Festivus for the Rest of us...

Its December 23rd and the official day of Festivus.
Feel free to air your Grievances in the comments section of this posting.

The Festivus celebration includes three major components.
The Festivus Pole - display of an unadorned aluminum pole, apparently in opposition to the commercialization of the decorated Christmas trees.
The Airing of Grievances - where the celebrant tells their friends and family all of the instances where they disappointed the celebrant that year.
The Feats of Strength - where the head of the family tests their strength against one participant. Festivus is not considered over until the head of the family has been pinned. A participant is allowed to decline to attempt to pin the head of the family only if they have something better to do instead."

Is anyone else in the Christmas mood? I certainly am. Probably more so than in most other years. Maybe because I really didn't go to the malls much or do much shopping. Online shopping and Cash this year! Winnah Winnah Chicken Dinnah.

I got the best present last night:

Signed by Turk himself.

That is probably the second best gift I ever received. The first being my autographed Rice, Lynn and Evans photo:


I just want to wish everyone a safe and happy Christmas. I know some of you will be traveling and not wanting to check the blog so I will do it now.


Update on Chrissys mustache:

3 weeks strong baby!!

Saturday at Coops UFC 92:

It also happens my 31st bday and yet another reason drink.

HAPPY FESTIVUS!

GRIEVANCE # 11

Socializing! If you haven’t figured it out yet I really don’t like people. Well…..let me re-phrase that. It’s not that I don’t like people it’s just I really don’t have much to say. Let me try this one more time……there are a lot of people I don’t like but for the few of you that I do like I still don’t have much to say. There we go…..much better.

Now listen people……I live a boring life and that is the way I like it. I eat, I smoke, I drink my coffee, I sleep on an occasional basis, watch football, go to work, and hang out with Mrs. Iggles. That’s pretty much it. So when you ask me how things are going or how I’m doing……I honestly don’t have much to say. Unless it’s about work or football you are more than likely going to get a one word response. Oh yeah….I’ll talk politics all day long but discussions about politics always get feisty and I really don’t have the energy.

Anyway, I’m getting side tracked. So for those of you that get offended I don’t hang out you just need to deal with it. It’s not that I don’t like you….although that is a distinct possibility. I just don’t want to go out! This is pretty simple….I’m either going to tell you YES or NO….there is no middle ground. If I say NO then the discussion is over…don’t try and talk me into it and don’t continue to ask me thinking I may change my mind. Won’t happen!

HAPPY FESTIVUS!

GRIEVANCE # 12

Directionals! SIDE NOTE: For any of you reading this that do not live in the New England area we are talking about turn signals. I understand using a directional (turn signal) is very confusing and it is certainly an inconvienance when you are driving while drinking your Latte and talking on the cell phone. But they install directionals (trun signals) for a reason people…and that is to inform the drivers behind you that you are turning. So put the phone down, stop checking your make-up, don’t try and feed the baby you have in the back seat and use your FREAKIN directional (turn signal).

OWNED!!!!!


But he did use his turn signal.

And please, I’m begging……use the directional (turn signal) before you get to the road you are turning onto. It doesn’t do anyone any good if you turn on the directional (turn signal) half way through your turn. Here is a rule for you drivers out there…..if you hit the brakes before hitting the directional then you did it too late. THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!!

HAPPY FESTIVUS!

GRIEVANCE # 13

Snowballs at Santa Claus! This has got to be one of my top 5 grievances. Why is it that every time I watch a Philly team on TV I have to listen to the announcers talk about Philly fans throwing snowballs at Santa Claus. There have been at least 20 fan/player/entertainer incidents that warrant more attention than this does. When a Detroit team is getting boo’d you never hear them say these are the same fans that started a bench clearing, fan punching fight during a basketball game. When Chicago fans boo their teams the announcers never mention the fans that stumbled out of the stands and attacked the first base coach. Enough is enough with the Santa crap, if you are a journalist and mention this it only proves you are lazy and don’t do your homework as a journalist.

The worse part about this story is I have yet to hear it told accurately. Maybe I’ll get into the whole story sometime during the football playoffs if we have a snow game. But for now I’ll say this scrub Santa deserved to have snow balls thrown at him.

HAPPY FESTIVUS!

GRIEVANCE # 15

Donovan FUCKING McNabb! I know I’m going to regret this but a grievance is a grievance. I’m only going to say this once. MCNABB DID NOT PUKE IN THE SUPER BOWL! Dry heave maybe…..but he didn’t throw up. I’m so convinced of this I’m willing to put money on it. We all know how cheap I am so it is a very rare event when I’m putting money on the table.

The Super Bowl has to be the most recorded event on the sporting calendar every year. There is a camera every five feet covering every angle so nothing is missed. Nothing happens in the Super Bowl that isn’t caught on video. So I’m putting up $50 for anybody that can find a video of McNabb throwing up in the Super Bowl. Pictures will not be accepted….only video. And don’t think for a second you can try and use the regular season game in Jacksonville where he did puke.

HAPPY FESTIVUS!

GRIEVANCE # 14

Drinking! For those that have known me long enough it isn’t a problem anymore but for people I meet for the first time it’s always an issue. I DO NOT GET DRUNK……well at least not anymore. I don’t like to get drunk and since anytime I’m in a situation where drinking is involved I’m usually driving. Some people are afraid of heights…some people spiders….some people clowns. For me it’s getting a DUI. Clowns creep me out a little as well but that’s for another time.

So I usually have one or two beers and then call it quits. And that’s when it starts…What do you mean you’re not drinking? Just have one more? I’ll pay for it, it’s on me!......it goes on and on for hours. Now listen people I don’t care what you do and I don’t criticize the decisions you make when you’re drinking. If you want to go out and get hammered and then drive….that’s your decision. I don’t judge your drinking habits so don’t judge mine. Just give me a 30 minute head start before you start your venture home. I figure with the way I drive you have no chance of catching me.


I’ll warn you now……you have absolutely no chance of guilting (is that a word? Or is it guiltying? I need a ruling) me into drinking more. If you want to waste money and line up shots in front of me thinking I’ll feel bad you spent money on shots…..think again. Once I’m done drinking…..I’M DONE. Just accept it and move on.

HAPPY FESTIVUS!

GRIEVANCE # 16
Shopping! Now let’s be clear, outside of grocery shopping it is very rare that I go out with the intention of actually shopping. Sure I’ll go to the mall with Mrs. Iggles once in a while but that is done more in the name of ‘quality time’ and peace in the Iggles Household than anything else.


But when I do go shopping I know exactly what I want and pretty much where I’m going to get it. So why is it necessary that I’m harassed by 4 salespeople in every store I step foot in? I appreciate the initial inquiry if I need help but once I say ‘no thank you’ than that should be it. Side Note: I always laugh when someone asks if I need help. Asking me if I need help is like asking John Daly if he needs a beer. And like John there isn’t enough help out there that could fix me.

Anyway, the ‘can I help you’ crap continues on until every salesperson in the store has interrupted me. Is this really necessary? The furniture store is the best….those bastards are like vultures following you around until you leave. There must be somebody that researches this kind of stuff….there is no way that these sales ‘tactics’ result in increased sales. So I have a simple rule…if I get asked more than twice if I need help I walk out. Don’t care what they are selling and I don’t care how good the price is. For furniture stores I only enter with Mrs. Iggles and let her deal with the salespeople……I just keep walking. This is so fun because Mrs. Iggles is the nicest person on the planet and feels bad if she doesn’t answer their questions. Meanwhile I’m coasting through the store in peace and quiet. FANTASTIC!


For any Retailers out there I have some advice for you. Go walk into an Apple Store and see how they do it. They have one ‘Genius’ at the door that asks if you need help with anything and after that you are in the clear. No more questions and no more harassment. If you need help then you go find a ‘Genius’ and they always have like 10 of them standing around just waiting to help you. I could shop at the Apple Store all day long!

Only...

12 shopping days left for all your Christmas needs.
15 shopping days left for all your Derek's Birthday needs.
18 shopping days left for all your New years eve needs.

People keep emailing/texting/calling me and asking what Happened to Iggles grievances?? I honestly do not know. I have reached out to Iggles and all he tells me is that he is "Busy".
Maybe he doesn't have anything else to bitch about.
Maybe Mrs. Iggles found all his grievances and burned them?
Maybe he is too busy Christmas shopping?
Maybe he is too wrapped up with trying to come in 1st over all in fantasy that he can't focus on anything else?
If anyone sees Iggles, please tell him we are worried.

The street hockey game is only 4 days away. It looks like we will have roughly 20-25 guys to play. I hope that all can make it.

The Bandwagon Sheriff and the Wanna B's watchdog are doing a fantastic job keeping these scabs off of the Bruins bandwagon. The tip line has been ringing non stop with people dropping dimes left and right on these punks. If you want to add anyone to the list just get in touch with me via the text message, email or telephone.

The dart team is in a tight spot this week. With the ice storms last week, Handsome Jared got called away to Western Massachusetts to fix some shit. That leaves us with 5 players - Jeff, Foley, Welchie, Supah P and Myself. I reached out to MikeyShits, Pat Layden and Chuckie. Pat said he would play if we are in a bind but he still has to work the overnight. I could ask Gary...HEY GARY!!! Round 2 of the playoffs start tonight in East Boston!

The Celtics won again last night 100-91. That is their 15th straight win extending their record to 23-2. That ties them for the the best start through 25 games in NBA history. Keep it up guys because the rest of the league is getting RONDO'D!


Things I have learned this weekend:
1. Pub Crawls are fun.
2. Sunday is a fun day for drunk bullshitting with friends.
3. Trying to get a group of people to get to go to Vegas for Superbowl is no small feat.
4. Smiddy can not find anyone to go to the Bruins game with him Saturday.
5. The Bell and Hand has it in for Mikey...twice denied??
6.There's only one Ricky Hatton

HAPPY FESTIVUS!

GRIEVANCE# 10

Sorry Mrs. Iggles….it’s your turn. I can admit it….I’m just like every other guy out there when it comes to my electronic gadgets. So we have the usual things in the Iggles Household. Nothing extravagant just the basics like a computer, cell phones, cameras, XBOX 360, etc….. but my true addiction is the TV. We have a plasma flat screen in the living room and an LCD flat screen in the bedroom. And topping it off we have an HD receiver in both rooms with a DVR so we don’t miss any of our shows. Those of you that have an HD receiver know that most of your channels are broadcast in normal and in HD. So it seems fairly obvious to me that if you have the option of watching a show in normal or in HD you would pick HD. Why would you not? It doesn’t seem like a logical choice to watch a show in a smaller format with less quality. Am I wrong on this one?

Enter Mrs. Iggles! I walk in the door and she is watching either House Hunters on HGTV (Home & Garden Television for you single guys out there) or It’s Me Or The Dog on Animal Planet. Quick Side Note: That British dog trainer lady drives me nuts…..for some reason people with British accents bother me. I sure am glad I don’t have an accent.




















Anyway, every time Mrs. Iggles watches these shows she watches it on the non-HD channel? Now I can accept the fact if you’re just surfing the channels and come across a show and not realize you also have that channel in HD. But this happens every single night and when I walk in the door I say the same thing….’why aren’t you watching this in HD?’ It’s like Groundhog Day but just for the first 5 minutes after I get home. Now I know you negative people out there assume Mrs. Iggles is doing it on purpose just to piss me off but she truly forgets every time. How is this possible? Seriously...I must have shown Mrs. Iggles at least 10 times where the HD channels are so it's not like she can't find them. If we are going to watch TV this way why don’t we just cancel the cable and start watching TV on an old black and white and save me the $100 monthly cable bill. Uggghhhhhh

HAPPY FESTIVUS!

GRIEVANCE # 5

Hey Overweight Stair Lady! If you are so fat and out of shape that it takes you 10 minutes to walk up 2 flights of stairs from the train stop, than at least have the common courtesy to wait for everyone else to go first. We cannot squeeze around your fat ass on the stairwell and I’ve missed the bus 4 times because of you. I’m no Speedy Gonzalez but at least I can keep up with the pace. IT’S LIKE THIS EVERY DAY DAMN IT!

Am I wrong on this one? I appreciate the fact that maybe you are walking the stairs in an effort to get some exercise and lose some weight. But must the rest of us suffer in your battle with obesity? All I’m asking is you wait 30 seconds for everyone else to get on the stairs and then you can take your jolly good time walking.









Am I asking too much here? And what makes matters even worse is there is a freaking elevator right behind the stairwell. I’m just warning you now Overweight Stair Lady, I have absolutely no problem tripping you and climbing over you to make my bus. To quote our favorite Entertainment Update expert, Stylegal, “I have a job people’ and I got things to do! So get the hell out of my way before things get nasty.