Tuesday, December 27, 2011

TMX week 16

Week 16 is in the books and TMX is here to report about it.

Tmx is a fantasy reporting agent, no longer affiliated with folan.com, which reports up to the minute fantasy football news. Tmx is COMMITTED to 32% TRUTH in all reports. There is one week left in the ADSL fantasy league and we have nothing decided!! The race for the top is going to come down to who plays more Brady or Brees and the race for 3rd place has four teams fighting for the money. Tmfntm is holding off No Legs by 6; SflaboHfrw by 17 and Hoodsie by 45. The beer bitch race has L8nite menu leading his bitter rival Dillonz Villenz by 29!! The races may come down to the last NFL game of the year!! The 8:30 game featuring Tmfntm Holy Romo and Villenz Eli Manning could be what decides both races. Tons of questions as to who's playing who and who has players that need to win. Tmx mailbag was full of questions from Tebowmania asking when is Tmfntm gonna roll out Tim Tebow is this the week? Another popular mailbag topic was the ever popular "hammy dance".

 Hammy dance originator Team Jerkshots lost his star rb Adrian Peterson and alot of Tmx watchers wanted his reaction. Tmx made several calls to Jerkshots owners including the Notorious J.E.B and Wes Cash they are continuing their boycott of Tmx and rumors are rampant that they are looking into legal action to get Tmx shutdown. Tmx response to that: Jackie Childs aint walking through that door and if he did well he's just an actor on Seinfeld so it wouldnt matter. Now onto this weeks winner coming on strong Team No Legs with 151.5. No Legs has been in the money or close to it every year so its no suprise. He like everyone else jumped up this week as Tmfntm took a huge hit with a ZERO from Holy Romo. We made numerous attempts to call No Legs but have no active phone for the owner so we sadly we were unable to get his reaction to the big victory!!
We did however talk to former owner of Team Mung who informed us he has been giving advice left and right and said "Slippery Wizards should have clinched the league by now with all the advice I've given him, told fool not to play Redskins d and go with RAIDERS, I want back in" Duly noted Team Mung Tmx is on your side.

Now onto what Tmx is here for TO HELP!!
This weeks last place team was Dillons Villenz the totals are as follows:
Manning 13
Mathews 7.5
Mccoy 4.5
Gaffney 16
Green 5
Gresham 13.5
Janikowski 10
Giants D 19 for a decent total of 88.5. Look its the last week of fantasy and Tmx has counseled the Villenz several times its basically put up or shut up time. He's got a good group of players who have to win including his Qb and he has a wr going against the pourous Pats d. Mccoy needs to be watched and Mathews as well but Tmx cant put the players in it only tells you to monitor who's against who that being said Villenz has a shot to make his way out of the beer bitch position but it wont be easy Tmx has inside sources that L8nite menu has taken the week off and was up all night screaming at Matty Ice he is fully invested in taking down his arch rival.

Tmx made a call to Villenz team MVP Lesean Mccoy. Hey buddy its your old friends at Tmx how you feeling? "Tmx whats going down? Man I sprained my ankle I was gonna take out Wilbert Montgomery's rushing record next week now I'm not sure if I'm going to play" Wait are you giving Tmx and exclusive scoop that you are sitting? " haha Tmx you crazy. Andy Reid will decide if I take out the record or not but you know I want to, I thought Randall Cunningham had the record I dont even know this old goat is so if they let me break it I will stay tuned" Well Villenz you heard your Mvp. STAY TUNED. Biggest decision of your season to follow hope you get to the wire and grab some insurance.

Now onto the All Iggles:

QB-M.Vick 24pts (L8nitemenu)
RB- D.Williams 20pts ( Tmfntm)
RB- S.Jax(Devils) & K.Smith( Villenz) 18pts
WR- R.Wayne 25pts (No Legs)
WR- M. Floyd 18pts (Devils)
TE- J. Cook 31pts (L8nite Menu)
D- Lions 19pt (Villenz)

The All Iggles were held to a modest 155 pts this week but L8nite Menu and Villenz put some good numbers up for Iggles. Important week for those two cant afford to have any points left for the Iggles. L8nite refused to give Cook the start despite two good weeks and now has to decide if he Witten is finally going to come through. Tmx is guess he will in the biggest game of his season. Here's hoping next week is the week we keep the Iggles under 120!! The pickup of the weeks saw Gaffney and Orton put up decent numbers but goes this week to Sflabohfrw pickup and start of J. Stewart. Gutsy call for the owner of Cam Newton to get his rb but it came through with a td and double digit fantasy points. Congrat Sflabo and Stewie gonna need some more magic this week. The Tmx player of the week was hotly contested with Brady,Welker, Julio Jones bailing out Tmfntm, the usual Beach Bum duo of Breesy( congrats on the record) and Foster, Hoodsies team Mvp Stafford and suprising pickup Spiller, also Victor Cruz but the Tmx player of the week is Jordy Nelson. The guy keeps making plays. Congrats No Legs on picking him up to replace Amendolia or whoever that guy was only thing he did all season was buy a round of shots at the draft.
Well this is the week we play for sadly the league wont be meeting up as the commish is working but we have plans to meet up during the playoffs. Best of luck to everyone in the most important week of the season also to the teams that havent won a week lets hope this is the week and to everyone who hasnt paid. PAY UP BITCHES. Tmx out.

Happy New years

Man, there are only 4 days left in this year. Then we can close out the year of MJT. I hope, as always, that the next year is better than the last.

Lets see what I learned this past weekend:
1. People need to stop busting my balls if I don't post things I've learned on Monday. Sometimes there is a holiday and I am not turning my computer on.
2. Almost 50% of all the money in circulation are $1 dollar bills.
3. Andy Reid has never had a shut out in 207 games.
4. Iggles puts up Christmas lights. I thought that dude was an atheist?
5. The Skza gets a Movado watch and scratched it in 15 minutes.
6. Abe Lincoln bought 50 cents worth of cocaine in 1860.
7. People are gearing up for the Yankee Re-gift swap on January 14th.
8. Should I be as excited as I am about buying $4.00 books for my kindle?
9. People still call other people dipshits? Rio does.
10. Why has no one bought me bacon of the month?
11. Mike is celebrating my birthday  today, he likes to move it around and celebrate different days.
12. Rio is secretly in love with IKEA. Guess what budso the secret is out.
13. How come Julie Nickerson comes home from LA LA land but she doesn't call anyone to hang out or meet up for beers?
14. Just because you win the Superbowl in fantasy football doesn't mean you are getting paid until all the cash is in.
15. How can you wait 6-8 weeks for new furniture just to have the wrong color come in? Then the store act like they are doing you a favor by not charging for delivery for the correct furniture that I have to wait another 6-8 weeks for?
16. Do people still go out for New Years? I mean besides heading to Trinity of course.

Well until next year...have a nice and safe week/weekend!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Merry Christmas

I hope everyone has a Very Merry Christmas.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Week 15

Week 15 is in the books and Tmx is here to report it LIVE from a jam packed SSSC Complex.
Tmx is a fantasy reporting agency COMMITTED to 35% truth in all reports.

This week at the Complex we had owners from Team Hoodsie, mouse clicking Villenz Dillonz, former owner Team Mung and the usual crew including head security Ronan sniffing down Julien. Ro never takes a day off!! Eddie Pinnette had another Derek Hernandez day party to attend and was probably running a Stanford route. Food was great, laughs were a plenty and the Slippery Wizards spent most of the day curled up in a fetal position as his team is running out of gas and 2 time defending champs beach bum is putting up monster numbers. Beach Bums had the win this week with the highest total of the season 189. He made every right move and got big games from all his players. The lead is down to a measly 100pts as he made up 50 this week and with the Slippery Wizards matchup problems the Bums have to be the favorite. The second hottest race is for beer bitch as L8nite menu is up 24 on his hated rival Villenz. We contacted Beach Bums owners at a secluded compound where he makes all his championship moves. Hey Beach Bums this is some set up like a war room. "wait howd you get in here you have to leave this is how I dominate this league, leave NOW" Whoa whoa easy pal, just checking in, hey is that at HE HATE ME shirt your wearing from the old Xfl days?

"yeah it is my good friend Hoodsie got it for me, said the league had my team up on the computer all day and hates me I guess? I find it funny but you have to get out of here and NOW" Ok, Ok, we are leaving good luck on the rest of the year and nice war room you're really on top of this. Wow like a fantasy football batcave with monitors and projections everywhere, guess thats how you get in position for a 3 peat!!

Now onto what Tmx is here for TO HELP. This weeks last place finisher was Jerkshots, the dismal totals are as follows:
Dalton 5pts
Helu 7.5pts
AP 6pts
B.Marshall 14.5pts
Welker 6pts
Wislow 7pts
Bailey 7pts
Bengals D 11 pts for a total of 64pts.

Team Jerkshots was a few points out of 3rd place back in week 9 and poised to make a run now the only thing they can make a run for is a weekly win and in a FIRST since Tmx has been breaking news the Jerkshots had EVERY PLAYER on his bench outscore his starters. I know its late in the season and alot of teams are thinking and overthinking who to play but sitting studs at this point is never a good move. A tweak here or there and maybe risk a play but the entire bench outscoring the starters is painful on all levels. Tmx is hoping a weekly win is in the cards but the right players have to be out there for it to happen. Tmx made a call to Darrius Heyward-Bey to see how he feels being on the bench. Hey Bey-bey-bey its Tmx whats good? "oh for reals? Tm-motherbleeping x!!! I heard bout y'all am I player of the week? If I am I'm gonna do shots out of Dmc boot, dude's still out but Bey-bey bey is balling!!" No you didnt get player of the week you were on the bench " what? fool dont wanna win? Me and Palmer are the new Montana to Rice ya heard!!Bey OUT" Well apparently DHB thinks he's got potential to win Jerkshots a week but Tmx is just hoping he makes the right plays or prays to Tebow for help. Lets go Jerkshots win a week.

Now onto this weeks All Iggles Team.

QB- Tebow 27pts ( Tmfntm)
RB- Sjax/F.Jones 18.5 ( White devils)
Rb- Lil Darren Sproles 18.5 ( Slippery Wizards)
WR- Burleson/Floyd 17.5 ( Jerkshots/ Devils)
WR Heyward-Bay 29 (Jerkshots)
TE Celek 28.5 ( Jerkshots)
D-Seahawks 32 (Tmfntm)
K- Tony Franklin

Well the All Iggles have done it again coming in at 171 but the Beach Bums even beat the all star team so thats the good news the bad news is Jerkshots gave the Iggles almost 80pts!! 80pts he could have used! I guess holding the Iggles under 100 isnt going to happen this season so this week we will shoot for 120? Lets make the right plays and ruin Iggles Christmas ( he doesnt celebrate it but you get the idea). This week we didnt have many pickups Wizards grabbed Cards D for little gain and his kicker wears Prater also for little gain and Devils made a move on Grant who didnt have a big game but L8nite Menu went for it and grabbed Kahil Bell the bears backup running back who had an awesome game out of nowhere. Congrats Mr. Bell and L8nite Menu on the Pick up of the Week; This weeks Tmx player of the week had alot of big names and big numbers, Megatron exploded with Stafford, CJ Spiller stepped it up, Mccoy saved the day for VIllenz, Jerkshots entire bench went off and Beach Bums every starter as well. The Tmx player of the week goes to Drew Brees who put up a 50 burger and is making a case for league MVP for the Beach Bums. Congrats Brees and Bums on your award. Tmx will not be live at the SSSC Complex due to the holidays, Tmx wishes each team a healthy and happy holiday and maybe Jerkshots or Hoodsie will finally get a weekly win for Christmas. Cheers. TMX out..

The Hobbit

Monday, December 19, 2011

Im giddy

I don't know why I am so giddy. Maybe it's people praying to Tebow during SSC or the fact that its Christmas week or my 34th birthday is next Wednesday or that I am heading to the Bruins vs the Habs game tonight but damn it, as Diddy Says, Can't no Body Hold me down!

This is what I learned:
1. What happens at SSC does not stay at SSC; Jeffrey "Dime Bag" Lundrigan is on the prowl.
2. Shaun Larry turned 28 today. Buy him a Pearl Harbor next time you see him.
3. The fat content of chocolate does not raise the level of cholesterol in the human blood stream.
4. A guy wrote a book about him banging a dolphin, No it is not Chrissy. Its called Wet Goddess. Yes I just puked in my mouth a little bit.
5. Rubbing vodka on a jellyfish sting makes the pain stop! What a waste.
6. Sovereign Bank still uses envelopes for ATM deposits.
7. Rio has a 55 inch flat screen and has yet to hook it up.
8. Spring time cleaning in December is highly under rated.
9. Pornography is derived from the Greek word meaning "the writings of prostitutes".
10. Hamburger meat from a single steer will make about 720 quarter pound hamburger patties. Man that makes me hungry.
11. Jeffrey is looking for a blocker for xmas. I already finished my shopping.
12. Stephen Kings " Bag of Bones" on A & E was not all that interesting.
13. The first real cold spell at work sucks.
14. Big Bob got his ring:

Hope everyone has a nice safe drunk Christmas.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

TMX week 14

And down the stretch they come!! Week 14 is in the books and Tmx is here to report all about it!!

Tmx is a fantasy reporting media COMMITTED to 54% TRUTH in all its reports. Reporting LIVE from the SSSC complex where we learned Eddie Pinnette and Ronin security is alive and well. The Green Bay offense starts in the red zone and white shirt and pasta causes problems. There are 3 weeks left in the season and its time to go all out! Our esteemed commissioner doesnt believe in playoffs so we are playing out the season unlike most leagues. I'm sure the Slippery Wizards wished the season ended last week as his end to end first place lead is coming under fire!

Are his Patriot duo of Brady-Gronk going to choke like the undefeated team? Can he hold off the Beach Bums, Sflabo, No Legs and Tmfntm who are getting hot at the right time. Will the stars play out the last three weeks? We already saw Aaron Rodgers head to the bench for the entire fourth quarter. There were a number of injuries especially hitting L8nite Menu as his rb and wr went out this week at the worst possible time and the red hot Villenz are now just 25 points away from getting out of beer bitch!! The devils are 150 points behind to get out of the dress and have scored under 70 3 of the last four weeks so unless Big Ben and Mendy get hot they are in deep trouble. The SSSC complex crew is in agreement that reaching 100pts no longer does it in the league you got to get over the 100pt barrier to make any headway! This weeks winner for example was Sflabohfrw with 177! A dominant week where 6 player put up over 20pts!! He is peaking at the right time and has Ray Rice with the easiest rb schedule over the next 3 weeks!! Tmx called Sflabo and his only comment was " You tell Slippery Wizards its now how you come to the party, its how you leave it." Guess Sflabo thinks the Wizards maybe a little to comfy at the bar, we shall see. Tmx attempted to contact members of Sflabo's team but the GM has a team wide gag order with no one talking to Tmx?

Its hurts to hear of such a gag order but now onto what Tmx is here for- TO HELP.
This weeks last place team in need of help is L8nite menu the totals are as follows:
Vick 12
M.Bush 15.5
Murray 2.5 (one broken ankle)
Crabtree 9.5
Jennings 3 ( one torn mcl)
Witten 2.5
Gostkowski 10
Ravens D 14
for a meager total of 69 points.
Tmx has put off Christmas shopping and dedicated itself to helping teams win weeks.Tmx is disappointed that in reaching out to L8niteMenu on Thursday and asking if he was starting Brown he was met with " nah Crabtree, steelers are gonna run all over the Browns" well 28.5 points later it looks like Brown was the right play. Tmx understands the need to start your stars but with Mike Vick coming off an injury first game back and wr's hurt all over it seemed like Matty Ice was the safer play and the 41pts proved it was probably the better play. The bench for L8niteMenu scored 90pts! This time of year 90pts is way too much to leave on the bench and now after being in 3rd place in week 6 L8nite is in a dogfight to stay out of beer bitch with his bitter rival the Villenz. Tmx contacted L8nite GM and his was more quiet than usual just saying "I'm fucked but no way am I letting Villenz take over 8th place, not going to happen even if it means I start doing hammy dances in that kids grill"!
Whoa, whoa Tmx does not and has not ever approved of hammy dances Tmx understands your upset over losing 2 starters to injury but lets try and settle this with healthy players. "Tmx I respect what you do but now its go time, I'm out and I'm calling Mike Vick RIGHT EFFING NOW" Wow one fired up GM. Tmx decided to also call a L8niteMenu QB but not Mike Vick, we called Matt Ryan. Hey Matty Ice its Tmx what's up? " Hey Tmx love your work you guys never call me whats up?" Well you put up 41pts on the bench this week kinda wondering how you feel about that. "golly, I dunno I'm just out here slinging it to Julio Jones, Roddy and one of the greatest tight end in history how can I not put up numbers" Yeah guess that sums it up. Thanks for your time Matty. Well, L8nite its time to hit the wire and then make the right moves here on out because the fight is on. Now onto this weeks All

Iggles team:

QB- Matt Ryan (L8niteMenu) 41pts
RB- B. Jacobs (Hoodsie) 27pts
RB- D. Williams( Tmfntm) 14.5pts
WR-A. Brown ( L8niteMenu) 28.5pts
WR J. Jones (Tmfntm) 28.5pts
TE O. Daniels ( No Legs) 18.5pts
D Eagles D (Beach Bums) 30pts
K Mason Crosby ( Devils ) 16pts- even Tony Franklin takes a backseat to a 16pt kicker performance

The Iggles exploded this week with Mason Crosby putting them over 200 with a whopping 204. This keeps up Iggles may want back in the league! The season is winding down but the Iggles continue to get huge numbers off the benches! Its time to tighten it up as the races are as close as they have ever been. The waiver wire has some gems and this past week we saw a few teams grab defenses ( Devils you listening) that made an impact as well as Crabtree having an ok game but the pickup of the week goes to the Villenz who grabbed the Detroit D for a whopping 30pts!! Good job Villenz.

The Tmx player of the week was hotly contested affair Gronk's 36, the whole Sflabo team getting 20 plus, Romo finally stepping up, Fitzy somehow coming thru with Rex Skeleton at qb, Sjax pulling of 19.5 to keep the Devils out of last was an option but the winner with a 4 td 40 burger performance was MJD. Pocket Hercules coming through huge for Tmfntm and helping him push to the top! There are 3 weeks left and anything can happen just look at this week with Sflabo making up 50pts. The top and bottom are up for grabs so lets stay healthy and play the right plays this week!! TMX out

Monday, December 12, 2011

Tis the season

I've had requests for my Tequila Christmas Cake recipe so here goes.

1 cup sugar

1 tsp. baking powder

1 cup water

1 tsp. salt

1 cup brown sugar

Lemon juice

4 large eggs


1 bottle tequila

2 cups dried fruit

Sample the tequila to check quality. Take a large bowl; check the tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the tequila is still OK. Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck iin the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the tequila. Now shift the lemon ice strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 s and try not to fall over. Get up, check tequila. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.

Cherry Mristmas!

12 days

There are only 12 shopping days left till Christmas. I hope that you are all on your way to getting your shopping lists wrapped up. Just a reminder I am a size 2 XL, Jeans 38 x 32 and a size 12 for some new kicks. If you really get stumped I like white t shirts.

Lets see what I learned this weekend:
1. Love is blossoming in the land of RIO, Shopping trips to NYC is the cherry on the top of the whip cream:
2. Apparently it's the thing to do; Get a T shirt that says I LOVE (Your name here) and rock it out.
3. Everyone is saying how Rhiannas new Cd is fucking great and its unlike anything she has done before. Well the 2 songs I have heard just ain't doing it for me.
4. Tons of adults have seen the Muppet's movie and love it...BORK BORK BORK!!
5. Little kids love to pull on my beard and smack me in the face.
6. Jeffrey is not a fan of people calling Julian, J. He is too cute to have just J as a nick name. 
7. Rio had his first taste of French onion soup on Friday and he was instantly hooked.
8. Speaking of Friday, I was highly disappointed that there was not a lot of people shopping for the holidays. I mean no more than a regular Friday night.
9. What an early Christmas gift this is; just kicking around in your glovie:

10. Jeffrey gets in his Christmas spirits with fancy shoes, borderline feminine shirts and his chest hairs blazing. Basically he looks like a coke dealer in 1981.
11. I got a bad case of the Mondays today.
12. 2/3rd of American men prefer boxers to briefs.
13. The venom of a Black Widow spider is 15 times more potent than that of a Diamond back rattlesnake.
14. If I send out a list of available Bruins tickets for this upcoming season in September, what would ever make you think I had any still available in Decemeber? I am talking to you Mungo?
15. Crockpots will make people start fights at Yankee swaps.
16. I have always loved the Cheesecake Factory but I would like to attempt to try everything on the menu. Just start at the 1st page and then see how long to get to the 45th.
17. I can not just watch one football game. Its garbage!
18. Baby boys clothes at Baby Gap is way better than baby girls. I mean 120% better.
19. My 34th birthday is 16 days away but really who is counting?
20. They sell this bad ass at The Baby Gap for $100(you squeeze it and it makes Chewey noises):

Only 19 days left in the year. What is everyone doing for New Years Eve? Are we going to Trinity again? I am sure Paps can get us a good deal.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Week 13

Week 13 is in the books and Tmx is here to report all about it!!

Tmx is a fantasy reporting media COMMITTED to 60% truth in all our reports. The home stretch is here there are four weeks left in the season and the standings are tight. Villenz is making a push to bring some separation from the Devils and wearing the last place dress! He is up 85pts and may have his sights on 8th place and getting out of beer bitch too!! The road wont be easy former champs Devils arent going away lightly and have huge Thursday night action this week. The race for the cash up top is as tight as ever. Sflabohfrw fought through losing star rb Forte and rode the arm, legs and catching of Cam Newton to push toward the top, Tmfntm also jumped into the race with a nice week and begs the question is it TEBOW TIME for Tmfntm? No Legs, Beach Bums and Slippery Wizards are in a shootout with the arms of Rodgers, Brees and Brady going toe to toe. The middle of the pack is all separated by less than 100 points so the right moves are crucial at this point. This weeks winner was old friend Slippery Wizards. Tmx made a brief call to the GM. Hey its Tmx nice win this week held off a late charge by Sflabo you must be excited. " Tmx let me tell you what would be exciting if the Nfl would stop trying to screw the Slippery Wizards. You saw God Brady throw the ball to Gronk. A lateral PASS to the outside that he ran in and they say it wasnt a pass?

I'm calling the commishner" Uhhm you realize you won the week and those points didnt matter. " This interview doesnt matter, Im OUT" Well thats probably the quickest interview from the Slippery Wizards Tmx is grateful. Tmx called good friend and newly aquired Slippery Wizard Marshawn Lynch to ask about the victory. Hey Beast Mode its your pals at Tmx whats good? " Oh Tmx I'm having the time of my life. Best locker room ever. Dez showing his ass, Brady and that other big white guy bringing in supermodels, lil Darren Sproles sneaking under the supermodels dresses. Megatron running routes grabbing me skittles its awesome glad I'm here" Well its sounds it whats that screaming in the backround though? " oh that? thats our crazy owner whining and bitching again like we are in last. Something bout losing 6pts and no 400yd bonuses who knows we just ignore him. I gotta run got a big game this week. BEAST MODE out. Well there you have it. Slippery Wizards running the show.

Now back to what Tmx is really here for TO HELP. This weeks last place team was team Hoodsie, the totals are as follows:
S. Bradford 25pts
A. Bradshaw 4pts
C.J. Spiller 16.5
L. Fitzgerald 7pts
A. Johnson 11pts
V. Davis 5.5pts
Nugent 1pt
Pats D 10pts for a decent total of 80pts.

Team Hoodsie has been hanging around the top and making moves all season to stay there but a few injuries has knocked him from 4th to 6th this week. Tmx did extensive research and looked at all the data on Hoodsie and in order to get back to the top 3 he has to play his healthiest players and avoid having his players hit with the deadly hammy dance. Its clear to the entire league that the hammy dance has been aimed directly at Andre Johnson since day one. No one has ever seen a double hammy injury in the history of ADSL. Somehow, someway he has to reverse the dance and he only has 4 weeks to do it. Tmx gave Tmx regular Andre Johnson a call to see if he knew how to reverse the hammy dance. Hey Andre the Giant its Tmx remember us? " yeah dog Tmx my people whats up, man I cant stay healthy this season dont know what it is" Well have you heard of "the hammy dance" its a dance aimed a players to hurt them invented by a team in ADSL? "what? someone is doing a dance to hurt me? aint that some shit? whyyyyyyyyyyyyyywhyyyyyyyyyyyyyy me? I'm kidding that was my Nancy Kerrigan. Come on only dance I do is the Dougie oh and I do the electric slide and macerana at weddings white ladies love that but I've just run into some bad luck Tmx no way no ones cursing me. I gotta go to get some rehab to get back and help my team. HAHAHA hammy dance Tmx you kill me. Later man." Well the hammy dance willl continue to be a mystery that Tmx is bound to get to the bottom of and if the lawyers can work it out may be able to speak with an exclusive of the inventor of the dance. If anyone can do it its Tmx. Hoodsie you got your work cut out for you and if you can stay healthy and Bradford can carry you like the other big name qbs you have a shot to make it to the top 3. Good luck.

Now onto the All Iggles:

Qb- Alex Smith 23pts ( Sflabohfrw)
Rb- Shonn Greene 29.5pts ( Slippery Wizards)
Rb- R.Bush & Mcgahee 21pts ( Beach Bums)
Wr- Percy Harvin 37pts ( Beach Bums)
Wr- Pierre Garcon 36.5pts ( Hoodsie)
Te- Tony Gonzalez 18.5pts ( Sflabohfrw)
D- Steelers 21pts ( No Legs)
K- Tony Franklin

Wow and WOW the All Iggles stepped it up this week with 186.5. Beach Bums loaded up on All Iggles both his rbs made the team and his wr led the team with a whopping 37pts is he finally repaying the All Iggles back for a lopsided trade? Who knows but in the final four weeks he may want to play the bench and bench the starters!! All Iggles player of the year Tony Gonzalez is back after a brief absence, he cant be stopped, well of course unless he's started by Sflabohfrw. Not to pile it on but had Sflabo started the All Iggles player of the year he would have won the week. Somewhere former Iggles owner is smirking as we know he doesnt laugh! Four weeks left lets try once to get the Iggles under 100!! This weeks pickup of the week came from a few teams who know the value of using the wire. Tmfntm took a swing at Deangelo and he didnt produce but good try; Hoodsie grabbed Mo Morris Mo Problems for your defense and he had a decent game but Jerkshots controlled the wire with a great pickup of the Denver D and with the Pickup of the Week Roy Helu!! Helu filled in for the injured AP and put up AP numbers!! Great job Roy and Jerkshots.

This weeks Tmx player of the week had a host of the usual suspects- Rodgers, Brady, Foster, Brees, BOTH rbs on Tmfntm, old friend Welker, Manning, Marshawn and Rice all put up huge numbers but the player of the week goes to Sflabohfrw's Cam Newton. Newton threw for a td, ran for over 50yds and 3 more tds then caught a pass for 27 yds putting up the complete game for an undrafted qb. Congrats Cam and Sflabo. The end is near and Tmx has been unable to get in touch with former owner Bill Smiddy about that final week destination so ADSL may have to make new plans and hope all teams can be present as the season is going to come down to that final week!!! Quick turnaround with Thursday night action so be ready and hit the wire. As always stay away from the hammy dance and good luck this week. TMX.

Monday, December 5, 2011

19 shopping days

Till Christmas! I assume most of you have already started your shopping. I'm also assuming some of you are already done with your shopping. Me on the other hand? I like to procrastinate; then I usually give cash. Because cash is king baby...CASH IS KING!

This year is a little bit different because I have a young niece and two nephews, all under the age of 1 1/2,  to get gifts for. My brothers and I have always swapped pretty nice/expensive gifts, but now some are married and they all have children so do I buy gifts just for the children, for my brothers and their wives or do I try and get them all together for an adult swap with everyone buying gifts for the children? I mean what is the proper protocol?

Lets see what I learned this weekend:
1. The annual hockey game brings old friends back together, right PJ and Fab?
2. TK still has his legs about him and was 2nd in the MVP voting.
3. I don't know if you can beat the $6.00 shot and boob dance table side at the Banana. That should be some sort of Phantom Gourmet hidden jewel.
4. I may be boycotting Not Your Average Joes now that they have changed their meatloaf. It went from a top 10 dish that I would seek out to basically Purina dog food. Basically their meatloaf is now inedible.
5. I guess I have lots of typos in my things I learned this weekend. I will do a better job to proof read what I write.
6. Jeffrey is looking at getting a tattoo for his Christmas gift.
7. Strippers do not like to be told that you are a bachelor but your fiance is a man. They can't make money on lap dances if you tell em you like men!
8. Derek thinks its funny that people get annoyed when Derek talks in the 3rd person.
9. Today is Nora Mitchells 38th birthday.
10. Orett likes hockey more than most. Lot of first timers this year and everyone seemed to have a great day.
11. You have to be careful with this crazy weather we are having. People are getting Pneumonia like crazy.
12. Mike Tupe's new band Massachusetts Delta is pretty damn good.
13. Jingle Bells was composed by James Lord Pierpont in 1850 at Simpson Tavern in Medford. My favorite part is he composed it at the bar. Probably half in the rapper.
14. Who really gives a fuck that Madonna is doing the Superbowl Halftime show?
15. What gives with this Detroit Loins team? I mean they are a bunch of thugs.
16. It's amazing to me that as soon as the Bruins start winning everyone wants to start a conversation about them.
17. Why do people care if Robert Kraft and Steve Wynn are meeting about a potential casino in Foxboro? People are questioning Krafts moral compass.
18. You can't stop Tim Tebow you can only hope to contain him.
19. Rio is living through a renovation nightmare. Kid hasn't seen a television show in 2 weeks.
20. Jeffrey thinks all the waitresses on the North shore fall into the Revere High school stereotype.
21. The Watchdog is a strip club massage convert.
22. Stuffed pork loin is easier to make than I thought it would be.

I am already sick of everyone referring to Christmas things as Holiday things. ITS A FUCKING CHRISTMAS TREE. ITS NOT A HOLIDAY TREE!

The 4th of July is a holiday, Halloween is a holiday, Thanksgiving is also a holiday and we don't put up a fucking tree. Its Christmas time and I am putting up a Christmas tree, I am adourning it with Christmas decorations and I will put Christmas presents underneath it.

We don't call a Menora a Holiday candleabra, do we? Why are we singling out Christmas?

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

12 bars of Xmas

I know some of you are not into playing hockey this Saturday so here is a nice healthy alternative:

The 12 Bars of Christmas by Crawl In Boston

On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

A frosty beer just for me.

1:00 – The Harp – 85 Causeway Street

$3.00 Rolling Rock
Complimentary appetizer platter

On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Two friends a-laughing.

1:30 – The Greatest Bar – 262 Friend Street

$3 Rolling Rock bottles, $3 Narragansett cans, $3 Coors light draft

On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Three stout ales.

2:00 – West End Johnnies – 138 Portland Street

$3 Gansett and Coors Drafts

On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Four full glasses.


$3 Late Night Egg Nog…light rum,vanilla shnopps, gingerale

Complimentary appetizer platter

On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Fiiiiive Tasty Shots

3:00 – Paddy O’s – 33 Union Street

$3 Miller Light drafts and Dos XX bottles.

Complimentary appetizer platters.

On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Six bars a crawling

3:30 – Hennessy’s – 25 Union Street

$3 Bud Lite drafts and $3 Shipyard Wheat bottles

Complimentary Appetizer Platters

On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Seven drinks a-swilling.

4:00 – Red Sky – 18 North Street

$3 Rolling Rock
Complimentary Appetizer Platters

Please note: Due to private party we’ll have to leave Red Sky by 6:00

On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Eight drunks a-singing.

4:30 – The Place – 2 Broad Street

$3 Holiday Punch

Complimentary Appetizer Platters

On the 9th day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Nine bowls a-scorpion.


We know you’ll all get Scorpion Bowls but they have Coors Light ($1.75) as well

On the 10th day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Ten shots a-downing.


$3 Bud and Bud Light Drafts

On the 11th day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Eleven pints guzzling.

6:00 – McFadden’s – 148 State Street

$3 PBR, Keystone and High Life
Complimentary appetizer platters

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Twelve bars a crawling.

6:30 – Goodbar – 183 State Street

$2 miller high life and $3 kamikazes

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

TMX week 12 in review

Week 12 is in the books and TMX is here to write about it!!

TMX is a fantasy reporting media COMMITTED TO 60% TRUTH in all our reports. We are reporting from a "safe house" in an undisclosed location due to the AWESOME TIME we had Saturday night (Eddie Pinnette is still hung over) we shut down the SSSC complex for the week. There are 5 weeks left in the season and its as close as its been since week 6!! The Slippery Wizards look to have run out of gas and are losing their grip on first with two perennial top finishers Beach Bums and No Legs aka Skza aka Bring back Mungo aka Street Pharmacist making their move. It was a HUGE monday night with alot of points scored and you could tell it was setting up to be that way when the Saints faked a field goal on their first possession!!! Dillons Villenz pulled out of the basement and are looking to separate from the White Devils they are up 60 and 2-8 are now separated by less than 100 points its anyone's title at this point as Tmx has been saying it only takes one good week to jump back in it BUT hurry we got 5 left!!
This weeks winner is Beach Bums looking for the three peat!! They had a huge night from Drew Brees in Monday night action! Tmx contacted the Beach Bum gm, hey its Tmx big win this week and you're right back in the hunt how's it feel? " its still sore, goddamn Jerkshots and that hammy dance, but I may be able to play we will see."

Uhhm we are talking about the week 12 win in ADSL? What are you talking about? " oh I was talking the Whitley classic hockey game this Saturday. Not real concerned about winning the week, I always win and was only a matter of time before I caught the Slippery Wizards. Anyway I gotta get treatment on my hammy and then I'm going to make several waiver moves just for fun. Thanks for the call" Well winners win so cant really argue with the somewhat arrogant Beach Bums. No panic in that team thats for sure.

Now onto what Tmx is here for TO HELP!

This weeks last place finisher was White Devils the totals are as follows:
Roethelisberger 11
Sjax 8.5
Mendenhall 7
Bowe 9.5
Wallace 2
Finley 4
Crosby 9
Vikes d 8 for a total of 59.

Well its back to back losses for the White Devils a once proud organization that now appears to be falling on hard times. Tmx warned them at the beginning of the season about putting too many players on the same team together and they went out and traded for another Steeler!!! They have a wr, rb and qb from Pittsburgh's not so explosive offense then they have a wr and rb from a chiefs offense with some guy name Plako running the show. Tmx is a big fan of being "all in" but not when the deck is stacked. The Devils also left Fitzy and his 31 points on the bench this week which didnt help. There is time and just as Dillon had a big week to get out of the basement they can do the same but they need to explore the matchups. Tmx called a good friend of ours Rashard Mendenhall. Hey Mendy its Tmx whats up? " ahhh man dont tell me I got traded again? man i've been traded twice already this year what gives?" No,no Mendy your still on the Devils we are just wondering if you can get this ship sailing again? " Oh fo' sure I'm still mad that Ive been traded twice I guarantee we get out of the basement look at who we got coming up cleveland two times and st louis so I hope them Villenz is ready for a dog fight bow wow wiggy fucking wow" UHHHmm ok Mendy sounds like you and the Devils got a plan with this "dog fight " thing. Good luck.

Now onto the All Iggles Team.

QB- R. Fitzpatrick 31pts ( White Devils)
RB- B. Wells 32pts (Tmfntm0
RB- R. Mathews 18.5pts ( Villenz)
WR- R.Wayne 25.5pts (No Legs)
WR- P.Harvin 20pt (Beach Bums)
TE- D. Keller 20pts ( Slippery Wizards)
D- Ravens 26pts ( L8nitemenu)
K- Tony Franklin

Lotta big points left out there for the Iggles this week their total was 173! OUCH!! L8nitemenu gave the Iggles a must start d and the Iggles somehow got Wells, Wayne and Keller to play their best games of the season!! That Iggles they motivate mofos I guess. Well they have all but clinched the most points in the league so all we can hope for is a humbling poor week one of these next 5. There wasnt alot of activity on the waiver wire though we thought Villenz had the pick up of the week with Kevin Smith till the hammy dance took him out so the waiver wire pick up of the week goes to No Legs who picked up Victor Cruz after L8nitemenu dropped him and has found gold. Cruz is out producing high draft pick Nicks and Manningham is hurt but it didnt matter when he was healthy as Eli is in love with Cruz and so should No Legs be!! There were alot of impressive performances Wells and Ravens D for Iggles and the players started who were considered for player of the week were old friend Welker, God Brady, Matty Ice, Benson, Marshawn and Eli among others but this weeks player of the week goes to Drew Brees his 49 points almost singlehandedly beat the Devils this week!! Congrats Drew and Beach bums. Another week of thursday night action so get you players in and some interesting players out there on the waivers to think about. The trade deadline is coming up quick so dont hesitate to pull the trigger alot of teams bailed themselves out with trades this year so that is an option. Hope everyone stays healthy and til next week Tmx is out.

This just in!! Tmx is working to hold the end of the year party at former team Smelchie's new hotel he is running! Thats right William J Smiddy is running a hotel and is possibly going to hook up the league with a huge spread. STAY TUNED...

Monday, November 28, 2011

Where is the snow?

I know we should all be happy that its 60+ degrees for the last week or so but can a brother get a bit of snow?

This is what I learned this weekend:
1. Some people, who rock mullets, are in mullet denial. Guess what it's a curly fem-mullet, embrace it.
2. Snickers is the best selling chocolate worldwide, raking in over $2 billion annually.
3. Glidden sells 8 different paint colors specifically for doors; they are not available in all regions. You can get maybe 4.
4. Top left fatso is where you can score on Tofuri. In eye hockey of course.
5. The average person has 200 friends on Face book and 120 followers on Twitter. I am doing okay on FB but my twitter following is only 80 peeps.
6. The bark of a redwood tree is fire resistant.
7. Finding a bar that serves pizza on Thanksgiving night was a 100% bonus to the day. The Jager shots were a surprise.
8. Wendys has a new W burger, kinda like a Big Mac with special sauce.
9. People are starting to smack talk about the Hockey game thats only 6 days away.
10. When glass breaks, the cracks move faster than 3,000 miles per hour. That shits fast.
11. I still think people are whatever about the NBA coming back.
12. For anyone who had the under on if id be divorced in under a year, thanks for the donation you lost. Now who has under 2 years?
13. The cold dry mornings always make my eyes sting.
14. They may have to do something about Black Friday, with people getting maced and shot and all.
15. Mario hates on snowglobecentral.com.
16. Chrissys 1st poker tournament of the year was a success. He raised lots of money for Christmas gifts. He hopes to make it an annual event the day after Thanksgiving.
17. Just as fast as Rio and Big Layden became friends? They broke up.
18. Smiddy is a fast riser in the hotel business. He has moved from a night watchman to a managers program. He wants to run his own hotel.
19. The Honk Kong has not changed one bit.
20. There is only so much leftover turkey one can eat.

I will see some of you at the Annual Street hockey game this Saturday. If you are interested in playing let me know.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

DT on Thanksgiving via the Yahoo

As you know I am always looking for shit to blog about. I take any and all suggestions and I'll try to write about anything at least once.  One of the long time readers sent me this article, so I figured it was time to break out Derek's take...We all remember how this works right? The original article is linked at the top (if you care to read it without my take), then copied and italicized in this blog. Finally each piece is has my take (DT).

Top 6 Tips to Avoid a Thanksgiving Dinner Meltdown

By Elaine Corn

In a perfect world, we would start making food for Thanksgiving on Halloween. In reality, even experienced cooks don't do this. Most of us cook the whole meal on Thanksgiving Day. Ever been in a grocery store on the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving? Point proved.

Completing an entire Thanksgiving meal the day of is certainly reasonable and achievable, even for beginners. Here are six tips to get you going. Some are sure to horrify purists. But heat is heat and flesh is flesh. When they meet in an oven, the bird will cook.

Before we even get to this zany bitches 6 steps to avoid a Thanksgiving disaster lets start with the obvious: No one is thinking about starting to cook for Thanksgiving on Halloween. People have normal day lives that they live and no one on November 1st is starting to stress about cooking one fucking meal. I don't care if the Prince of England was coming by. As far as being at a grocery store the night before Thanksgiving? Are you fucking serious lady? One of the biggest drinking nights of the year and you are out shopping for walnuts and canned yams? You should be stocking up on bottles of Vodka, 30 packs of beer and a few extra bottle of wine for those crazy neighbors who stay too long and want to get their drink on but only on your dime.

1. Go over your recipes the night before.

Know your plan of action. If there's time and you're not too tired, chop onions, celery, and carrots and hold them in the refrigerator in zip bags. Get out the turkey's roasting pan and any baking dishes you haven't used all year. Check them because they might need washing.

(DT) This lady is a real fucking genius. Read your recipes the night before, wash some dishes because you put them away fucking dirty (are you a filthy animal or what?) and cut up all your veggies. This is my step 1. The Tuesday before Thanksgiving make sure you have all that you are going to need for Thursday because Wednesday night you are tieing one on. Its not a Thankgiving without being hungover. If you find that maybe you forgot marshmallows for your sweet potato caserole, ask the wife is she would be a peach and pick some up. If not, pray that you have some year old Fluff kicking around your cabinets. Either way you shouldn't be washing dishes (that should be clean), cutting veggies (that you can do at 9am hungover) or reading no damn Family Circus recipes.

2. Start with a fully defrosted turkey.

None of the information here applies if you've forgotten to defrost your turkey. If you've bought a frozen one the night before, you are in trouble. Yes, you can try sticking a blow dryer up the turkey's cavity, but you will not only create a heated incubator for bacteria in the cavity, you will end up with a gross blow dryer you'll never want to touch again.

If caught short the night before, buy a fresh turkey. If you're so unlucky that fresh turkeys are sold out, but a smallish frozen one -- 10 to 12 pounds. You can defrost it safely -- still wrapped -- in a sink filled with cold water. Change the water every 30 minutes, calibrating one 30-minute soak per pound of turkey. A 10-pound turkey will take about five to six hours to defrost.

(DT) So first she says start cooking on Halloween but then thinks you are going to forget to defrost the turkey? Well which is it lady? Are we preparing all month or are we morons who just found out Thanksgiving is coming? Its pretty much common sense that you defrost anything you are going to cook. I already told you that the day before Thanksgiving is for getting your drink on so theres no running out to buy a fresh turkey(which by the way is more than double the cost per pound, Mrs. Smarty pants doesn't mention that).  My step 2. Listen if you are on a bender, and you didn't buy a turkey or you have a frozen turkey (you don't want to go all Bill Nye the Science guy with water baths and circulatory pumps to change out water; ruining your Turkey Eve boozefest) call up your parents or her parents and tell them you are bring the damn family over for some Thanksgiving family time. Round up the booze, the kids and some fucking apple pies and lets do this. Or always make back up reservations at a restaurant.

3. Tackle the clamp.

Fresh or frozen, the turkey's drumsticks are constrained for shipping by the meanest thing in cooking -- the clamp. Whether metal or plastic, the bird comes with no directions on how to free the drumsticks. You've got to open the cavity to remove the giblets. In my struggles to remove the clamp, I've drawn blood. That's because, at least with the metal ones, the maneuver is counter-intuitive.

Metal clamp: With a towel, pull the upside-down "U" toward you. With your other hand, find the strength to lift the loosest drumstick up, over and out of the clamp. Once the first drumstick is free, the second one will come over and out easily. But the clamp is still in the bird! Squeeze its sides in, and push it away from you. It will slide out.

Plastic clamp: Snip it with scissors, free the drumsticks, reach in and remove the bag of giblets.

(DT) Basically in order to remove the clamps holding the legs together you need to use the Pythagorean Theorem? My step 3. Its either a piece of plastic that you can clip with scissors or its a piece of aluminum that you can clip with fucking scissors! There's no fancy two handed U shaped pull over under leg restraint removal while using a towel maneuver. Plus if you are using algebra to remove a leg clamp and do  two handed moves how can you be holding your drank?

4. Always use a meat thermometer.

Turkeys are tricky. The breast meat cooks first, but it's still attached to the bird while it waits for the dark meat to finish. White meat is ready at 170 F, dark meat at 175 to 180 F. To take a reading, insert it in the dark meat, which takes the longest to cook. Newer digital thermometers stay in the turkey for the entire roasting time and beep when the set temperature is reached.

A 10- to 14-pound turkey should be cooked at 350 F for 2 to 2½ hours. A 14- to 18-pound bird should cook at 325 F for 2½ to 3½ hours.

If you don't have a meat thermometer, here's the old-fashioned method. Gently pull a drumstick (use a towel to hold on) away from the body. Where the skin has stretched, use a small knife to make a cut to expose the meat. Take a look. If you see red juices or pink meat, keep roasting. Check for doneness at 15-minute intervals until juices run clear. I like this method because no one will see the cut.

(DT) You know me, I am old school. I don't own a fancy meat thermometer. It is 2011 though and don't all turkeys come with those little red pop up plastic timers? As far as the "old-fashioned method" this lady proposes; I plan to be wayyyyy to drunk for that(and again with the fucking towel) Here is my step 4. Preheat the oven to 350 F and make yourself a bloody mary. While the oven is heating up munch on the celery and olives in your drink - not only are you drinking but you are eating your breakfast. All meats, whether it's chicken, turkey, beef, pork or duck take about 20 minutes a pound. I have no idea where this ding bat of a woman thinks you can cook a 15 lb turkey in 3.5 hours. No wonder she has pink meat. It is not rocket science. 20 minutes a pound for 15 pounds would be 5 hours. Why do you think our parents would wake up at the ass crack of dawn to cook a turkey. Because the shit takes time.

5. After the turkey has roasted an hour, add about 2 cups of water to the bottom of the pan.

This is the beginning of your gravy or natural pan juices.

(DT) I have no idea why we are waiting  an hour to put the water on the bottom of the pan. My step 5. Place the turkey on a rack in the bottom of the roasting pan, this way the turkey is raised up and isnt boiling and stewing away in the water. Then again I use chicken stock and not water. I want my gravy to be tasty not watered down. Since the turkey has moved into the pan and heading for the oven; it is time to move on from Bloody Marys and onto vodka tonics. If you haven't peeled your potatoes, carrots, sweet potatoes and made the green been caserole now is the time to start. The bird is in the oven and we have nothing but time to work on our buzz and the sides.

6. If, after carving, parts are undercooked, microwave them for a minute or two.

No one will know.

(DT) Now I know why she wants you to start cooking right after Halloween, this bitch don't know how to cook. Microwave your turkey? How ghetto is that?  My Step 6. when the turkey finally comes out of the oven and rests under aluminum foil for 20 minutes you should be pretty well on your way to being bombed so anything will taste awesome. The gravy should be plentiful, tasty and not watery (since we used stock) so if your bird is a little bit on the dry side bury it with the brown stuff.

When the meal is over you should be killing off bottles of wine, polishing off 30 packs and laughing it up with friends and family.

When it is all said and done no one is going to remember if the turkey was dry or the mashed potatoes were lumpy. They will remember how hungover they were, how hard they laughed and who won the football game.

TMX week 11 review

Tmx week 11 is review is in!!
TMX is a fantasy reporting agency committed to 65% TRUTH in all its reports! We are no longer associated with folan.com the 9th ranked website on the www's do so some "suspect" reporting. C'est la vie as we say at Tmx the show must go on!! Tmx is reporting this week from a remote location as the SSSC complex was shut down do to major renovations. A new entrance was placed along with a moat to keep out rift-raft as it was starting to get hectic on Sundays, a well needed addition the guard dog (king Ronin) had gotten lax so the complex stepped it up.

There are 6 weeks left in the season and the byes are done so its all systems go. Tmx recieved this text from a member of league " look i dont care if i win i just hope the Slippery Wizards crash and when i say crash i'm talking Dale Earnhardt type crash" EEEEK apparently no one wants the table run by the Slipperys. Tmx did contact ML enterprises as there was a rumor he was being groomed as the new GM of the Wizards " look i'm not taking on that sinking ship and I'll never be associated with that name. NO WAY NO HOW" Well Wizards guess you are on your own and being hunted. The race is as tight as its been. No Legs, Beach Bums, Hoodsie ,Tmfntm, L8nite and Sflabohfrw all closing fast and Jerkshots hitting a rough patch with Welker slowing down there's and 80pt difference from 2-8 and the last place teams are going toe to toe for the dress separated by under 20pts!

The injury bug is still "dancing" around taking out Shonn Greene, AP, Jennings, Fjax, Cutler, Desean Jax and Gronk among others to add to the list of already players already out. The winner this week COMING IN HOT was I Have No Legs. We tried to contact the GM of No Legs but he is "in between phones" at the moment, Tmx has no idea what that means so we did contact old friend Aaron Rodgers of team No Legs. Hey Aaron whats good its Tmx. "Hey Tmx how are you still reporting fantasy news? Love your stuff" Thanks Aaron great season so far, is any of this due to the fact that you weren't the number one overall pick or even top qb picked? " aww well you know sometimes guys like to take running backs and Brady and Brees always put up big numbers so just being considered up there is fine with me I'm just trying to produce each week" Yeah but how about Mike Vick being taken over you as number one over all? " what? WHAT? You shitting me Tmx? Vick? Whats he ever done? He's a poor man's Randall Cunningham. Oh its on! Jordy, Jennings, Finley lets go do some extra reps we gotta make this league PAY, hell wake up Donnie Driver we will make him a star again too, I'm out Tmx" Oh boy now we got a mad Rodgers on our hands.

Now what Tmx is here for TO HELP. This weeks last place finisher was White Devils the numbers are as follows:
Fitzy 5pts
J.Battle 3.5pts
Sjax 6.5pts
D.Bowe 11.5pts
J.Jones ZERO
Finley 5pts
Chiefs D- 7
for a dismal total of 42pts!

The good news is even with this total the Devils didnt slide into last place as Villenz missed a golden bye week opportunity. The Devils have several players on bye and now should be set for the final stretch to hold off the dress wearing. The obvious reason for this performance is lack of waiver wire moves by the Devils. They havent made a waiver move since losing J. Charles earlier in the season. They are former champs and know that you have to do some effort and work the wire and havent done that. Michael Bush, Reggie Bush, Cam Newton, Laurent Robinson, Demarco Murray, all types of bye week replacement Defenses all have gone by the Devils so if they are refusing to spend this is what they get. We did call the one guy they have picked up Jackie Battle. Hey Jackie its Tmx whats good? "Tmx for real? Oh man this is J-Batts oh man I never thought I'd hear from you, I'm sharing carries with old man Jones and Mccluster.  J-Batts is happy to take this call did someone pick me up for bench help?" Uhm no Mr. Battle you're starting on a team and do you realize you gave yourself a nickname and are referring to yourself in the third person? "starting on a team? J-Batts can't believe it I put up 3.5 points thats cool tho right? Oh and J-Batts gotta go tell his friends Tmx called OUT!" Well if Jackie Battle doesnt know why he starting that should tell you something. Good luck Jackie and Devils hope you figure this out.

Now onto the All Iggles Team. First former All Iggles first teamer Cam Newton is no longer on All Iggles after the trade and is now replaced by Tony Gonzalez a regular here always on Iggles or the next tight end to be. Trade offers should be flying to Sflabo to keep this guy off the Iggles here's this weeks team:

QB- J.Cutler 28pts ( Jerkshots)
RB- L. Blount 21.5pts (Beach Bums)
RB-C.Benson 16pts ( No legs)
WR- P.Harvin 18pts ( Beach Bums)
WR- V. Cruz 26pts ( No Legs)
TE- T. Gonzalez 15.5pts ( SFlabohfrw)
D- Raiders 19pts ( Villenz)

This weeks total was 144 which is pretty good considering the bye weeks are done and now the Iggles are going to have more players to choose from. Lets try and hold them under a 100 cuz various reports have Iggles running around his old haunts like Cappys bragging how he's dominating the league he's not even in tellin people to "figure it out". This weeks pickup of the week was team Hoodsie's Pats D! A bold pickup but a must have for monday night action. Hoodsie is making power moves on the wire and making a real push for the top despite not having won a week yet!! The player of the week had alot of contenders some of the usual suspects like Ray Rice, Rodgers, Gronk, Vjax, Stafford, Pats D, and even K. Winslow made a push but we gave the player of the week to Jordy Nelson. Jordy had a great day and was finally giving the starting nod after weeks of in and out roster moves by team No Legs. Good work playing him and great work performing Jordy. Lets hope everyone gets healthy and stays that way for the final 6 weeks. Happy Thanksgiving and see you next week. Tmx out...............and to those that do the hammy dance be careful it comes back around.