Wednesday, September 29, 2010

ADSL SEASON 5 – Weekly Review/Preview

Listen, I know what you are thinking: “here we go again with the Kyle Orton crap” or “we get it, Orton is available” or “we understood after the 50th text on Sunday that Orton is ON THE BLOCK”. But I’m not going to go there….I’m not going to mention his 74 fantasy points (tied for 4th overall), not going to talk about his 1078 passing yards (2ND overall), or that fact he is available on the cheap. This is a new year and I’m going to take the high road, so I’m not going to mention any of the stuff I just mentioned. I have more pressing questions and issues that need to be answered.

I came into this year determined not to spend the entire year making fun of Smiddy or ripping Los. Like I’ve said I’m going to be positive this year. But sometimes I have a legitimate question that needs to be answered. Like who is actually running Unmarked Bills? Is it Smiddy? Is it Welchie? The term Smelchie is funny as hell but in this case I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more appropriate name. Ordinarily I really could care less about another teams management structure but when I’m trying to make deals I need to know who I’m dealing with.

We have all received the reports from our favorite ADSL rumor/news network…TMX. Has our second favorite league couple split? Is Smelchie no more? The rumors have been circulating that they are barely on speaking terms and the relationship is on the rocks since taking a nose dive after week 1. Well I guess in Smiddy’s case it would be a chin dive….but I digress. The league needs to know who we are dealing with when negotiating with BILLS. We deserve to know the truth!

Matt Ryan: 228 passing yards, 2 TD, 26 rushing yards, 23 fantasy points
Percy Harvin: 62 receiving yards, 1 TD, 6 receptions, 16 fantasy points
Rob Gronkowski: 43 receiving yards, 1 TD, 11.5 fantasy points
Peyton Hillis: 144 rushing yards, 1 TD, 7 receptions, 31.5 fantasy points
Tony Gonzalez: 110 receiving yards, 1 TD, 26 fantasy points
IGGLES Bench: 127.5 fantasy points….of course what would you expect with Orton and Carlson rocking the hell out of my bench….did I mention they are available?

Cedric Benson: 81 rushing yards, 2 TD, 21 fantasy points
Mike Wallace: 100 receiving yards, 2 TD, 28.5 fantasy points
Screw it I’m not writing each individual guy. BOBBY BROWNS Bench: 125.5 points

Dustin Keller: 98 receiving yards, 2 TD, 24 fantasy points. I may be wrong but wasn’t he on the hot list last week? Some people never learn.

Yup….you guessed it….ALL ON THE BENCH!

Unmarked Bills QB’s: I’m sure Sanchez will fix this (but he’s no Orton)
BOBBY BROWNS starters not named Brees
Visanthe Shiancoe: did he even dress? 0.5 fantasy points
Tim Hightower: 40 rushing yards, 4.5 fantasy points
Matt Forte, Matt Forte, Matt Forte, FU Matt Forte…4 fantasy points
Marques Colston: 25 receiving yards, 4 fantasy points
Jahvid Bust….I mean Best: 4 fantasy points later answers the age old question…I guess the 3rd time isn’t the charm.

OK SKZA….you played it right last week and you broke the Sims-Walker Cycle….now don’t screw it up. You know what to do this week. Right? Please tell us you aren’t going to screw this up.

Hmmmmm…what u got Beach Bums? Maclin is hot…you gonna bench him for your new WR Johnson that was recently acquired in a trade? Anybody know the rule on this one? I mean you have to play the hot hand but at the same time the Fantasy Gods do not look kindly upon benching a guy you just traded for.

Haaaaaaaaa…..I just saw your team name. SFLABO Home For Rehabilitated Wizards. Awesome….absolutely awesome! So awesome in fact I’m not going to ask if this is the right week to get back on the Greene Train and give McFadden a week off.

Steve Smith of the The Real Steve Smith on the bench again? Not a good way to build team unity by benching the guy your team is named after. But listen, I respect what you are doing…nobody is above the rules. All of your players are treated equally, if you can’t produce then you ride the pine. I like the way you’re rollin’ kid.

1 comment:

d said...

My team sucks so bad I cant even get a blurb...pour out a little liquor