I was going to write this in an email to the expecting parents but I figured why not share with the world instead.
Dear Mr. and Mrs. MacPhail,
Now that you are having a December baby there are a few rules to follow:
1. Never ever wrap their birthday gift in Christmas wrapping paper.
2. Never give them a combo birthday/christmas gift - EVER.
3. Do not name them some seasonal name, such as Joy, Holly, Merry or Kris.
4. Do not skimp out on their gift since Christmas is coming (here is some Happy meal toy child), no one told you to be fucking 9 months ago.
5. Do not attempt to throw a birthday cake out during a Christmas get together.
6. If you are going to attempt any of the things above then just celebrate their birthday in July.
As you can see December babies/birthdays are important to me. I've been fucked too many times by assholes, including my own parents.
Thank you for writing this Derek. It made us both laugh. Sorry to hear you are still troubled by being born in the wrong month.
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