Tmx is back. The long standing contract dispute with Drunknothing Inc is now over.
Basically TMX was the Nate Diaz of fantasy
football reporting but now we have returned to finish out our contract.
TMX for those new to the game is a fantasy football reporting
agency bringing unbiased reports loosely based totally on facts! Week 1
is in the books and what a wild wild week it was.
The Equalizers put up a week
one total of 191!! Foleys walked into draft like he was the new bouncer at the
double deuce, leaving the vette running in the parking lot, and between brags
of his bedroom prowess he put together one hell of a team. Mahomes
putting up 49 without Tyreek, JT showing why he's the number one pick with a
casual 30 burger and the Bills D adding 26 and its off and running for
Equalizer. Its basically their belt to lose at this point! ADSL has been put on
notice!!
Second place this week was Hong Kong Street Pharmacist with a
respectable 144. HKSP is a new hybrid team this year with Mr Crossfit himself
(not showing up due to having to wear a dress/ IT nerd stuff he had to do
depending on who you ask) and former ADSL owner Skza. Skza got all the
groceries for HK to run the team. HK decided to sit a 14 point kicker so we
shall see how this hybrid plays out this season. He did get a huge game from
his old friend Saquon and of course Kupp was open all day per usual. The Lamar/
Andrews stack was quiet but that wont continue. HKSP looks like a team on the
rise so there should be no reason HK doesn't show up for the draft next year,
well unless Skza takes some street justice on him for leaving guys on the
bench. Stay tuned.
Third place this week was Moco Loco with 134. Moco Loco
might be back in business like EPMD and the league better be ready. The
original smugboy of ADSL coming for that crown. First QB off the board Allen
proved why and Mr. Chase did what he does to lead Moco Loco. Great draft also
means leaving almost 50 points on the bench with 2 running backs having big
days. Check ya in boxes people cuz Moco Loco trades will be coming in!!
Fourth
place this week was Pepper Brooks @ the Ocho with 131. Pepper was carried by
Justin Jefferson and there goes Swifty (shoutout to the ol racetrack) Pepper
put up a nice week despite a couple injuries and if this keeps up the
transactions are going to be record setting and the buffet bout to be LIT!!
The
5th place team was Burrow My Dick in Your Ass with 127. Burrows
team was led by his top two picks Kelce and Adams and as soon as Burrow stopped
throwing to the other team he had a decent game as well BUT the Burrow bench
was where the real party was at putting up 151 points!! Steelers D and Carson
Wentz maybe looking at a starting job either with Burrow or on the trade
market!
The 6th place team this week was Prebathtubwhitney. The
man who spite picks QBs and isn't afraid to "burn a pick" put up 116
points. Hurts and Diggs led the team while the rest of the team fizzled.
Prebathtubwhitney got Herbert sitting on the bench so I'm sure a move will be
made to make that team a contender.
The 7th place team this
week was Charlies Angels (unconfirmed reports say he's changing his name to
Justin Jefferson fanboy) with 107. AJ Brown looks like he's in for a monster
season and carried the team with Russy getting some Monday night points to save
the week. Fun fact Charlies put up the rare Robert Parish double zero when both
his healthy tight ends failed to score. Commish can we give a .5 for Chief?
seems only right!! Cook and Etienne have better days ahead and Deeeebo is
heading back to being the lead back for Niners with Mitchell out so be ready
for arrogant sandwiches being handed out from Charlies Angels once again.
Prebathtub u hungry??
The 8th place team this week was Silly
Gooses with 105. Kyle don't call me Keith Murray had an ok day but it looks like
Cant guard Mike Thomas is back!! Kittle being hurt didn't help but Kareem Hunt
might turn into must start if Harris foot isn't better. Yo Silly G hit the
waivers your kickers combined for 2 points!!
The 9th place team
this week was defending champs Flyingdingoes with 99. Joe Mixon was the leading
scorer with 18 that pretty much says it all. The Dingoes might have a QB battle
brewing with Jameis outscoring TB12!! Something to monitor. New territory for
the defending champ should be interesting to see how he bounces back.
Last
place this week was Slippery Wizards with 90 points. SW tied their hopes to
fools gold for Dak and Lamb and now they are going to be scrambling from here
on out. Week 1 down a hundo is not the best place to be so they better hit the
wire and offer up whatever they can to get the team moving in the right
direction!
LETS MAKE SOME CALLS!
First up from the last place team Slippery
Wizards lets give a call to Dak Prescott. Hey Dak its TMX hows it goin?
" ouch ouch hey TMX glad your back ouchie ouch ouch" Dak you ok what
happened out there you really let Slippery Wizards down after they reached for
you in the draft. " my thumb , it hurts like real bad, ouch ouchie
ouchie" Dak you kinda sucked before that and its just a thumb you
seem to be carrying on a bit here no?? " well it hurts. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"
Dak are you crying?? "yes cuz it hurts its my thumb". Hey Dak we
gotta end this call its getting embarrassing get well see you in November.
"Thanks TMX. Yikes that was not the call we were expecting. Guess
Flyingdingoes was right about Dak. Lets call someone on the winning team. We
will ring up old friend Patty Mahomes. Hey Pat its TMX long time no talk!!
" Hey TMX how've you been! Glad you are back!!" Thanks thanks great
week without Tyreek almost dropped 50 on em. " Yeah all the guys worked
together ............hey TMX what's up can you come by for a
selfie??......." uhhm who is this? " Its Pat's wife you know me
right?? Yeah I always wanted to be interviewed by TMX, so what do you want to
ask me?" CLICK. Well that is the first TMX hang up just had to do it sorry
Pat. Boy this season is off and running!! There were quite a few big injuries
this week so the waivers will be active but the trade lines are wide open so as
always TAKE THE DEAL!!!
Good luck in week 2 and hit up the TMX shop for latest
TMX gear and folan.com apparel.
3. Not only is Sean Riccio alive but he happened to run into Timmy Cleary in NYC at a dance recital.
4. I had the best burger(and now burgers may be ruined for me forever) at Marcel in Atlanta. I would punch a baby for another 1, maybe not a cute baby but a baby nonetheless.
5. I wasn't too impressed with Brimfield this year. Hopefully, next year will be better.
6. Fucking Fantasy football, AMIRIGHT?
7. You didn't hear this from me but Joe Martell is sober for the month of September. Also side note he is an angry sober dude.
8. TK is one year closer to retirement. The old man is rocking 67 quite nicely.
9. Steak frites is underrated.
10. I cannot believe it has taken me 44 years to get to the Basketball Hall of Fame. Good take though.
11. The new Jurassic Park movie is pretty much trash.
12. Went to a German restaurant for the first time. I will be back - give me all the schnitzel and spatzle.
13. The cape house is off the rental market for the season.
14. Tee times are booked for Columbus day weekend.
15. Banana bread is kind of underrated.
16. Chrissy is back with Verizon after a quick affair with Xfinity mobile.
7. Massachusetts signed into law no more sales of gas powered vehicles starting in 2035. Do these environmentalist/electric car nuts know that electricity is made from burning fossil fuels?
8. I heard Chrissy is going to try and grow his beard long for the football season. I think hes gonna look like Kris Kringle in Santa Claus is coming to town.
9. Congrats to TK who is going to be getting a second grand child.
10. Huge bash up at Chrissy camp site on Sept 3rd...get you a camp site and party on.
So this is what Hell feels like? Ninety plus every day and it never cools down at night? Or is this global warming and why we need electric cars? It is all so very confusing.
This is what I learned this weekend:
1. The Beth is open in Hingham, taking the place of the old Beer Works.
2. TK just out there on vacation living his best beach life.
3. Chrissy is up on the mountain this week and is going to see Luke Bryan Friday. Kid has the world by the balls.
4. Congrats to Chris Leaden on being down 50 lbs.
5. Croc nation, ya'll.
6. Joey Martell is planning his 40th in St. Johns, early October.
7. It looks like the housing market is slowing down everywhere.
8. Pearl and Lime has a Zombie drink that only allows you to get 2 per visit.
9. Man this Red Sox team is getting rocked. Do they become sellers at the trade deadline and go full rebuild?
10. Drinking at the beach and napping at the beach are totally underrated.
Its the first official day of summer boys and girls and whoever identifies as a trash can.
This is what I learned this weekend:
1. After 3 attempts, I believe we have the whole pig roast down.
2. Not really sure how BU celebrates a Sunday holiday on a Friday before but hey here we are.
3. Salsa Verde and chimichurri sauces are very underrated.
4. Had my first $80 + gas fill up and man was that sad.
5. Replacing speakers in a Jeep sound bar may be an actual 2 person job but with a little extra time I was able to do it.
6. Miller High Life doesn't get the respect it deserves in the non light beer category.
7. The Sox are 6 games over .500 but yet still 13 1/2 back of the Yankees, who just hit the 50 win mark.
8. Congrats on a good season, Boston Celtics. Shitty ending though.
9. The camper is all signed for, it gets delivered on Wednesday and then not sure when the MacPhail's first camp ground bash is but he is up by Mt Decepticon, so lets fucking go.
10. Chris Leaden is looking for tattoo ideas for his left upper arm...shoot them his way.
11. Ever get laughed at by a stranger for a simple question? Like you aren't well versed in a particular area and just a full HA HA HA HA in ya face? Oh yeah me either!
12. I know the price of everything is going up but fuck have you see the price of meat? Steak tips are through the roof.
13. FX has some good shows. Just started the Old Man and almost done with Under the Banner of Heaven, which has True Detective season 1 vibes. (Also side note isn't that owned by Disney now?)
14. Why don't most breakfast places have an appetizer section? Is it because the food comes out so fast? I mean we get appys at lunch and dinner. What if I want a grilled corn muffin while I wait for my omlette?
We are just about a week away from summer. Joey is having, what appears to be an annual, a pig roast on Saturday at his house. All are welcome just bring whatever you normally drink.
This is what I learned this weekend:
1. It takes less than a week to get a swimming pool up and running.
2. Chrissy may be getting a new puppy.
3. Who pulls their ass muscle pitching wiffle ball to kids?
4. Since no one has gotten back to me, so far Obi-Wan is a 4/10 for me.
5. Only in Quincy can they have a Flag day parade with fire works and almost burn a neighborhood down.
6. After a full spring season looking for and settling on a few different campers it looks like the Summer of the MacPhails is back on. Today is the day they sign on the dotted line.
7. After a sluggish start to the rental season it looks like there is only 1 week left to rent my place down the Cape, August 26th -Sept 3rd.
8. Fuck Cancer.
9. Nothing worse than when your central AC kicks the bucket...the worst Jerry the worst!
10. The Parrot in Hull has pretty good food. I was a little surprised because last time I went there it tasted like what I assume prison food tastes like. Not any more.
11. God bless the overnight shift workers. I can not ever figure out when to sleep.
1. At this point in time, bars are either too hot or too cold.
2. I was shocked to find out that stores still price match for things.
3. Finally broke down and got a new lawn mower.
4. Glad to see TK survive his mini bender.
5. The summer of the MacPhails has hit a slight hiccup and may be on pause.
6. There is nothing worse than a skunk beer.
7. English muffins with peanut butter is underrated in the breakfast game.
8. Glad to see my coffee has gone up another .14 this year already.
9. Dr. Strange and the Multiverse of Madness is just a middle of the road Marvel movie.
10. The Red Sox can't seem to buy a win now a days.
11. Went to the Cask by Fenway for the first time in probably 10 years. Did not like the vibe and do not recommend - 1/10.
12. Anytime you meet TK or Chrissy at Crossroads in Braintree just be forewarned that Chrissy will send you Bone Thugs videos till you "meet him at the Crossroads".
13. Who is going to the Free Jacks game Friday night?