?
16. Never ever get unsalted pretzels. Thats just the devil's snack.
17. When are we planning on going to visit Mike Foley in North Carolina?
18. Has anyone seen Bill Smiddy? I asked him to hang out this past week and he no call no showed me.

Thats all I got for now.

Hope you all have a nice week.

I will see most if not all of you at The Kubie crawl this Saturday. Show up in Southie for a good cause.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Lets roll

I am so glad that football is back. Something to watch all day Saturday and all of Sunday.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Never knew Roslindale was 15 minutes from Quincy.
2. I am not all that good at the Can Jam.
3. Sometimes a nice night chilling on your couch is the best thing.
4. Has anyone see Calnan rocking his Michael Sam Cowboy jersey?
5. What is better bar pizza - Cape Cod Cafe, Emmas, Town Spa or the Linwood Cafe?Dont even bring up Santarpios.
6. I have tried the almond milk in my iced coffee. It aint good.
7. Why is it you text Smiddy all week long and he gets back to you maybe once? You know that mother fucker is reading all them messages.
8. What is worse, as an adult, an ear infection or a tooth ache. Either way im crying like a bitch.
9. Running a mile under 12 minutes makes ya feel good.
10. Four  fantasy leagues may be wayyy too many. Like at least 2 too many.
11. I can still not make gravy, to this day. Everytime I try its nasty as fuck.
12. Chrissy started a Biggest Loser Challenge at work. He started 2 weeks ago and weighs in on Monday afternoons. Initial weight - 253.4 and the 1st weigh in was 248.8(last week). I will update it each week so that we can show our support.
13. How come none of you twerps helped Mario with painting his new house? Hope you arent invited to his first BBQ.
14. What is worse than craving a certain food - Chinese food, Mexican food, KFC or anything and then after you eat it you feel so dissatisfied?
15. The 1st supper club of the year was a success. What should be make for next week?
16.Grumpy Whites no longer carries onion rings. So there is no longer a reason to go there.
17. Only 30 days till hockey season but who is counting?
18. Rio has started his PLAYOFF BEARD ALREADY!!(Im sure he will have to shave it off for Cataldos wedding).
19. This new voice to text feature is something. I can literally tape what I want to say and send it along - WATCH OUT WORLD!
20. If you are gonna have a party, make sure you get Tim Barrett on the list. He can and loves to cook up a storm. Dude brought home made kettle corn to Devitos house warming party.
21. Mike Foley is living the high life down in North Carolina.
22. I can not wait for the Fall weather. It makes me happy.

That's all I got for now.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014


Looky looky looky September came roaring in like a mother fucker. Hot as balls out there and the humidity ain't helping.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Hong Kong Dave wants these things wiped off the map:
2. Sun burns suck more than anything but peeling ain't much better.
3. Minot beach in Scituate ain't too shabby. Even though I smashed my ass on the ground.

4. I think turkey burgers get a bad wrap. I mean a good quality turkey burger not some frozen patty.
5. What is harder - running with blisters, running on the sand, running on rocks or running in 91 degree temps.
6. This may sum up why the draft is no longer at Barrett's house:

7. I accidentally left Chrissy off of the #sundayselfie text group this week and I honestly felt bad.
8. Whats the rules for fighting with your mother in law? Do you let it go or do you turn the other cheek? Asking for a friend.
9. If you have seen Flipping Boston, doesn't the English guy Dave, remind you of Smiddy?
10. According to Mike Foley anyone who wants to come down to North Carolina for a quick getaway, he has a 2 bedroom apartment and nothing but time.
11. I am pumped that football is back, both college and the NFL.
12. If you call my phone 100% I am sending you to voicemail. I do not want to chat to anyone. Text a mother fucker.
13. Still Face Book free and actually I love it. Facebook free = stressfree/bullshit free.
14. Ronin may or may not of stretched/strained/pulled but not tore his right rear ACL
15. I have a bet vs Calnan Mike Evans vs Brandin Cooks. NFL NUMBERS FOR $50.
16. Team Salad is still in effect!